Monday, September 05, 2016


I guess it's not a real broken heart but it definitely hurt my feelings and changed the direction of my plans. Should you ever revisit a past relationship even if that relationship was short-lived? At this point I would say, "No."

We had met on some online dating site and then in real life. We hit it off well and I spent the night at his place which he shared with his roommate and his daughter. I liked him and he liked me. We were hot for each other too. I invited him to my house at the time, and we got busy right away. Then I didn't hear from him. I'm not the type to push, or nag, or text someone a million times. I seem to remember trying several times to contact him but then gave up.

I've had his email & picture in my Gmail account ever since then. JS contacted me on Facebook. I hadn't heard from him in 10 years. We went out to dinner and talked for 3 hours. We made out in the parking lot and it was hot. We texted every day and went to dinner the next week. We talked for almost 3 hours and made out in the parking lot. We continued to text every day. From the time we got up to the time we went to bed. Then we had lunch one day and we kissed and hugged at my car before parting ways. We had long, frank discussions about how we wanted to have sex but couldn't make that happen with our living arrangements. He made us reservations at a hotel suite but then had to cancel due to his not having the money. This went on for a month. Last week we were going on a road trip to central Florida for me to deliver a chair to a friend and get some stuff from my storage unit. I had to cancel because I didn't have enough money for the trip. We finally set the date for me to come over and spend the night if I wanted to. I texted him that I was going to be coming over later than we had planned. He texted that he had to cancel.

His first reason was a cold sore but there was another one too. I asked what. He said that his ex had texted him and started talking to him about getting back together. He hadn't really gotten over her and didn't want to hurt me by continuing forward with us. I was very, very hurt. I cried, and cried, and cried. I texted him that I would have to take some time to process this.

I texted my son about what happened. He said to tell him that "I'm not a fire extinguisher. I'm not there as a backup to anyone else and he either needs to choose me or not." And he said if he doesn't respect me enough for that, he hasn't earned my time. I am trying to live in the now. The now today was painful. It made me cry. It also made me contact two other men that had showed an interest in me last month. I hadn't cultivated the contacts due to JS. Now I am.

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