RETIREMENT AGE DATING

PREFACE
I have to qualify the title "Retirement Age Dating" to what it means to me at this point in time. It means those single women and men just short of or at retirement age. Now retirement age use to mean 65 (and that is what it means to me) but now full retirement age is 67! or even 70! We are living longer and working longer. Of course, more women are living longer than more men but that's another article. There are a lot of places now that consider ME a senior at 55 and give me the senior discount!

STORY
(1) I have a sister 9 years and 5 months older than I and she has been single for more than 30 years. First single when her husband left her for a 16 yo girl (yes, really!) and then legally divorced from same husband 9 years later so he could marry same girl who was then 25 (!).  My sister raised her only son by herself, fighting tooth & nail for support from her well-paid fireman husband. She didn't date because of being legally married and also due to her son (not wanting a parade of men vying for his affections/approval, nor wanting any ammo for the estranged husband on her lifestyle or reputation). She had two serious relationships in the last 20 years but neither worked out satisfactorily. Just recently she put herself on a popular dating site with explicit wants and needs for a companion (not a sex partner or marriage prospect). She got DF who is perfect in a multitude of ways, but she is not romantically nor sexually attracted to him. He so far he is satisfied with the arrangement and caters to her needs and wants without looking for a love commitment or physical involvement.
(2) The lady next door is 63 1/2 and widowed now 5 years. She was very shy about starting to date again but has been steadily seeing a man 10+ years her senior. He is different than any man she has ever known and he doesn't treat her well. He's the first man she has had sex with since her late husband died. The sex is great according to her. Their relationship has been off-and-on over the past two years. He has broken her heart several times only to come back and start it all up again. He tells her to seek out her other options (date other men who are interested) and then becomes jealous and insults her when she does. She dated one man who is very wealthy and could take care of her in style, treats her like a queen (except when he wanted to have sex with her and after she said it was too soon, he said he'd be willing to pay...!...what is wrong with men in their 70's???). Her steady guy is on lots of medications and has recently been taken off two of them. He's back in her life again and she sees a big improvement. Maybe it has been the combination of meds that has made him so "bipolar!" but we'll have to wait and see on that.
(3) And then there's me...55...educated...full-figured...energetic...diverse interests/experiences..healthy sexual appetite. What do I find? Men who want one-night-stands or fall madly in love with me and I feel nothing or I really like them and never get a second date-or-phone call-or-any communication ever again...WTF? This happens across age groups and ethnic groups. I've dated men from 25-64 and most every race. I'm so tired of searching and being disappointed.

CONCLUSION
It is a crap shoot! In my opinion, you have nothing to lose in putting yourself out there, whether it's online or in real life. The only condition is that you have to be willing to accept love into your life. If you send good thoughts and wishes out into the universe, you will draw good things to you. Whether you pray or meditate, do morning and evening affirmations, write down your wants and needs, build a dream board or let go and let God...sooner or later, you will find someone right for you. My wish for you is that you recognize them when they come along!! Happy dating!

NOT REALLY INTO THEM

PREFACE
You meet for the first time, you know within five minutes that you are not into this person as a romantic interest. It might be possible that you could be friends but do you really want to invest the time in getting to know each other? Maybe, maybe not. You may even go so far as to give it the chance of a goodnight kiss. Still nothing. Do you tell them now? Before you part ways?

STORY
I hear different responses from different friends. (1) Tell the person right away that you are not interested in a second date. (2) Give it a chance by agreeing to a second date and see what happens. (3) Let them know as soon as communication exchanged between the two of you has given you enough indication that this relationship is not going anywhere. (4) Go out several times and give it enough time to grow to like/love the person. (5) Don't be so picky. Anyone can become a soul mate. (This last one I really DON'T understand!)

Are we so thin skinned that we cannot take rejection? Or so afraid of being insensitive or "the bad guy" that we can't be adult and honest? Is it better to be with someone who doesn't feel the same affection towards us, rather than be alone or to avoid hurting their feelings?

CONCLUSION
My answer...NO! DO NOT SETTLE!! Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Anyone can find things to fill "alone time" without having to be constantly entertained or affirmed. Go with your instincts and be honest. It is the only way to be true to yourself. And after all is said and done, you have to live with yourself! Happy Dating!!

OUTBACK: PART DEUX

PREFACE
Two weeks ago I went to dinner with AW at Outback. I was running late and called him on my way to the restaurant which is only considerate. I was 20 minutes late which might have sent many men into a tantrum but AW was cool with it. He's easy-going, polite, attentive, and attractive. So why wouldn't I give him a chance to make me happy?

STORY
I am not physically attracted to him. There...I said it. I can't imagine myself having sex with him. Women can say this. Men can think about having sex with any woman (they make a multitude of jokes about it) or go through with sex with a woman while thinking of another woman (not saying that women don't do this too). Women think too much. We over-think everything, most of the time. It is our un-doing!

The first red flag was his statement that he just wanted to go to dinner and not a movie, because he didn't want to share the time with a movie. Meaning that he wanted no distractions from concentrating his attention on me. He just wants to cuddle with me. To watch a movie at my house and just "chill" with a pizza would make him happy. Starting to sound too familiar.

CONCLUSION
So I was going to tell him that he shouldn't waste any more time pursuing me. But maybe he wants to...waste his time. I am too nice. There are numerous women who would have him take them to dinner, movies, expensive shows, concerts, and spend, spend, spend...not me. I like him but he doesn't stimulate me intellectually.

OUTBACK FOR BEGINNERS

PREFACE
I really am getting ahead of myself. I am about to get up from the computer, get dressed and drive 15 miles to Outback Steakhouse to meet yet another online contact. He is driving up from West Palm Beach (80 miles away!). I am treating this as casually as I can.

STORY
We met about a 3 weeks ago on this new site I just joined, BBPeopleMeet.com It is for people who are overweight or tall & overweight or men who like very curvy women. I have avoided this kind of online dating site because of some horror stories about Chubby Chasers (men who are borderline, and not so borderline, fetish or obsessed with overweight women). I prefer men who are average or athletic, even 30-40lbs over their optimum weight, but not obese. Reason being it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom, and sometimes downright a turn-off or impossibility. Two fat people trying to have sex can be very unsatisfying (at least in my experience).

CONCLUSION
I do like AM from our email exchanges and he has a pleasant voice on the phone. I am not turned on my the picture he has posted on his profile, and my gut feelings are that I am not expecting any sparks to fly. I am just expecting a pleasant meal and conversation for a change in my routine of late. I am hoping he is not expecting anything more than that. He invited me to dinner, but I will be honest with my impression and feelings for him...and then offer to pay for my meal. Stay tuned for more....

LOVE, MONEY, HEALTH & JOY

PREFACE
I was about to title this entry with NO in front of each word but stopped myself before attracting the opposite of what is desired. The Law of Attraction is restatement of positive thinking. Your mind does not hear the NO, NOT, NEVER. Always state things in the positive.

STORY
If you want NO pain, all your mind hears is PAIN. So you need to concentrate on PAINLESS or PAIN FREE. If you say "I don't want to leave" all your mind hears is "I want to leave" instead of saying "I want to stay and be happy." Negative thoughts are so much easier because we have been programmed by our environment, our parents, or spouses and friends...however well meaning they think they are. Being a positive thinker is hard work in some circumstances.

What we think is what will be. Thought is manifestation. I do believe that it all started with a thought...the BIG BANG...Creation...God. One thought...One idea. LOVE?

God lives within me, as me.

That which we think we are, we are. Everything that happens is of our own making. Our reality is of our own making.

CONCLUSION

Be deliberate in creating reality. Dream and then create.

FEBRUARY - FREE (E)HARMONY!

PREFACE
Well eHarmony has done it again! They put themselves out there...phishing for members...with a free month (the shortest of the year) of communication between ALL members, paying or not. Communication up to FREE COMMUNICATION through their site-based email.

STORY
I have been a member of eHarmony for 8 years now. No, not a paying member all that time (I'd be bankrupt several times over!). The advantage of being a non-paying member? None, except when they offer "specials" like 3 months for the price of one month, free weekends or three-day holiday weekends, and just recently, 10-day stretches of FREE. All with their own restrictions (in fine print) but shows that eHarmony is trying to be competitive. Their regular $59 per month charge is OUTRAGEOUS in terms of comparison to other dating sites charges and comparable results (no matter what their commercial ads say).

I took full advantage of the month and made a few connections but again, nothing that has progressed into an actual face-to-face meeting. I have made one contact who lives up north, far away. He seems to be a good match but there are "problems" with communication on the phone. I have run into "scheduled" phone calls before. Most of the time it means there is a wife or live-in girlfriend involved. Although his explanation is plausible in that I have encountered it myself. He says that the place where he lives interferes with cellphone signals and he can only talk in certain places in the house. He also has roommates (?) so talking on the phone can be annoying or disruptive to "them."

My similar situation was at my sister's house where I lived for a year...NO cellphone signal could get through her walls. I had to run out the front or back door into the yard to pick up an incoming call. To make a call I could sit very, very still next to my computer in my room or on the toilet (not necessarily doing any business), or out in the yard. I could send text messages...lower level signal so they could get through more often than not. Oh, and she didn't allow me to give out her phone number at the house to any of my dates (in case of psychos...not that I dated any...thank god).

CONCLUSION
I am a trusting person and always believe the best of people, until proven wrong. I am only suspicious when I come across the same scenario again and again. Suspicion may be too harsh a word. Be aware. Proceed with caution.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!?

PREFACE
This new year has given renewed hope to me in the form of "try something new." The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing something the same way and expecting different results. I cannot keep trolling the dating sites, reading endless profiles, and going on countless 'first meetings' without some positive results. I have realized that I must lighten up (in many ways) and get on with what I want.

STORY
I figure I have read approximately 30,000 profiles, on more than a dozen dating sites...and that doesn't count the ones that I glanced at and dismissed for one RED FLAG or another. The RED FLAGS are different for everybody but I'm sure there are some that are universal; not bothering to fill out more than basic information (or filling it with xxxxxxxxx's or other symbols), no picture (along with no info), one picture from 50 yards away or close-up of hat & sunglasses (member of Wit-Sec??).

My personal RED FLAGS are; golfer (don't need to be widowed again), hates cats, just wants the hook-up (casual sex), someone whose body language in their picture says volumes (no smile, crossed arms, bar scene with drink in hand...mostly depends on how drunk they look in the pic), holding up BIG fish (as your main profile pic?? come on...really?), all profile pics are of toys (Vet, Harley, speedy boat...etc...compensating for a little penis, ED, or mid-life crisis?), women in the pic with no explanation as to who they are, men who live farther than a two hour drive (they will never make the trip to meet and just want internet sex...more on that later), former contacts that have changed their ID (more than once) or have multiple profiles but I recognize their picture, long-winded profiles with massive misspellings/horrible grammar, and more for another time.

CONCLUSION
It continues to amaze me that men and women (or any couples) get together with so many variables to consider. I don't judge any relationship that works, however it is configured. We are all God's creatures and as long as no one gets hurt, what is the big deal?? We all are worthy of love and there is someone for everyone. FINDING that someone is the biggest challenge.

Spring is in the air. Recent rain in my area has made the grass green again, one of the first signs of spring in Florida. The next three weeks are the BEST of winter in Florida and then SPRING pops out all over the place. I can only hope that LOVE is poised and ready to do the same! Oh, did I mention that eHarmony is having FREE CONTACT for a MONTH!! I told you there are signs of spring.