SPRING FORWARD 2013

 

PREFACE

This is a "memory" post from Facebook that came up today. I figured I'd publish it here and now, just to keep it alive in my blog, if not in my mind.

STORY

MARCH 10, 2013:

I am immobile on the couch, with my computer next to me, listening to Spotify radio based on 80s music (Don Henley specifically), my marigolds sitting outside in the dark waiting for me to come out and "finish already!"...my stomach growling, and I really need to go to bed early tonight to take my car in to be worked on at 8AM! I love that the time has sprung forward but I wish I hadn't stayed out partying until 2AM and witnessed the change! (No, I really don't...I had a good time!)

I'm not complaining, just wondering what to do next. I guess I'll put away my gardening stuff for tomorrow...eat something relatively healthy...NOT watch "Rock of Ages" tonight...play a little Gardens of Time...go to bed & set my alarm. I really hate waking up by an alarm (so unnatural).

CONCLUSION

I remember what it was like to live alone. To have a house to myself. To be accountable to no one. I'm not sure if I was teaching at this time in the year of 2013. My last classes were taught in August of 2013. So spring semester might have been over, but probably not, since we usually ended classes at the end of April, beginning of May (then graduation at the end of May). I really miss teaching.

COVID-19 LOCKDOWN - WEEK 6

PREFACE
Six weeks into "stay in place" and I haven't lost my mind. I started limiting my travels outside on March 5th. I'm still here. I'm still healthy. I'm a homebody. That's what they call someone that doesn't go out much. Someone who stays home and lives their life in a smaller world than most people. It's not a choice I made but a choice I fell into after experiencing one last trauma that broke me. PTSD. Depression. Anxiety. Being single, female, older, and vulnerable...prevented me venturing out to nightclubs, dating events, even movies...until I just went out to do the few jobs I contract to perform, and occasional "drive to nowhere" to relieve stress. I saw it coming...just wish our country's leadership had seen it coming.

STORY
Now, the coronavirus pandemic! After an extended time, our governor finally ordered a lockdown of the state of Florida on April 1st, 2020. After thousands and tens of thousands of spring breakers played on the beaches for weeks after the first confirmed cases, oblivious to the damage (contagion) that they were spreading. They believed they were immune to a DEADLY VIRUS. Youth. Hubris. False concept of immortality. We may never know the extent of the deaths that delay caused.
The lockdown didn't change my life very much.

I wipe down the groceries that are delivered to my door (instead of picking up the grocery order from Walmart, shopped by someone else___I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING!). Making the switch over to grocery delivery was seamless, until everyone else started doing it too. Now instead of next day or the day after, it's a 4-5 day wait. Still, you just have to plan it out and be a little organized. Publix still has same day or next day delivery...they're more expensive but they have a few things that I buy that no one else has, anywhere!

Any packages or mail gets quarantined for several days or wiped down with Clorox. All surfaces in the house are wiped down with bleach every 2-3 days. There are only me and my sister living in the house and no one else has come into the house in over a month. We wash our hands a lot anyway, so that's no different. Not much has changed.

CONCLUSION
I know lots of people are out there going bonkers. Too much togetherness with family. Too much being alone for others. I'm fine with being alone with myself, my thoughts, playing video games, writing, painting, crocheting...lots to occupy my mind.

Also I'm lucky to live with my sister, whom I get along with famously. She's my best friend. I'm lucky that her house is on an acre of land. We have 2 cats for mental comfort. 3 horses to occupy my sister when she gets stressed. There are many that are not so lucky. I wish I could help them all. Comfort them all. I do wish you all peace and good health. I pray for the end of this pandemic. A treatment. A cure. A vaccine. Better days are coming!

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

PREFACE
With spring comes renewal. Grass becomes green again, budding leaves and flowers everywhere, and change is in the air. My life is going through a big change and I don't have a clue how it will all turn out!

STORY
My landlord's house was sold at foreclosure auction on January 22nd. I have been getting letters all about it as the "unknown tenant" but with my name right next to that. So "unknown" but named...lol. Fannie Mae bought the house at auction, and is the agency that guaranteed the original "underwater" mortgage. Funny how things work.

It has been very traumatic to have to move again, and in with family again after 5 years of being on my own in a beautiful town and neighborhood. In central Florida, 2 hours from anywhere I would want to go (but didn't, except to visit family...where I'm moving back to!). I'm under a monumental amount of stress right now, and I broke down into uncontrollable crying today, just to slow me down some more.

I am asking myself what decisions did I make to get me here? Was I using good judgement when I signed up for a graduate level class in November and then continued to pursue that decision until I became $1000 in debt to family friend and 3 weeks away from the end of semester, still not knowing if I can pass this course or not. And when I do pass the class, it won't count for anything if I'm not accepted into the MFA program to complete my degree (of which I have 40/60 credits). It's all hanging in limbo, just like me.

Moving back in with my family entails the loss of freedom. No more walking around naked in the morning or sleeping that way at night. No friends allowed over. My cat isn't allowed anywhere there is carpet, so just my room and the enclosed porch. None of my furniture (my bed!) is allowed in except maybe my computer desk. And if I don't pass my class, I'll have to leave...move again!

I am grateful that I have somewhere to go, even if for only a month or two.

CONCLUSION
I must re-examine what I am manifesting if this is where I am right now. I don't want to be at this point, with these decisions and pressure, moving back to where I gladly left 5 years ago. I don't want to be "let go" from another college teaching job after 3 years because I don't have my MFA! I just wish I knew what to do, what to decide. I will meditate (which I have been doing more and more lately) and ask again, and again, and again, until I get a clear answer. My life seems to be nothing but change and renewal. Happy Spring!

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!?

PREFACE
This new year has given renewed hope to me in the form of "try something new." The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing something the same way and expecting different results. I cannot keep trolling the dating sites, reading endless profiles, and going on countless 'first meetings' without some positive results. I have realized that I must lighten up (in many ways) and get on with what I want.

STORY
I figure I have read approximately 30,000 profiles, on more than a dozen dating sites...and that doesn't count the ones that I glanced at and dismissed for one RED FLAG or another. The RED FLAGS are different for everybody but I'm sure there are some that are universal; not bothering to fill out more than basic information (or filling it with xxxxxxxxx's or other symbols), no picture (along with no info), one picture from 50 yards away or close-up of hat & sunglasses (member of Wit-Sec??).

My personal RED FLAGS are; golfer (don't need to be widowed again), hates cats, just wants the hook-up (casual sex), someone whose body language in their picture says volumes (no smile, crossed arms, bar scene with drink in hand...mostly depends on how drunk they look in the pic), holding up BIG fish (as your main profile pic?? come on...really?), all profile pics are of toys (Vet, Harley, speedy boat...etc...compensating for a little penis, ED, or mid-life crisis?), women in the pic with no explanation as to who they are, men who live farther than a two hour drive (they will never make the trip to meet and just want internet sex...more on that later), former contacts that have changed their ID (more than once) or have multiple profiles but I recognize their picture, long-winded profiles with massive misspellings/horrible grammar, and more for another time.

CONCLUSION
It continues to amaze me that men and women (or any couples) get together with so many variables to consider. I don't judge any relationship that works, however it is configured. We are all God's creatures and as long as no one gets hurt, what is the big deal?? We all are worthy of love and there is someone for everyone. FINDING that someone is the biggest challenge.

Spring is in the air. Recent rain in my area has made the grass green again, one of the first signs of spring in Florida. The next three weeks are the BEST of winter in Florida and then SPRING pops out all over the place. I can only hope that LOVE is poised and ready to do the same! Oh, did I mention that eHarmony is having FREE CONTACT for a MONTH!! I told you there are signs of spring.