Saturday, May 30, 2009


I received this first contact email today:
(This is copied & pasted exactly as sent except for personal information.)

Hello pretty,
I was surfing through profiles after a longtime on this site and i came across your picture,it attracted me so i stopped and decided to read your profile and wow,your profile is just as great as your picture itself.What a beauty!You definitely got your appearance so attracting and appealing.Nobody is gonna skip your profile without sending you a message.I can see sincerity in your eyes.
You look far younger than your age.Is what you have on this site a correct statement of your age?Well for once i thought," hey dare not try contacting her because a pretty lady of this type is already seriously dating'' but again I decided to give it a shot by sending you an email as there is no harm in trying. I really will like to hear back from you so i get to know you more.u can email me on or we can talk on yahoo im, also you can leave your number so that i can call you if you don't mind. .hope to hear from you soon bye

What is wrong with this? Nothing, you say? If you can't see it, then you've probably been writing emails like this or worse. It shows the deterioration of the English language skills and letter writing in this country. Run together sentences, improper grammar, and that doesn't even address the content! Just because it's email doesn't mean you should ignore proper form. A woman will be impressed with a man's intelligence in the way he expresses himself. (Apologies to those who are immigrants but, LEARN THE LANGUAGE!)


1) Open your email with a salutation and end with a signature, i.e. Dear XXXX, or use their ID or something romantic (Beautiful Lady, Dear Venus, etc...). Once you know a woman's real name, address her by it...Dear Jill, Dear Vanessa, or just Vanessa. And please end it with a closing and your signature (name). "Awaiting your reply, John" "Ciao, Eric" "Have a blessed day, Robert" so that she can address you in her reply.

2) Compliments should be sincere, used sparingly, and be creative. DO NOT SAY: "You have a great body." "You are so hot!" "Hot and sexy!" These short, one line compliments are no better than construction workers whistling and cat-calling at a girl passing by. They are offensive, not compliments, when given to a total stranger. It would be better to tell a woman that she has classic beauty, or that she reminds you of someone you had a crush on, or that your life would be improved if you knew her better. Don't gush. Give one or two compliments and move on.

3) Try to get a reaction. Intrigue her, make her laugh, express something about you or your life that you think she might share an interest, tell her about an activity that would be so much more fun if you did it together (not sex! not this soon). If nothing comes to mind, ask questions about what she's into...READ HER PROFILE! Don't just look at the pictures.

4) Thank her for noticing you. "Thanks for taking the time to read my email." "Thanks for looking at my profile. There is so much more that I didn't include." "I can understand if you aren't interested in me romantically but if you need a friend to talk to, I'm here." You can never have enough friends. And sometimes, good friendships turn into great romances.

5) Answer her email promptly. If you can't answer right away, send a short note letting her know that. "Thank you for your email. Things are hectic right now. Will write more soon." and then make the time to answer her. If she's interested in getting to know you better, don't rush into more intimate contact; like giving her every possible way to contact you all at once. Ask if she'd like to message in real time (instant messaging) or would she prefer to talk on the phone. Then let her ask for your information. If her reply says she's not interested, see #4.

I have noticed men rush into phone contact or meeting face to face, putting pressure on the relationship before it even starts. Some men can't type. Let a woman know that or LEARN TO TYPE FASTER! Women are word-based, men are visual-based. Learn to invest some time in expressing yourself, listening, and getting to know a woman as a person. If all you want is sex, then asking every woman you're attracted to if they want to have sex will get you some eventually (just by sheer percentages) but it won't be something you can count on. Establishing conversation and mutual interest will have a woman coming back for more.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


While I was in Orlando (between the great sex and showering together) I got a phone call on my cellphone. I answered it only because I get so few calls that I figured it must be important coming from my sister. She was calling to ask my help in moving her classroom. The conversation was short enough that I didn't feel it necessary to tell her she interrupted an intimate moment. I told her I'd drive down to Ft. Lauderdale and help her pack up, sort through, and throw away what was necessary to get her moved from her art room that serviced 800 students/week to her new classroom for 20 second graders next year.

Toni has been teaching elementary art for 16 years at the same school. She got her degree later in life after 30 years as an independent sign painter. Three days after receiving her diploma, she was hired to teach art in an elementary school with 800 students. This year the Broward County School System (South Florida) decided to eliminate art from elementary schools and therefore, eliminating her job. She compensated by immediately getting certified to teach elementary ed to K-3 and will be teaching 2nd grade next year. She saved her employment, her paycheck, and her retirement in four years. She shouldn't have had to do this and this is wrong on so many levels.

Art has more uses than any other subject that is taught. It allows a break from the increasing academic pressures while giving kids an outlet for their creativity. Problem-solving and logic are the core of artistic projects. Students learn about science, math, history, and language incorporated into art classes. They are taught responsibility and conservation (of materials) in art class. There is a special family bond that is formed in an art class (between students and between students and teachers). I lament on what kind of children we will be graduating from elementary school without art. A little less beauty in the world. Fewer sparks of innovation and more creative minds repressed. A large percentage of children that don't do well in math, science, or history, blossom in art, music, performing arts, or creative writing. These are just as important as academic subjects.

Everything we see and buy has been created by an artist. When will the politicians in charge of the money realize art is necessary?! When will artists and educators not have to defend the need for art and not have to fight or beg for every dime that goes for art education??? The family of man will always need to express itself through art.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I had it all planned. Two days in an upscale 3 star hotel in Orlando. BT had a 6 1/2 hour layover in the Orlando International Airport and the hotel is the top floors of the airport. How's that for convenience? I haven't seen him in two years. I was so excited I could hardly sleep. He was coming in at 9:30AM and his departure flight was at 4:30PM. I ordered breakfast for 8AM, so I could eat and then nap while waiting for him to pickup the key/card I left for him at the desk. He would come up and slip into bed with me and wake me with sensual affections. I even condescended to wear a thong and matching camisole, thinking that he would have something to "unwrap." That was the plan.

He still hadn't arrived by 10:00AM. I figured he must be held up at customs. The hotel CC channel only showed departure information. I napped some more and then it was 11:15!! I checked my email (which had been our only communication through his Blackberry since he was on the road). Had he lost my phone number?! He had sent me an email asking "Where are you?" I emailed him back. "I'm in room ### waiting for you. There's a key waiting for you at the front desk." 15 minutes later he knocked on the door. I opened the door and asked why he hadn't used his key? He said they didn't have an envelope for him at the desk...I said no, they had a key for him...He said no they didn't! I was pissed! But I didn't care, he was there! and I threw my arms around him and said, "I don't care, you're here now, I don't care!" and we kissed, and held each other. And then when we came up for air, he told me..."I didn't think you were here. I changed my flight to an earlier flight" and my heart sunk. Instead of five hours, we now had an hour and a half. He said, "It's usually impossible to change to an earlier flight, but this time it wasn't." OH JOYS! WTF!? Damn if our timing doesn't suck! Or is it just our communication?

So we made the best use of the time we had. We got naked, fell into each others arms, gave personal attention to each other and then got down to serious sex. After he came, we held each other, intertwined, and talked and sighed...deep, satisfied, comfortable sighs. Then we took a shower and soaped each other thoroughly and it was glorious. He got dressed and I came out with only a towel on my wet hair. He said, "You're naked." I said, "I am." We kissed, and he said that maybe he would get bumped from the flight and could stay over. I said I'd pray for it. We kissed...long, deep, soulful...and then at the door, just before he left, we hand on his cheek, looking deep into his eyes...I said, "love you"...and he said, "love you"...and then he was gone. An hour and a half of joy!

1:30 came and went..No news..2:00PM...I knew he was on his way back to Santo Domingo. He promised to try to make arrangements to have a longer layover soon, like overnight. He visits his uncle in Orlando once a year (with his kids) but he'd plan to slip away a day or two to see me. But that's not until August. Long distance relationships SUCK!

Sunday, May 10, 2009


And it is a mutha' of a day. 37 years without one, missing her every Mother's Day, birthday (hers, mine, my son's), holiday, and any day that I'm depressed and feeling like I have no focus or purpose. Any day that I need comfort, guidance, support, or motherly wisdom, the vacuum left behind in her absence is a cavernous ache in my heart and soul. I had to face becoming an adult woman, becoming a wife, pregnancy, childbirth, young motherhood, empty nest, widowhood, and menopause without a mother to help me through any of it.

The only thing that got me through it all is the part of me that is her. Her determination, strength of will, tenacity, and the unwavering conviction that I can be and have whatever...if I want it bad enough. Nothing is impossible. I have her sheer appreciation and enjoyment of simple pleasures and pure beauty. Through example and necessity, she taught me independence and self-reliance. She taught me to be frugal but always invest in that which is made well and lasts. I inherited her thirst for knowledge. I see her in my son and my nephew...little sparks that remind me of her.

I'm trying to read through her diaries and create something from them. Something that will live on long after I'm gone from this plane of existence. I only had her in my life for 15 1/2 years and I would like her to "come alive" to my son and my granddaughter, who never had the chance to know her. I remember her and my sister remembers her, but the memory of Sunny Anderson needs to be accessible to the future. I don't want her spark to go unnoticed.

Evelyn (Sunny) Marie Insley Anderson (April 16, 1923 - July 2, 1972)

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you and miss you.

Friday, May 08, 2009


Got a phone call and voice mail today from T finally. He said "I wanted to call and say hi. We had a good time, didn't we?" That was it. No, "call me back" or "Sorry I didn't call sooner" and then an excuse as to why, "I'd like to see you again." My instincts were correct (as they usually are) and all he wanted was sex. He made contact frequently to facilitate interest on my part and a meeting. I'm too blasted honest about sex and what I want for my own good. Do I have to tell a man when I expect him to call me? Like, "I expect you to call me, no later than tomorrow, to tell me how much you enjoyed my company." Are men this insensitive? YES! Are men this unappreciative? YES!

TWO WEEKS he waits to call me! Which planet does this man come from? As I said in the earlier post, I didn't expect anything more than this, so I'm not disappointed. But I wish I had been pleasantly surprised instead. Se la vie!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009



It takes a lot of courage to write an email to someone to whom you are attracted. Lots of dating sites allow for "winks," "icebreakers," "flirts," and other synonyms for (mostly free) first contact. ( is notorious for sending unsolicited winks to it's members to generate interest between matches. Just be polite and honest with a contact if you didn't send the wink.) Here's some hints on what it all means, so you don't get the wrong idea of intentions. These terms all have to do with the site and it's vocabulary.

  1. Someone looks/views your profile - means JUST that. They looked at you. It doesn't mean they are interested in you. Unless they look at your profile a lot, many times a week, or everyday (this might be a very shy person or a stalker...too soon to tell).
  2. Someone sent you a wink - means look at me, read my profile and see if you like me. They were looking through the matches sent to them by the dating site or collected in a search, and thought you looked nice or you might have something in common with each other. If you like what you see, wink back or email them that you like what you see/read.
  3. Someone added you to their favorites or black book - means they are interested in you. They were looking through their matches and did not want to forget you but were not quite ready to send a wink or email. If they don't initiate contact within a week or so and you are interested, then you initiate contact with an email. It makes a stronger statement than just a wink. Put some thought into it and ask some questions to get the conversation going.
  4. Someone sends you an email with less than a paragraph. These emails consist of: "Your really hot!" "I want to get to know you." "You so sexy. Email me if your interested." "Heres my phone number/email/IM ID. Plese contact me." and so on.... (If the obvious lack of spelling/grammar or self expression doesn't turn you off immediately, then pursue it.) These are so uninteresting that you can ignore them without any response. If they are not going to even ask you a question or tell you something, they didn't put much thought into the contact. More than likely they are just looking for a brief encounter. Don't feel guilty about being rude, they certainly were.
  5. Someone sends you an email with some thought to the content but they don't want to waste a lot of time on emailing back and forth. They want to talk on the phone right away. These people more than not are not very good at typing and/or expressing themselves in writing. They also don't want to invest any time in building a relationship. Put in the time! Find someone with like goals who does not mind getting to know you through each step of the way. Otherwise, you will have a lot of first meetings, few real dates, and lots of one-night-stands. But if that's what you're looking for, go for it. Just be honest with yourself and your date.
You have to find your own comfort zone as to when you will talk on the phone, give out other contact information, and schedule your first meeting (remember short and sweet, less than 30 mins.). Don't let rejection go to your heart. There are so many eligible partners out there, and also many friends to be made. Stay open emotionally and don't get discouraged.

Saturday, May 02, 2009



To my son on his 24th birthday, I hope today brings you happiness. Celebrate the fact that you are alive. Do something you really want to do. Have some fun. Be with people that you enjoy. I love you sweetheart.

The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. It was the happiest day of your father's life. He said it was the best birthday present he'd had ever gotten (even though you were a week late for his birthday). You gave him great joy, as you do me. He was so proud of the you and I am so proud of the man you've become.

Think of what is important to you, what excites you, what brings you joy, and work towards making those things the priorities in your life. Be open emotionally, affectionate, and loving, and you will attract the same. Try to be of service to others without losing yourself. Be good to yourself.

Happy Birthday, son. I love you.

Friday, May 01, 2009


I'm here waiting. I'm looking for you. I have put myself out there on countless dating sites. I have read 20,000 profiles, written 10,000 emails and IMs. I've gone on hundreds of "first meetings" and "first dates" and dozens of second dates...had brief encounters, no encounters...made several long term friends and friends with benefits. I've broken hearts and had my heart broken.

WHERE ARE YOU? I need you to laugh with me and to make me laugh. To share secrets, hold my hand, rub my back, and say how great I cook. You were suppose to wake me up this morning with a gentle kiss on my shoulder, spooned up against me, wrapped up in your arms. And then I was suppose to rock your world. I need to give all this love and affection to you, not to mention full body massages. I was suppose to tell you how much I love you today, but you weren't here.

WHERE ARE YOU? There's a new Star Trek movie opening and I wanted to see it with you. I wanted to wash your clothes. I wanted to go shopping with you for your new shoes but you're not here. I wanted to get tickets to the baseball game, the comedy show, and the art exhibit but I can't find you to go with me. Where are you?