Tuesday, May 05, 2009



It takes a lot of courage to write an email to someone to whom you are attracted. Lots of dating sites allow for "winks," "icebreakers," "flirts," and other synonyms for (mostly free) first contact. (True.com is notorious for sending unsolicited winks to it's members to generate interest between matches. Just be polite and honest with a contact if you didn't send the wink.) Here's some hints on what it all means, so you don't get the wrong idea of intentions. These terms all have to do with the site and it's vocabulary.

  1. Someone looks/views your profile - means JUST that. They looked at you. It doesn't mean they are interested in you. Unless they look at your profile a lot, many times a week, or everyday (this might be a very shy person or a stalker...too soon to tell).
  2. Someone sent you a wink - means look at me, read my profile and see if you like me. They were looking through the matches sent to them by the dating site or collected in a search, and thought you looked nice or you might have something in common with each other. If you like what you see, wink back or email them that you like what you see/read.
  3. Someone added you to their favorites or black book - means they are interested in you. They were looking through their matches and did not want to forget you but were not quite ready to send a wink or email. If they don't initiate contact within a week or so and you are interested, then you initiate contact with an email. It makes a stronger statement than just a wink. Put some thought into it and ask some questions to get the conversation going.
  4. Someone sends you an email with less than a paragraph. These emails consist of: "Your really hot!" "I want to get to know you." "You so sexy. Email me if your interested." "Heres my phone number/email/IM ID. Plese contact me." and so on.... (If the obvious lack of spelling/grammar or self expression doesn't turn you off immediately, then pursue it.) These are so uninteresting that you can ignore them without any response. If they are not going to even ask you a question or tell you something, they didn't put much thought into the contact. More than likely they are just looking for a brief encounter. Don't feel guilty about being rude, they certainly were.
  5. Someone sends you an email with some thought to the content but they don't want to waste a lot of time on emailing back and forth. They want to talk on the phone right away. These people more than not are not very good at typing and/or expressing themselves in writing. They also don't want to invest any time in building a relationship. Put in the time! Find someone with like goals who does not mind getting to know you through each step of the way. Otherwise, you will have a lot of first meetings, few real dates, and lots of one-night-stands. But if that's what you're looking for, go for it. Just be honest with yourself and your date.
You have to find your own comfort zone as to when you will talk on the phone, give out other contact information, and schedule your first meeting (remember short and sweet, less than 30 mins.). Don't let rejection go to your heart. There are so many eligible partners out there, and also many friends to be made. Stay open emotionally and don't get discouraged.

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