Sunday, August 30, 2009


Put aside your opinion of infidelity for this one. I am having an affair with a married man. This is not the first time that I've been single and had a married lover. Discretion is the key here. I was married for 20 years to a man I loved and felt was my best friend. We had an understanding that if either of us were to cheat on the other, it better NOT be discovered! Neither of us were jealous having the confidence that we were strong in our relationship and had no need to go looking outside it (or at least would never let the other know we had). It takes much planning and primary consideration for your spouse, if you are going to have an affair. You cannot risk STDs, evidence that can be discovered, nor guilt about your actions. You must BE THERE for your spouse, if there is ANY need at all. If you violate any of these, you WILL be found out and someone will be hurt. But what if your spouse never finds out and you have your affair? Who is hurt by this?

We met online on a community oriented website. We emailed back and forth and IM'd once before actually meeting. It was understood that he was to come to my house and complete some repairs (for no compensation) and we would get an idea whether or not it would move to a more affectionate arrangement. He came over the first time and we talked about repairs needed, about each other's lives and where we were at the moment. I cooked him dinner. and we talked some more about our beliefs and ideas. We found much in common. And we kissed at the end of the evening before parting, and confirmed that we both were attracted to each other. He left with us both wanting more.

The next week he came and did several repairs around the house, which was glorious since I couldn't do them. Then we sat on the couch and necked for a while. I massaged his back as he had worked very hard and was sore. We kissed and touched and generally explored each other. Nothing more intimate than 'third base' but we had waited too long to really get into anything sexual before he had to go home to his wife and family. I thought it was going very well. We were taking it slow (almost too slow for me!) and he was very a very sweet and gentle lover with a lot of smoldering passion that was VERY exciting and stimulating.

Then for several weeks there was always something that came up to prevent him (WS) from coming to see me until last Saturday, 8/29/09, only four days after my blissful encounter with BT. "What!" you say..."you would have sex with another man four days after BT? the man you supposedly love?" Yes. BT and I are not exclusive. He does not include me in his day-to-day life in the DR. So why not?

Saturday, 8/29: WS is due to arrive around 2PM. I have been up all night and had just fallen asleep at 7AM.I text him to his phone and ask if he could postpone for an hour for me to get a little more sleep? He text me back "Would you like breakfast in bed?" I text "That would be lovely. The doors unlocked." (NOTE: I sleep naked. It saves time when I have hot flashes at night. I can just throw off the covers, cool down, then pull the covers back on and go back to sleep. My hot flashes last about 4-5 mins. but will wake me from a sound sleep. You learn to live with it.)

So WS arrives around 1PM with breakfast from a local diner (he was going to cook for me but decided that this would be better). Then he proceeded to feed me breakfast! I have never been pampered like this. The luxury of not having to cook breakfast or even feed myself. With affectionate kisses in between. (NOTE: I was nude with only bed covers in between me and him.) After I finished the eggs & cheese, with some whole wheat toast & several bites of ham (I don't usually eat bread or breakfast meats), I sipped my coffee and we talked casually.

I then asked him if he would massage my neck and shoulders, as I had suffered from a stiff neck for two days now. He was more than eager and has very good hands. This led to revealing more of my naked body as I lay on my stomach and he massaged away my tension. His hands on my bare skin, the soothing slickness of the lotion, and our heightened arousal...all led to us having our first sexual encounter. He was very sensual, generous, and showed great control of his orgasm. But once I turned my back to him, with his body spooned up against mine and we did it doggie style, he lost all control (can you blame him?).

He said he was so sorry that I hadn't cum. I said, "No worries. You can watch and help me orgasm." and he said he'd like that very much. So I brought out my new sex toy, the Relentless Rabbit, and we both enjoyed my orgasm. He said that he would have to work on giving me an orgasm and that I had to not limit myself with thoughts that "I can't have an orgasm except 'this way or that'...." I told him that I am always open to accepting stimulation as it happens during sex. (What I would like is to cum once for every time my partner cums. That would great!) We lay in bed most of the afternoon and into the evening. We talked about his wife being distant sexually to him, her clingy need to revolve around him, the loss of their 21 yo son a year ago in an auto accident and the losses I have suffered (husband, brother, mother & father). We both feel that you have to be thankful for each day and enjoy the joy that enters your life. We are sharing some joy, pleasure, human connection, happiness,...without any burden or expectations. Then he took a shower and left, kissing me goodbye before he left.

No matter your opinion of cheating, we all need human contact. We need to be desired, to have our thoughts and ideas listened to, to be encouraged that we matter...that our existence is important. Being confident in who you are, having self esteem, and projecting your dreams and desires into your reality...will bring you that which you desire. You can only hope that you give joy into the universe and try your hardest not to hurt anyone in the process. I am not here to prove or justify what is right or wrong...I give love unconditionally out into the universe and have received joy and comfort in return, without really expecting it. A regular sex life is a wonderful thing!

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