ONLINE DATING SCAM (PART 2)

 PREFACE

This unfolded like several other online dating contact scams. The men establish regular contact and language that advances intimacy. They reveal personal tragedies of losing a beloved wife, having to care for the motherless child (usually female), and traveling for business a lot. They have some kind of weird career. An engineer on oil rigs in the Black Sea. A geologist working in Iraq. And now a cyber security and military equipment exporter/supplier.

STORY

Chapter Two: Daily texts

He texted me in the morning to wake me up with sweet sentiments and encouragement. He texted me several times throughout the day ending up with a late night "good night, my queen" to segway into the next morning. They learn that constant contact keeps the "fish on the hook" and makes the connection be on a deeper level. "The better to reel you in, my dear." Klump professed his "love" for me WAY, WAY too soon. I kept him at "arms length" with vague feelings for him. I never said I loved him or even that I trusted him (in so many words) but gave him just enough to move forward.

Then came the "trip out of town" and he was heading to Mexico for a big deal that would make him enough money to retire. BTW, he listed himself as living in Miami. So flying to Mexico did not sound too suspicious. We kept in touch daily while he was in Mexico. I pushed a little bit on the "when are you coming home" question after he'd been there for two weeks. He said he'd be flying out within a few days.

Chapter three: THE BIG SCAM

He texted that he had finished his business but there was a problem with him getting paid. Then there was a problem with him getting out of the country. The Mexican police had confiscated his "check" and wouldn't let him leave unless he paid them (which all his money was in the "check"). They were arresting him and putting him in jail. Really?! And they let you keep your phone?! And why would a legit company cut you a check for 10s of thousands of dollars? Why not just transfer the money EFT? Why couldn't he cash the check and wire the money to himself? I had so many questions and he had excuses but not answers. Then the request that I send him money. I told him I could not do that. He said that he would be put in a Mexican jail (wasn't he already in one?!) and that his business manager couldn't do anything for him. That his bank couldn't do anything for him. Right.

So I texted him that I had an FBI neighbor/friend across the street that would make inquiries about his situation if he gave me the details. He said please don't involve the FBI. That's when he fessed up and said that his business transaction wasn't exactly legit. HE WAS SELLING GUNS AND AMUNITION IN MEXICO!! A gun runner! WOW. What a tale we weave.... I said that I couldn't do anything for him. That he needed to lose my information and not contact me anymore. He begged me to help him. I said no. I blocked his texts and had no more contact with him.

CONCLUSION

At least this time I didn't fall for ANY of his BS. The nagging inconsistency in the back of my mind persisted. "You've seen this before." I HAVE seen this before. I've seen it way too many times. I am an incurable optimist but this is leading to the cure!

The first time I was taken in by an online dating scammer, was about a year after my husband died and I had been online for about 6 months just trying to find companionship. I was missing male companionship. I "met" a guy online that strung me along for SIX weeks who worked on "an oil rig in the Black Sea." He sent me pictures of the rig! Pictures of the rig in a massive storm. He had a daughter in Miami that was living with his mother while he was out of the country working. He actually sent me a cashier's check because he couldn't get back without me buying him an airline ticket home! And I deposited it & waited for it to clear (totally bogus check that the BANK accepted & then it totally screwed up my bank account!).

It has been 18 years since then. I have had countless attempts since then to scam me through my heart. The scams have evolved but are recognizable if you know what to look for. Too many "red flags" to go into on this post but look for it in the future. Stay safe out there and if it seems to good to be true...it's not true!

ONLINE DATING 2021: THE LAST SCAM

PREFACE

I QUIT!

Okay. Here's the story of the last month. In "chapters" because it's a long story. It is a cautionary tale for single women everywhere. Pay Attention!

I have been using online dating services since 2003. Yes, the beginning of the whole thing. I was a new widow then. I had been out of the "dating" scene for 20 years. A lot changes in two decades, but not as much as those particular decades. 1982-2002 saw many leaps in technology, communications, internet access, social media, and innovative scam artists.

STORY

Chapter One: First Contact

We connected through Tinder. He was a widow. I was a widow. He was originally from South Africa. A white South African who immigrated to California in 2009, where he met his wife. She died 3 years later of cancer, leaving him with a two year old daughter. His daughter died of colon cancer in December 2020. He blames the doctors and their preoccupation with the pandemic for not giving her the "best" treatment and allowing her to die.

He is an independent contractor in cyber-security and military grade security equipment. His name. Klump Williams. He was going by William on the Tinder sight but once we moved over to texting on the phone, he revealed his true name and said I could call him either. I said I preferred his real name and called him Klump. We "met" on May 5th, 2021. He sent VERY long-winded texts, very unlike typical men. He made enough English grammar/spelling mistakes for it to be his second language. He sent pictures of his 2 dogs and 3 cats, relaxing with him on the couch. Also many more endearing poses supposedly sent in "real time." He was quite handsome.

He then started texting me several times a day, every day. He professed his "love" for me. And asked that I trust him, "why can't I trust him?", and saying I was the first woman he'd contacted. Klump hadn't dated in 9 years?! *suspicious*

CONCLUSION

This is what they do. They say all the right things. Agree to text to get to know you. Don't push an in-person meeting. Post appealing pictures that cater to info on your profile. I really thought this one might be a REAL person. A man I could like. A man I could become friends with and possibly more. But as the following chapters will reveal, that was not the case. Even in the first texts, on Tinder, I had that nagging inconsistency in the back of my mind. "You've seen this before." To be continued....

NOT REALLY INTO THEM

PREFACE
You meet for the first time, you know within five minutes that you are not into this person as a romantic interest. It might be possible that you could be friends but do you really want to invest the time in getting to know each other? Maybe, maybe not. You may even go so far as to give it the chance of a goodnight kiss. Still nothing. Do you tell them now? Before you part ways?

STORY
I hear different responses from different friends. (1) Tell the person right away that you are not interested in a second date. (2) Give it a chance by agreeing to a second date and see what happens. (3) Let them know as soon as communication exchanged between the two of you has given you enough indication that this relationship is not going anywhere. (4) Go out several times and give it enough time to grow to like/love the person. (5) Don't be so picky. Anyone can become a soul mate. (This last one I really DON'T understand!)

Are we so thin skinned that we cannot take rejection? Or so afraid of being insensitive or "the bad guy" that we can't be adult and honest? Is it better to be with someone who doesn't feel the same affection towards us, rather than be alone or to avoid hurting their feelings?

CONCLUSION
My answer...NO! DO NOT SETTLE!! Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Anyone can find things to fill "alone time" without having to be constantly entertained or affirmed. Go with your instincts and be honest. It is the only way to be true to yourself. And after all is said and done, you have to live with yourself! Happy Dating!!

TOO MUCH STIMULATION

PREFACE
Be careful when starting up a new sexual relationship! Whether it be with the opposite sex or a new sex toy. When we were young and just beginning to explore sex, there's a condition called "The Ditney (sp)" which was defined as "over f**ked and underfed"...or at least in my time. It happened when you got with a new partner and screwed like rabbits. Every which way, every moment available. Sometimes you went for days, just sex...naps...food...more sex, and repeat. (LOL) Well, apparently this can happen when breaking in a new sex toy too (and having more sex with a partner than you're use to). The condition is soreness when urinating, sometimes burning, sometimes pain, due to the overabundance of rubbing in the area of the urinary tract.

STORY
I had a reaction on Tuesday night to all the sex and sex toy play I'd had last week! It was not pleasant but it was short-lived, thank goodness. In the most delicate way I can put it, I had the urge to pee all the time! After 7 hours of it, it became quite painful. Thankfully, after taking some Motrin and drinking lots of water, it did subside. Add to the 'too much stimulation' that I had also been working outside in the heat, losing buckets of sweat and not paying attention to how much water I drank (this was for the two days prior to Tuesday night). So a combination of dehydration and over-stimulation with the Relentless Rabbit caused this urgency to manifest. It had been so long since I had experienced anything like this that I didn't recognize it for what it was. I was looking up the symptoms on the internet (which sometimes the access to so much information CAN be a bad thing) and imagining all sorts of things. Once I realized what had happened and followed my instincts, everything was fine. My instincts told me to increase my intake of water and try to bring down the inflammation, which was probably internal (hence the Motrin).

CONCLUSION
Don't be so paranoid about sex. Those in charge of education unfortunately have been fueled by the organized religions into scaring the crap out of everybody. It's all about controlling the masses. Our children have had it drilled into their heads by the school system that sex is bad (abstain), it will kill you (STDs), or you will get pregnant and ruin your life. In the 21st century, you would have thought we would be more advanced than this as a developed country. Yes, you have to be careful (STDs can be spread orally as well). Yes, you have to use protection (WARNING: lambskin is only good against pregnancy not STDs). Yes, anything in excess is bad for you (there's no shame in using lubricant). So try to practice moderation. And if you get 'The Ditney', just try to cuddle more and cause friction less for a while, or alternate manual stimulation with mechanical, to allow time for recovery. Enjoy your life as a sexual being!

10 DAYS TO BLISS

Now that I finally know that BT is coming on the 24th, I almost can't stand the wait. 10 days and counting!

He and I met online (8/20/05) through AmericanSingles.com when I was a paying member after he sent me the first contact email. This was just before Hurricane Katrina brushed Florida and went on to demolish New Orleans. He had been divorced a couple years and was living in Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. Originally from the Boston area, he was GM of a plant in Santo Domingo. He would fly every two weeks to Boston to visit with his three children and would fly through Miami International Airport.

The first time I met him, was during one of his layovers at MIA. We had been emailing and IM'g for about ten days before he had a 90 minute stop at MIA and wanted to meet me. Through a series of mis-communications (something that seems to plague us throughout our relationship), I was in the wrong area of the airport and my cellphone was useless to call him. I finally found him and was so upset at all the time that was wasted that I cried. He was so gentle and caring...he took me aside to a spot that was more private, and he held me, hugged me, and then we kissed (monumental, fireworks, earthshaking...WOW kisses!). We did this for about 15 minutes before they called for his flight to Boston. I walked him to his gate and watched him until he disappeared from view. That was the first of many short encounters, with long separations and some emails and IMs in between.

April 2007, we spent 48 hours in a hotel room across from Miami Airport. The longest time we had had together in two years of brief encounters and long silences. BT had been assigned additional plants to supervise, one in Honduras. I was very worried about his safety. I decided to tell him that I loved him and let him off the hook about telling me back. I just wanted him to know that I loved him. I emailed him while he was in flight that I was afraid that I had scared him by telling him. He emailed me that telling me hadn't scared him, it had only made him want to be back with me even more than before. Then I didn't hear a word from him for three months! No email replies, no IM replies. I was so worried that something had happened and no one there knew to notify me about it. I finally emailed his work email and got a response. One that ripped my guts out. He had found someone in SD and they had been seeing each other for two months! I cried for three days. I was devastated. I had finally found that I could love someone after losing George, only to lose that love to someone more convenient...a local. It took me a long time to recover.

August 2008, I received an email from BT after more than a year of silence. He was re-establishing contact with me at one of the lowest times in my life. I wasn't able to meet with him as he flew through MIA (I had no transportation at the time and was living in a spare room at my sister's). His company had cut back on travel expenses and he only flew to Boston every six weeks or so, if then. He was traveling much more for business than to visit his kids. In one of his emails he said it was nice to know he had such a good friend "with benefits" in Florida. We IM'd and emailed, signing with 'Love ya.' Then we met in May 2009 for a short encounter during a layover at Orlando Airport. I still love him and will take what ever pleasure I can get from his company. Life is short...life is good.

FOLLOWING YOUR INSTINCTS

Several years ago, I was a graduate student studying in two Master's programs at the same time, teaching a Saturday desktop publishing course, and working in the graphics design lab as a monitor/tech support. I loved the academic atmosphere and helping/teaching the undergrads. One day during lab hours, I had a heated discussion with one student about human natural instincts. He was of the opinion that humans have had all their natural instincts erased or evolved out of existence because of modern civilization and technology. I argued that we still have our instincts, they're just buried deep down because we don't need to use them and it's the lazy way to just not try to use them. The debate went on for several hours while he worked on his digital project and I went about my duties, helping him and other students with software and hardware problems. Other students in the computer lab joined in the conversation, expressing their opinions also. The conclusion was: we agreed to disagree. The original student would not budge on his opinion that modern homo sapiens don't have any natural instincts.

I have seen and experienced the end results of instinct and believe down to my bone marrow, that we DO have instincts but that we have just been taught not to follow them, not to trust them. It's when we second guess our instincts that things go wrong. Some people call it "gut feeling", some call it psychic ability, others have "keen sense of judgment", and still others seem to have "all the luck" in anything they do. It all comes down to following or listening to your inner voice.

Last night I was headed to a dance party event sponsored by a dating service I belong to and things just didn't work out as I had planned. By the time I was ready to go I was already an hour behind schedule and didn't make it to the event until it was almost over. Instead of stressing over my lateness, I decided that the driving and getting out was what I had desired most and that I was starving and wanted to get something to eat, a libation, and listen to some good rock'n'roll music. I was tooling down US1 just south of Boca Raton (FL, where the dance was) and started looking for a club or bar with food and music. It was 10:30PM on a Friday night, how hard would it be to find what I was looking for?? Harder than you think when you don't know the area well. Good clubs can be quite camouflaged...tucked away in strip malls, or by seedy-looking exteriors. Finally, I passed a place that I heard the music from across the street, going in the opposite direction. I hung a U-ey and turned into the parking lot to John L. Sullivan's Irish Pub and Restaurant (which I found out later is in Lighthouse Point, FL, just north of Sample Rd.). My instincts had led me to some fine LIVE rock'n'roll music, good Irish cuisine (had the Sheppard's Pie, excellent!) and a friendly, casual atmosphere. I enjoyed my food and the Glen Livet, and the music (if the music is too loud, you're too old!!). Instincts are valid and should be trusted more. Try it!