DEAD SOLDIER PICTURES

While going through the 600 bulletins on the Bulletin Board (BB) at Tagged.com (an online community) early this morning, I came across a notice to report and ban a member because "he's a sick f**k" and to look at his profile was "not for the faint of heart." Considering myself quite stoic and strong-willed, I clicked on the link in the bulletin to see what was so controversial.
This member has posted a picture of a dead (and mutilated) soldier as his profile picture. He has also posted many more graphic images of mutilation and acts of war. These are ugly and profound. I am conflicted in how I feel about his right to express his opinion in a public forum and the sensitivity of exposing the public to such graphic images without a warning (other than the person who posted the link on the BB). I expressed this conflict in my statement of the day: "Lark the Shark (Mafia Wars) is conflicted over the outrage on the BB. A member has posted pics of the horror of war. Free speech is what our troops are fighting for over there."
I prepared myself for a flood of venom directed towards me, but so far I've only gotten this email conversation, much to my pleasant surprise:
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K: I think there is a diff between freedom of speech and disrespect. The pics he has on there are horrible. I understand freedom of speech, but I just really have a problem just plastering pics of a dead soldier.
Mass public opinion will ban him from the sight. Those that rally the support will fight him until he gives up and goes somewhere else to express his opinion (or cause outrage). And it is my opinion that the US government disrespects us in not giving us the truth. With the media's support, we are manipulated and lied to all the time. I saw it and now I choose not to ever look at his profile again. Not to give him validation. Not to engage him. All that does is fuel his need for attention and controversy. He does have the right to express his opinion on a public forum, no matter how much I object. I certainly don't want to see his pictures. I'm a visual artist and anything I SEE is in my brain forever. But there is no denying that while I object to war, I can still support our troops being over there and doing whatever it takes to secure our freedoms here. There are always atrocities in war. No one escapes blame. But our country is based on the freedom to disagree, to have an opinion opposite of the popular, and to demand accountability (whether we get it or not). There should be some kind of a warning, if he invites someone to his site. This should be put in place by the site managers. When you get to his page, it should say that there is graphic material, just as it should say for some of the profiles that have pornographic images in their comments and tags. But someone performing a sexual act is not filtered any more than the picture of the dead soldier. I am in conflict.
Lark
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K: You make some very good points. I wish I hadn't seen what I did. I keep seeing it over and over in my head. I am purely disgusted by it. but you are right. He has the right but I still clicked report profile. Thank you for sharing your views on this. You helped me see this in a diff light.
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Thank you for being an intelligent, open-minded person. I am sometimes afraid to take a stand because of all the extremists out there. It's scary to have an opinion that doesn't march with the crowd. We don't want to see the ugly side of life, the cruel, the grotesque...if war is softened and presented as righteous...when will it ever stop? Have you ever seen the pictures from the Nazi concentration camps? I was in 8th grade when I saw a documentary on it. THOSE images are still in my head, just as if I saw them today. Just because I don't want to look at it, doesn't mean it's not there.
Lark
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K: That is very true. We as a society have become very desensitized and it's sad. I don't want to become callous to the horrors that happen. But I also don't want to just turn my cheek at it either. Activisim is something I feel very strongly about, I just have never taken a political stand. It's always been for the animals.
I have thoroughly enjoyed our conversation.
Thank you!

5 TIPS TO WRITING FIRST CONTACT EMAILS

I received this first contact email today:
(This is copied & pasted exactly as sent except for personal information.)

Hello pretty,
I was surfing through profiles after a longtime on this site and i came across your picture,it attracted me so i stopped and decided to read your profile and wow,your profile is just as great as your picture itself.What a beauty!You definitely got your appearance so attracting and appealing.Nobody is gonna skip your profile without sending you a message.I can see sincerity in your eyes.
You look far younger than your age.Is what you have on this site a correct statement of your age?Well for once i thought," hey dare not try contacting her because a pretty lady of this type is already seriously dating'' but again I decided to give it a shot by sending you an email as there is no harm in trying. I really will like to hear back from you so i get to know you more.u can email me on xxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com or we can talk on yahoo im, also you can leave your number so that i can call you if you don't mind. .hope to hear from you soon bye
Pxxxxxx

What is wrong with this? Nothing, you say? If you can't see it, then you've probably been writing emails like this or worse. It shows the deterioration of the English language skills and letter writing in this country. Run together sentences, improper grammar, and that doesn't even address the content! Just because it's email doesn't mean you should ignore proper form. A woman will be impressed with a man's intelligence in the way he expresses himself. (Apologies to those who are immigrants but, LEARN THE LANGUAGE!)

5 STEPS TO WRITING FIRST CONTACT EMAILS:

1) Open your email with a salutation and end with a signature, i.e. Dear XXXX, or use their ID or something romantic (Beautiful Lady, Dear Venus, etc...). Once you know a woman's real name, address her by it...Dear Jill, Dear Vanessa, or just Vanessa. And please end it with a closing and your signature (name). "Awaiting your reply, John" "Ciao, Eric" "Have a blessed day, Robert" so that she can address you in her reply.

2) Compliments should be sincere, used sparingly, and be creative. DO NOT SAY: "You have a great body." "You are so hot!" "Hot and sexy!" These short, one line compliments are no better than construction workers whistling and cat-calling at a girl passing by. They are offensive, not compliments, when given to a total stranger. It would be better to tell a woman that she has classic beauty, or that she reminds you of someone you had a crush on, or that your life would be improved if you knew her better. Don't gush. Give one or two compliments and move on.

3) Try to get a reaction. Intrigue her, make her laugh, express something about you or your life that you think she might share an interest, tell her about an activity that would be so much more fun if you did it together (not sex! not this soon). If nothing comes to mind, ask questions about what she's into...READ HER PROFILE! Don't just look at the pictures.

4) Thank her for noticing you. "Thanks for taking the time to read my email." "Thanks for looking at my profile. There is so much more that I didn't include." "I can understand if you aren't interested in me romantically but if you need a friend to talk to, I'm here." You can never have enough friends. And sometimes, good friendships turn into great romances.

5) Answer her email promptly. If you can't answer right away, send a short note letting her know that. "Thank you for your email. Things are hectic right now. Will write more soon." and then make the time to answer her. If she's interested in getting to know you better, don't rush into more intimate contact; like giving her every possible way to contact you all at once. Ask if she'd like to message in real time (instant messaging) or would she prefer to talk on the phone. Then let her ask for your information. If her reply says she's not interested, see #4.

I have noticed men rush into phone contact or meeting face to face, putting pressure on the relationship before it even starts. Some men can't type. Let a woman know that or LEARN TO TYPE FASTER! Women are word-based, men are visual-based. Learn to invest some time in expressing yourself, listening, and getting to know a woman as a person. If all you want is sex, then asking every woman you're attracted to if they want to have sex will get you some eventually (just by sheer percentages) but it won't be something you can count on. Establishing conversation and mutual interest will have a woman coming back for more.

FIVE STAGES OF CONTACT

ONLINE DATING SITE CONTACTS

It takes a lot of courage to write an email to someone to whom you are attracted. Lots of dating sites allow for "winks," "icebreakers," "flirts," and other synonyms for (mostly free) first contact. (True.com is notorious for sending unsolicited winks to it's members to generate interest between matches. Just be polite and honest with a contact if you didn't send the wink.) Here's some hints on what it all means, so you don't get the wrong idea of intentions. These terms all have to do with the site and it's vocabulary.

1. Someone looks/views your profile - means JUST that. They looked at you. It doesn't mean they are interested in you. Unless they look at your profile a lot, many times a week, or everyday (this might be a very shy person or a stalker...too soon to tell).
   
2. Someone sent you a wink - means look at me, read my profile and see if you like me. They were looking through the matches sent to them by the dating site or collected in a search, and thought you looked nice or you might have something in common with each other. If you like what you see, wink back or email them that you like what you see/read.
   
3. Someone added you to their favorites or black book - means they are interested in you. They were looking through their matches and did not want to forget you but were not quite ready to send a wink or email. If they don't initiate contact within a week or so and you are interested, then you initiate contact with an email. It makes a stronger statement than just a wink. Put some thought into it and ask some questions to get the conversation going.
   
4. Someone sends you an email with less than a paragraph. These emails consist of: "Your really hot!" "I want to get to know you." "You so sexy. Email me if your interested." "Heres my phone number/email/IM ID. Plese contact me." and so on.... (If the obvious lack of spelling/grammar or self expression doesn't turn you off immediately, then pursue it.) These are so uninteresting that you can ignore them without any response. If they are not going to even ask you a question or tell you something, they didn't put much thought into the contact. More than likely they are just looking for a brief encounter. Don't feel guilty about being rude, they certainly were.
5. Someone sends you an email with some thought to the content but they don't want to waste a lot of time on emailing back and forth. They want to talk on the phone right away. These people more than not are not very good at typing and/or expressing themselves in writing. They also don't want to invest any time in building a relationship. Put in the time! Find someone with like goals who does not mind getting to know you through each step of the way. Otherwise, you will have a lot of first meetings, few real dates, and lots of one-night-stands. But if that's what you're looking for, go for it. Just be honest with yourself and your date.
   

You have to find your own comfort zone as to when you will talk on the phone, give out other contact information, and schedule your first meeting (remember short and sweet, less than 30 mins.). Don't let rejection go to your heart. There are so many eligible partners out there, and also many friends to be made. Stay open emotionally and don't get discouraged.