WHAT IS IMPORTANT ABOUT BELONGINGS?

PREFACE

The story of my life is that I have very few things that spark strong memory. I have lost so many "things" through my life from mostly moving. My collection of things gets smaller and smaller every time I move these days. 

STORY

At one time, I had ONLY what I was carrying on my back, in a backpack, with my sleeping bag lashed to it! (1980) I had left a box with my brother of just keepsakes and took off hitchhiking from the Eastern Shore of Maryland to Tampa, FL. I was 24. I don't even remember if I ever got that box back from Jimmy. I walked away from my first marriage, my first house, my first love (?). We had met when I was 13 and practically lived at the skating rink. He was a floor guard and 5 years older. When we got back together, after my mom died and I left my dad's house at 17, I was pregnant. I had turned 18, he lived with his mother, supporting her, and I moved in, much to her disapproval. I gave up that child for adoption and for a prospect of a better life. I worked to get a house built and to move out of his mother's house. I established my first household at 19, all on my own (with my new husband). A year and a half later, I left him, took half of everything and moved into a trailer. I wanted children, he never would.

I moved a few times before ending up in a mobile home. When things got real bad (no money, no heat @ Christmas), my boyfriend and I sold my pickup, bought "on the road" equipment from Army/Navy and headed to Tampa, Florida, to his sister's place. Only what we could carry on our backs and light weight was imperative. We didn't go for the sub-zero lining because it weighed too much! When we camped on the side of a mountain, in 29 degrees, in January, I re-thought that decision.

I collected many, many things after meeting and marrying George. His parents died within a year of moving and consolidating their North and South homes. We inherited two households! They were combined with the household I had set up in my deceased parents home, which had also absorbed my father's warehouse contents after he passed. I was living in a tri-level house, 4 BR, 2 1/2 baths, double garage with 4 complete households. There were aisles to get from the front door to the kitchen, MBR, and upstairs. The stuff was piled so high you couldn't see over it! It was like living in a furniture store! So I have lived in THAT, and I've had only what I could carry on my back. 

After many yard sales, and moving 4 times in 3 years, we settled in a townhouse (3BR/2.5B) and lived there for 19 years. Then I became a widow. My child grew up and moved out to start their own life. Then I moved into my sister's and had to whittle down my belongings (storing an eighth of what I had) and then moved a year later, into a 3BR/2B with a single garage. I got to empty my storage unit! I inherited the former resident's furniture, clothes, kitchen, and folded in my few belongings left. I made my home there for 5 years. Then I had to leave because the owner went into foreclosure, and again I had to consolidate, donate, and sell. I had two weeks to consolidate what I couldn't donate or sell. I once again used a storage unit for the antiques, important papers, my artwork, collectibles and as much as I could save and fit into that unit. It stayed there for 8 YEARS! I only visited it half a dozen times. I DIDN'T NEED THAT STUFF! I moved in with my sister again. I've lived in her converted garage since April 2014. I only emptied my storage unit in Feb 2022. I folded in what I could into my room, some in the shed, and some in the empty stall in the barn. 

CONCLUSION

I am trying to go through all of it, get rid of some by donating or trashing. It's very hard to let go of things you have lived with for 30 or 40 years. Things you have dusted and filled and emptied and moved so many times that they are integrated into your daily life. This last purge was VERY HARD for me because there was an traumatic incident that prevented me from getting all the things that I wanted to save. It was like a flood came and took them away. But belongings don't matter, as long as you have people (and cats) who love you.

TUESDAY, MEETING DAY

 PREFACE

My sister is in two groups which have meetings regularly. I don't join clubs or groups or associations. I'm not a joiner. I hate things done by committee. I had to be IN some groups due to my job as a teacher/instructor but I wouldn't have invited most of the members to my home, or been friends with them if I hadn't had to. It's not like I haven't tried some groups willingly.

STORY

Before I had my incident causing PTSD, depression and anxiety, I could minge with the best of them. I have always been "shy" but made myself overcome that so I didn't get pushed around. I stood up for myself. I gave class reports. I took public speaking which helped when I became a Boy Scout Leader, a Webelos Leader, and eventually, The Cub Scout Pack Leader. I got the BEST leadership training in the Boy Scouts. All this prepared me for being a college instructor/professor. I could stand up in front of 15-30 students and lecture. I could stand up in front of a whole gathering of professors at meetings. I still didn't like to but I COULD. 

Back to joining groups. I never liked not being the leader in groups. I also didn't like the responsibility of having to lead and make all the decisions in a group. I've been an artist all my life but I can't deal with artist groups. I think it's maybe because I think that most of the other artists are really full of themselves. And there are so many people out there that if given a little bit of power, they let it go to their heads and spoil everything for everyone else.

CONCLUSION

Now that I have anxiety about groups (along with PTSD), it will be a long time (if ever) before I will consider joining any group or club or guild. Although I am in a "guild" in my online game and I chat with people from all over the country and the world. I don't have to be in the same room with them though, and that makes all the difference. We cope how we cope.

MONDAY, WHAT DID I DO?

 PREFACE

One of the advantages to being retired is that no one expects anything of you. You don't have to set an alarm to get up. You don't have a job, coworkers, and a boss waiting for you to be a specific place, at a specific time. Retired means you've done your work (for the MAN) and you're done. It also means that if you aren't careful, you forget what day it is, or worse, what you did on any specific day!

STORY

It is actually Thursday morning, EARLY! 4:23 a.m. when I'm writing this post. I unceremoniously promised myself (in my  head) that I would try to post once a day for the entire month of April (2023). That lasted two days! Now I'm trying to think back to Monday and what the f*ck I did all day. I do remember getting Chick-fil-A salads for Toni and me for dinner (since they are cancelling my side salad that I get all the time on April 4th!). I got 4 side salads to last two nights, just in case I didn't get back before they were gone for good! This happens all the time to me.

I have had so many products that I LOVED cancelled on me through the years that I'm just shell-shocked about it. The BEST laundry detergent, YES, was pulled off shelves or sold out and not reordered until I could only get it at Albertson's (the last bastion for misfit products). This detergent could get stains out even if the clothes had been washed and dried! Put a little on, let sit, then wash & dry...stain(s) gone! Small Miracle shampoo & conditioner was THE BEST HAIR PRODUCTS...EVER! Maidenform underwire bras...the best! Off the market! Glamour Chantilly underwire bras...the best! Off the market! Avenue brand underwire bras...the best! Off the market! There are others that I can't think of at the moment, but each time it's been one product that I LOVE and fits my needs perfectly. WTF?

CONCLUSION

WTF? It's the Damn Marketing People that change things just to change them. They fix things that don't need fixing so companies can charge more money. Dawn Dishwashing Detergent has been around for 40 years and is an excellent degreaser. They use it to clean wildlife when there's an oil spill! It's gentle. You don't need to use a lot to get the job done. It's cheap. So what to they do? They make it stronger at cutting grease...WHAT?? Now you only need half as much to do the same job (I cut it with water 50/50!) Not good enough for them, let's make it FOAM!! NO! How about turning the bottle upside-down?? NO!! It's not ketchup! It runs fairly quickly when you turn it upside-down. There is no need to change it's bottle, it's fragrance, it's form (foam!), or it's concentration. IT WORKS IN IT'S ORIGINAL FORMULA JUST FINE! If they would only stop changing things just to substantiate their jobs!! RANT OVER!

MAXIMUM DENSITY

 PREFACE

I am as heavy as I have ever been in my life. 250 lbs. It is insidious. The weight has crepted up and crepted up over the past 9 years until it has gotten intolerable. This is the line! No more! It stops HERE!

STORY 

In 2009, I weighed 180 lbs and was in fantastic shape. Yes, I could have lost another 20 lbs and been very close to perfect. But that 20 lbs didn't look like it was on me. I carried it very well. I was desirable at 51 yo. 

THAT was 70 lbs ago and it seems like unattainable at the moment. I'm 66, soon to be 67 in September and I look like my grandmother. She was short and chubby. My aunt, who lived with my grandparents and then with my mother and me after they passed, was very tall and chubby. Most of my relatives are chubby. That is why I'm not surprised that I look like a lot of them did while I was a child and growing up. My genetics say I should be zaftig, Rubenesque...plump. My ancestors come from Ireland, Scotland, and England. When I visited England in 2003, I saw many people who looked like my relatives! I'm HOME! I thought. I felt I fit in. 

I'm heavier now. I don't fit in to anything. Tipping the scales at 250 lbs pushes the structural strength of my bras and the comfort of wearing them. I wear maxi dresses around the house to hide the bulk of my body. It's lulled me into accepting the extra weight and the shifting of skin and fat. It lets me use the excuse (to myself) that I don't have to go out into the world, everything I need can be brought to me or picked up without "going into the store to get it." Since the pandemic made all of us more "hermits" than "gad about town social butterflies," I haven't recovered my desire to venture forth and explore. 

I have also not exercised regularly in quite a while. I get up from bed. Sit at my desk working on my laptop (or descending down the rabbit hole that is the Internet time suck!). Get up to make my smoothie (Breakfast & Lunch & supplements). Back on the computer. Get up to move to the TV room. Make dinner or order dinner & drive to pick it up. Play games on my Kindle while watching TV. Go to bed & play more games until the Kindle falls on my nose cuz I'm asleep somewhere around 3, 4, 5 am in the morning. Sleep until noon, 1, 2 pm and get up to do it all over again.  

CONCLUSION

My grandmother, Sadie Insley, (Gram or Grammy) was in better shape than I am now. She got up at 5 am (from years of living with a Merchant Marine & fisherman) and made coffee and started cooking. She cooked all day, off and on, when she wasn't washing clothes, hanging them to dry, tending the garden and harvesting, then entertaining the family that passed through her doors all day, every day. 

There's just me and my sister, and 3 cats and 2 horses that need tending. Toni hires a man to feed and clean stalls in the morning (early...earlier than she is willing to get up now that she's 75!). Feeding the cats in the morning and at night, 2 of the kittahs are still kittens so they eat whenever they are hungry and we can get them to eat something! It's not a whole lot to do. It's so hot that outside is taken at dusk and dawn, in small bites (for exercise). But I soon must take my losing weight seriously, lest I have some health problem that I can't "correct" and have to live with much less that I CAN do than I now just don't WANT to do. One step at a time!

I HATE SHOPPING! I NEED MORE BANANAS!

  PREFACE

Grocery shopping is the one shopping I hate most. But any shopping that entails me going to a place, parking, walking in, walking around until I find the thing(s) I want/need, taking them to the register, walking back to the car. Driving home. Then taking my purchases in the house and putting them away. WAY TOO MUCH WORK!

STORY

There are two kinds of people, hunters and gatherers. It is said (taught) that these life chores were divided between the men and women of the tribe in prehistoric times. Men hunted. Women gathered. Men brought home the meat, fowl, or fish. Women brought home the side dishes; fruits, nuts, vegetables, and grains(?). It is said that prehistoric people didn't eat grains until farming was introduced, and that was when ailments/illnesses began. I'm not here to debate that.

I would like to know definitively if ONLY men hunted. Were there women that didn't want to gather. They didn't want to forage around going through countless choices until they found just what they wanted (usually the first thing they looked at!). Women that saw what they wanted, chased it, killed it, and brought it home! They walked in the cave, threw it down in front of their man & grunted, "cook!" And of course, the man had been waiting there with the kids, cleaning the cave, and telling the stories of our people. (HA!) 

I have never understood the "shopping" ritual. When I went to the "Mall," I would park as close to the store I wanted something from, walk in, find it (kill it), buy it, go back to my car and drive home. I didn't roam around the store for hours, buying nothing. Going to another store and roaming around. Wandering the Mall in a zombie stupor, buying Fro-Yo, having my ears pierced, and then coming home with the ONE thing I wanted/needed!

CONCLUSION

When the Internet introduced "online shopping" I had found my Nirvana. You mean to say I can sit at home, look for what I want/need, order it, and it will come to my front door! This is heaven! 

Now I hunt online. No one can judge me. No one can tell me I should look around a while and see what I might want to buy that I didn't even know I wanted. The hunted items lay down in front of my door and wait for me to retrieve them. Life is good.

Time to order groceries! I need more bananas! Death to the Malls!