PREFACE
You meet for the first time, you know within five minutes that you are not into this person as a romantic interest. It might be possible that you could be friends but do you really want to invest the time in getting to know each other? Maybe, maybe not. You may even go so far as to give it the chance of a goodnight kiss. Still nothing. Do you tell them now? Before you part ways?
STORY
I hear different responses from different friends. (1) Tell the person right away that you are not interested in a second date. (2) Give it a chance by agreeing to a second date and see what happens. (3) Let them know as soon as communication exchanged between the two of you has given you enough indication that this relationship is not going anywhere. (4) Go out several times and give it enough time to grow to like/love the person. (5) Don't be so picky. Anyone can become a soul mate. (This last one I really DON'T understand!)
Are we so thin skinned that we cannot take rejection? Or so afraid of being insensitive or "the bad guy" that we can't be adult and honest? Is it better to be with someone who doesn't feel the same affection towards us, rather than be alone or to avoid hurting their feelings?
CONCLUSION
My answer...NO! DO NOT SETTLE!! Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Anyone can find things to fill "alone time" without having to be constantly entertained or affirmed. Go with your instincts and be honest. It is the only way to be true to yourself. And after all is said and done, you have to live with yourself! Happy Dating!!
Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts
Monday, June 06, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
OUTBACK: PART DEUX
PREFACE
Two weeks ago I went to dinner with AW at Outback. I was running late and called him on my way to the restaurant which is only considerate. I was 20 minutes late which might have sent many men into a tantrum but AW was cool with it. He's easy-going, polite, attentive, and attractive. So why wouldn't I give him a chance to make me happy?
STORY
I am not physically attracted to him. There...I said it. I can't imagine myself having sex with him. Women can say this. Men can think about having sex with any woman (they make a multitude of jokes about it) or go through with sex with a woman while thinking of another woman (not saying that women don't do this too). Women think too much. We over-think everything, most of the time. It is our un-doing!
The first red flag was his statement that he just wanted to go to dinner and not a movie, because he didn't want to share the time with a movie. Meaning that he wanted no distractions from concentrating his attention on me. He just wants to cuddle with me. To watch a movie at my house and just "chill" with a pizza would make him happy. Starting to sound too familiar.
CONCLUSION
So I was going to tell him that he shouldn't waste any more time pursuing me. But maybe he wants to...waste his time. I am too nice. There are numerous women who would have him take them to dinner, movies, expensive shows, concerts, and spend, spend, spend...not me. I like him but he doesn't stimulate me intellectually.
Two weeks ago I went to dinner with AW at Outback. I was running late and called him on my way to the restaurant which is only considerate. I was 20 minutes late which might have sent many men into a tantrum but AW was cool with it. He's easy-going, polite, attentive, and attractive. So why wouldn't I give him a chance to make me happy?
STORY
I am not physically attracted to him. There...I said it. I can't imagine myself having sex with him. Women can say this. Men can think about having sex with any woman (they make a multitude of jokes about it) or go through with sex with a woman while thinking of another woman (not saying that women don't do this too). Women think too much. We over-think everything, most of the time. It is our un-doing!
The first red flag was his statement that he just wanted to go to dinner and not a movie, because he didn't want to share the time with a movie. Meaning that he wanted no distractions from concentrating his attention on me. He just wants to cuddle with me. To watch a movie at my house and just "chill" with a pizza would make him happy. Starting to sound too familiar.
CONCLUSION
So I was going to tell him that he shouldn't waste any more time pursuing me. But maybe he wants to...waste his time. I am too nice. There are numerous women who would have him take them to dinner, movies, expensive shows, concerts, and spend, spend, spend...not me. I like him but he doesn't stimulate me intellectually.
Monday, April 04, 2011
OUTBACK FOR BEGINNERS
PREFACE
I really am getting ahead of myself. I am about to get up from the computer, get dressed and drive 15 miles to Outback Steakhouse to meet yet another online contact. He is driving up from West Palm Beach (80 miles away!). I am treating this as casually as I can.
STORY
We met about a 3 weeks ago on this new site I just joined, BBPeopleMeet.com It is for people who are overweight or tall & overweight or men who like very curvy women. I have avoided this kind of online dating site because of some horror stories about Chubby Chasers (men who are borderline, and not so borderline, fetish or obsessed with overweight women). I prefer men who are average or athletic, even 30-40lbs over their optimum weight, but not obese. Reason being it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom, and sometimes downright a turn-off or impossibility. Two fat people trying to have sex can be very unsatisfying (at least in my experience).
CONCLUSION
I do like AM from our email exchanges and he has a pleasant voice on the phone. I am not turned on my the picture he has posted on his profile, and my gut feelings are that I am not expecting any sparks to fly. I am just expecting a pleasant meal and conversation for a change in my routine of late. I am hoping he is not expecting anything more than that. He invited me to dinner, but I will be honest with my impression and feelings for him...and then offer to pay for my meal. Stay tuned for more....
I really am getting ahead of myself. I am about to get up from the computer, get dressed and drive 15 miles to Outback Steakhouse to meet yet another online contact. He is driving up from West Palm Beach (80 miles away!). I am treating this as casually as I can.
STORY
We met about a 3 weeks ago on this new site I just joined, BBPeopleMeet.com It is for people who are overweight or tall & overweight or men who like very curvy women. I have avoided this kind of online dating site because of some horror stories about Chubby Chasers (men who are borderline, and not so borderline, fetish or obsessed with overweight women). I prefer men who are average or athletic, even 30-40lbs over their optimum weight, but not obese. Reason being it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom, and sometimes downright a turn-off or impossibility. Two fat people trying to have sex can be very unsatisfying (at least in my experience).
CONCLUSION
I do like AM from our email exchanges and he has a pleasant voice on the phone. I am not turned on my the picture he has posted on his profile, and my gut feelings are that I am not expecting any sparks to fly. I am just expecting a pleasant meal and conversation for a change in my routine of late. I am hoping he is not expecting anything more than that. He invited me to dinner, but I will be honest with my impression and feelings for him...and then offer to pay for my meal. Stay tuned for more....
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
FEBRUARY - FREE (E)HARMONY!
PREFACE
Well eHarmony has done it again! They put themselves out there...phishing for members...with a free month (the shortest of the year) of communication between ALL members, paying or not. Communication up to FREE COMMUNICATION through their site-based email.
STORY
I have been a member of eHarmony for 8 years now. No, not a paying member all that time (I'd be bankrupt several times over!). The advantage of being a non-paying member? None, except when they offer "specials" like 3 months for the price of one month, free weekends or three-day holiday weekends, and just recently, 10-day stretches of FREE. All with their own restrictions (in fine print) but shows that eHarmony is trying to be competitive. Their regular $59 per month charge is OUTRAGEOUS in terms of comparison to other dating sites charges and comparable results (no matter what their commercial ads say).
I took full advantage of the month and made a few connections but again, nothing that has progressed into an actual face-to-face meeting. I have made one contact who lives up north, far away. He seems to be a good match but there are "problems" with communication on the phone. I have run into "scheduled" phone calls before. Most of the time it means there is a wife or live-in girlfriend involved. Although his explanation is plausible in that I have encountered it myself. He says that the place where he lives interferes with cellphone signals and he can only talk in certain places in the house. He also has roommates (?) so talking on the phone can be annoying or disruptive to "them."
My similar situation was at my sister's house where I lived for a year...NO cellphone signal could get through her walls. I had to run out the front or back door into the yard to pick up an incoming call. To make a call I could sit very, very still next to my computer in my room or on the toilet (not necessarily doing any business), or out in the yard. I could send text messages...lower level signal so they could get through more often than not. Oh, and she didn't allow me to give out her phone number at the house to any of my dates (in case of psychos...not that I dated any...thank god).
CONCLUSION
I am a trusting person and always believe the best of people, until proven wrong. I am only suspicious when I come across the same scenario again and again. Suspicion may be too harsh a word. Be aware. Proceed with caution.
Well eHarmony has done it again! They put themselves out there...phishing for members...with a free month (the shortest of the year) of communication between ALL members, paying or not. Communication up to FREE COMMUNICATION through their site-based email.
STORY
I have been a member of eHarmony for 8 years now. No, not a paying member all that time (I'd be bankrupt several times over!). The advantage of being a non-paying member? None, except when they offer "specials" like 3 months for the price of one month, free weekends or three-day holiday weekends, and just recently, 10-day stretches of FREE. All with their own restrictions (in fine print) but shows that eHarmony is trying to be competitive. Their regular $59 per month charge is OUTRAGEOUS in terms of comparison to other dating sites charges and comparable results (no matter what their commercial ads say).
I took full advantage of the month and made a few connections but again, nothing that has progressed into an actual face-to-face meeting. I have made one contact who lives up north, far away. He seems to be a good match but there are "problems" with communication on the phone. I have run into "scheduled" phone calls before. Most of the time it means there is a wife or live-in girlfriend involved. Although his explanation is plausible in that I have encountered it myself. He says that the place where he lives interferes with cellphone signals and he can only talk in certain places in the house. He also has roommates (?) so talking on the phone can be annoying or disruptive to "them."
My similar situation was at my sister's house where I lived for a year...NO cellphone signal could get through her walls. I had to run out the front or back door into the yard to pick up an incoming call. To make a call I could sit very, very still next to my computer in my room or on the toilet (not necessarily doing any business), or out in the yard. I could send text messages...lower level signal so they could get through more often than not. Oh, and she didn't allow me to give out her phone number at the house to any of my dates (in case of psychos...not that I dated any...thank god).
CONCLUSION
I am a trusting person and always believe the best of people, until proven wrong. I am only suspicious when I come across the same scenario again and again. Suspicion may be too harsh a word. Be aware. Proceed with caution.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
NO SEX SATURDAY
PREFACE
Having had a few days of "not feeling so healthy" I was looking forward to a massage and little sex today from my married lover. He is my handyman, my 'rent-a-husband' (for real!), and he gives me attention for about four hours on Saturday starting around 2PM. But not today.
STORY
I woke up to my alarm clock at 11AM, but had had only 7 hrs sleep and needed more. I reset my alarm for 12N and went back to sleep. At noon, the alarm went off again, so I hit the snooze (10mins extra)...three times! and finally was awake at 12:30PM. I texted my lover good morning and waited. WS replied that he wasn't able to come today due to dental problems. I texted him back and told him to rest and heal, and that I missed him.
Feeling a little let down, I got an IM and a phone call from a prospective lover who lives 90 mins NW of me, but we've never hooked up as yet. LC is also in the handyman crafts, recently divorced, and he works 6 days a week. Today he took off work for mental health and is taking off next Saturday too. Now my dilemma is: Do I start a sexual relationship with LC, who is not married but also not available but every once in a while due to work? Do I really want to start a purely sexual thing or do I hold out for a local, full relationship?
I was suppose to go to a movie & drinks/live music last night with KS who I met on Tagged. We've spoken on the phone a couple of times and he REALLY wants to meet me and take me out. I told him it would be as friends (since he's a little older than I date). Then his work had an emergency and he couldn't call me on his cell due to reception interference (at the airport where he works). I got notice of this after waiting...ready to go...all made up...two hours past the time he said he'd call. I figured I was stood-up and went online to Tagged to play some Mafia Wars and check emails. His email was there explaining what had happened. I wasn't mad...shit happens. I told him that I had plans for Saturday, so he had suggested that maybe we could go to the movie on Sunday. I emailed him back that would be good.
CONCLUSION
So today I'm working on projects, self-improvement and home-improvement. Taking my time with no one pushing me to 'get it done' or waiting for me to be ready to go. As a mature single woman, playing the field can give you many choices. I am not a 'player' since I do not lie about my relationships to anyone in a relationship with me. If a man asks me if I'm dating anyone else, I tell him the truth. If he asks me if I'm having sex with anyone else, again I tell him the truth. If they ask the question, they better be prepared for the truthful answer. I don't volunteer the information unless asked. It's not their business unless they want to make it their business. This all changes if there are serious emotions involved between both me and the man. I am all for being exclusive, but I also exercise the freedom that men have had for centuries. My happiness is exploring all the possibilities available to me.
Having had a few days of "not feeling so healthy" I was looking forward to a massage and little sex today from my married lover. He is my handyman, my 'rent-a-husband' (for real!), and he gives me attention for about four hours on Saturday starting around 2PM. But not today.
STORY
I woke up to my alarm clock at 11AM, but had had only 7 hrs sleep and needed more. I reset my alarm for 12N and went back to sleep. At noon, the alarm went off again, so I hit the snooze (10mins extra)...three times! and finally was awake at 12:30PM. I texted my lover good morning and waited. WS replied that he wasn't able to come today due to dental problems. I texted him back and told him to rest and heal, and that I missed him.
Feeling a little let down, I got an IM and a phone call from a prospective lover who lives 90 mins NW of me, but we've never hooked up as yet. LC is also in the handyman crafts, recently divorced, and he works 6 days a week. Today he took off work for mental health and is taking off next Saturday too. Now my dilemma is: Do I start a sexual relationship with LC, who is not married but also not available but every once in a while due to work? Do I really want to start a purely sexual thing or do I hold out for a local, full relationship?
I was suppose to go to a movie & drinks/live music last night with KS who I met on Tagged. We've spoken on the phone a couple of times and he REALLY wants to meet me and take me out. I told him it would be as friends (since he's a little older than I date). Then his work had an emergency and he couldn't call me on his cell due to reception interference (at the airport where he works). I got notice of this after waiting...ready to go...all made up...two hours past the time he said he'd call. I figured I was stood-up and went online to Tagged to play some Mafia Wars and check emails. His email was there explaining what had happened. I wasn't mad...shit happens. I told him that I had plans for Saturday, so he had suggested that maybe we could go to the movie on Sunday. I emailed him back that would be good.
CONCLUSION
So today I'm working on projects, self-improvement and home-improvement. Taking my time with no one pushing me to 'get it done' or waiting for me to be ready to go. As a mature single woman, playing the field can give you many choices. I am not a 'player' since I do not lie about my relationships to anyone in a relationship with me. If a man asks me if I'm dating anyone else, I tell him the truth. If he asks me if I'm having sex with anyone else, again I tell him the truth. If they ask the question, they better be prepared for the truthful answer. I don't volunteer the information unless asked. It's not their business unless they want to make it their business. This all changes if there are serious emotions involved between both me and the man. I am all for being exclusive, but I also exercise the freedom that men have had for centuries. My happiness is exploring all the possibilities available to me.
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