NOT REALLY INTO THEM

PREFACE
You meet for the first time, you know within five minutes that you are not into this person as a romantic interest. It might be possible that you could be friends but do you really want to invest the time in getting to know each other? Maybe, maybe not. You may even go so far as to give it the chance of a goodnight kiss. Still nothing. Do you tell them now? Before you part ways?

STORY
I hear different responses from different friends. (1) Tell the person right away that you are not interested in a second date. (2) Give it a chance by agreeing to a second date and see what happens. (3) Let them know as soon as communication exchanged between the two of you has given you enough indication that this relationship is not going anywhere. (4) Go out several times and give it enough time to grow to like/love the person. (5) Don't be so picky. Anyone can become a soul mate. (This last one I really DON'T understand!)

Are we so thin skinned that we cannot take rejection? Or so afraid of being insensitive or "the bad guy" that we can't be adult and honest? Is it better to be with someone who doesn't feel the same affection towards us, rather than be alone or to avoid hurting their feelings?

CONCLUSION
My answer...NO! DO NOT SETTLE!! Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Anyone can find things to fill "alone time" without having to be constantly entertained or affirmed. Go with your instincts and be honest. It is the only way to be true to yourself. And after all is said and done, you have to live with yourself! Happy Dating!!

OUTBACK FOR BEGINNERS

PREFACE
I really am getting ahead of myself. I am about to get up from the computer, get dressed and drive 15 miles to Outback Steakhouse to meet yet another online contact. He is driving up from West Palm Beach (80 miles away!). I am treating this as casually as I can.

STORY
We met about a 3 weeks ago on this new site I just joined, BBPeopleMeet.com It is for people who are overweight or tall & overweight or men who like very curvy women. I have avoided this kind of online dating site because of some horror stories about Chubby Chasers (men who are borderline, and not so borderline, fetish or obsessed with overweight women). I prefer men who are average or athletic, even 30-40lbs over their optimum weight, but not obese. Reason being it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom, and sometimes downright a turn-off or impossibility. Two fat people trying to have sex can be very unsatisfying (at least in my experience).

CONCLUSION
I do like AM from our email exchanges and he has a pleasant voice on the phone. I am not turned on my the picture he has posted on his profile, and my gut feelings are that I am not expecting any sparks to fly. I am just expecting a pleasant meal and conversation for a change in my routine of late. I am hoping he is not expecting anything more than that. He invited me to dinner, but I will be honest with my impression and feelings for him...and then offer to pay for my meal. Stay tuned for more....

FOLLOWING YOUR INSTINCTS

Several years ago, I was a graduate student studying in two Master's programs at the same time, teaching a Saturday desktop publishing course, and working in the graphics design lab as a monitor/tech support. I loved the academic atmosphere and helping/teaching the undergrads. One day during lab hours, I had a heated discussion with one student about human natural instincts. He was of the opinion that humans have had all their natural instincts erased or evolved out of existence because of modern civilization and technology. I argued that we still have our instincts, they're just buried deep down because we don't need to use them and it's the lazy way to just not try to use them. The debate went on for several hours while he worked on his digital project and I went about my duties, helping him and other students with software and hardware problems. Other students in the computer lab joined in the conversation, expressing their opinions also. The conclusion was: we agreed to disagree. The original student would not budge on his opinion that modern homo sapiens don't have any natural instincts.

I have seen and experienced the end results of instinct and believe down to my bone marrow, that we DO have instincts but that we have just been taught not to follow them, not to trust them. It's when we second guess our instincts that things go wrong. Some people call it "gut feeling", some call it psychic ability, others have "keen sense of judgment", and still others seem to have "all the luck" in anything they do. It all comes down to following or listening to your inner voice.

Last night I was headed to a dance party event sponsored by a dating service I belong to and things just didn't work out as I had planned. By the time I was ready to go I was already an hour behind schedule and didn't make it to the event until it was almost over. Instead of stressing over my lateness, I decided that the driving and getting out was what I had desired most and that I was starving and wanted to get something to eat, a libation, and listen to some good rock'n'roll music. I was tooling down US1 just south of Boca Raton (FL, where the dance was) and started looking for a club or bar with food and music. It was 10:30PM on a Friday night, how hard would it be to find what I was looking for?? Harder than you think when you don't know the area well. Good clubs can be quite camouflaged...tucked away in strip malls, or by seedy-looking exteriors. Finally, I passed a place that I heard the music from across the street, going in the opposite direction. I hung a U-ey and turned into the parking lot to John L. Sullivan's Irish Pub and Restaurant (which I found out later is in Lighthouse Point, FL, just north of Sample Rd.). My instincts had led me to some fine LIVE rock'n'roll music, good Irish cuisine (had the Sheppard's Pie, excellent!) and a friendly, casual atmosphere. I enjoyed my food and the Glen Livet, and the music (if the music is too loud, you're too old!!). Instincts are valid and should be trusted more. Try it!