ONLINE DATING SCAM (PART 2)

 PREFACE

This unfolded like several other online dating contact scams. The men establish regular contact and language that advances intimacy. They reveal personal tragedies of losing a beloved wife, having to care for the motherless child (usually female), and traveling for business a lot. They have some kind of weird career. An engineer on oil rigs in the Black Sea. A geologist working in Iraq. And now a cyber security and military equipment exporter/supplier.

STORY

Chapter Two: Daily texts

He texted me in the morning to wake me up with sweet sentiments and encouragement. He texted me several times throughout the day ending up with a late night "good night, my queen" to segway into the next morning. They learn that constant contact keeps the "fish on the hook" and makes the connection be on a deeper level. "The better to reel you in, my dear." Klump professed his "love" for me WAY, WAY too soon. I kept him at "arms length" with vague feelings for him. I never said I loved him or even that I trusted him (in so many words) but gave him just enough to move forward.

Then came the "trip out of town" and he was heading to Mexico for a big deal that would make him enough money to retire. BTW, he listed himself as living in Miami. So flying to Mexico did not sound too suspicious. We kept in touch daily while he was in Mexico. I pushed a little bit on the "when are you coming home" question after he'd been there for two weeks. He said he'd be flying out within a few days.

Chapter three: THE BIG SCAM

He texted that he had finished his business but there was a problem with him getting paid. Then there was a problem with him getting out of the country. The Mexican police had confiscated his "check" and wouldn't let him leave unless he paid them (which all his money was in the "check"). They were arresting him and putting him in jail. Really?! And they let you keep your phone?! And why would a legit company cut you a check for 10s of thousands of dollars? Why not just transfer the money EFT? Why couldn't he cash the check and wire the money to himself? I had so many questions and he had excuses but not answers. Then the request that I send him money. I told him I could not do that. He said that he would be put in a Mexican jail (wasn't he already in one?!) and that his business manager couldn't do anything for him. That his bank couldn't do anything for him. Right.

So I texted him that I had an FBI neighbor/friend across the street that would make inquiries about his situation if he gave me the details. He said please don't involve the FBI. That's when he fessed up and said that his business transaction wasn't exactly legit. HE WAS SELLING GUNS AND AMUNITION IN MEXICO!! A gun runner! WOW. What a tale we weave.... I said that I couldn't do anything for him. That he needed to lose my information and not contact me anymore. He begged me to help him. I said no. I blocked his texts and had no more contact with him.

CONCLUSION

At least this time I didn't fall for ANY of his BS. The nagging inconsistency in the back of my mind persisted. "You've seen this before." I HAVE seen this before. I've seen it way too many times. I am an incurable optimist but this is leading to the cure!

The first time I was taken in by an online dating scammer, was about a year after my husband died and I had been online for about 6 months just trying to find companionship. I was missing male companionship. I "met" a guy online that strung me along for SIX weeks who worked on "an oil rig in the Black Sea." He sent me pictures of the rig! Pictures of the rig in a massive storm. He had a daughter in Miami that was living with his mother while he was out of the country working. He actually sent me a cashier's check because he couldn't get back without me buying him an airline ticket home! And I deposited it & waited for it to clear (totally bogus check that the BANK accepted & then it totally screwed up my bank account!).

It has been 18 years since then. I have had countless attempts since then to scam me through my heart. The scams have evolved but are recognizable if you know what to look for. Too many "red flags" to go into on this post but look for it in the future. Stay safe out there and if it seems to good to be true...it's not true!

ONLINE DATING 2021: THE LAST SCAM

PREFACE

I QUIT!

Okay. Here's the story of the last month. In "chapters" because it's a long story. It is a cautionary tale for single women everywhere. Pay Attention!

I have been using online dating services since 2003. Yes, the beginning of the whole thing. I was a new widow then. I had been out of the "dating" scene for 20 years. A lot changes in two decades, but not as much as those particular decades. 1982-2002 saw many leaps in technology, communications, internet access, social media, and innovative scam artists.

STORY

Chapter One: First Contact

We connected through Tinder. He was a widow. I was a widow. He was originally from South Africa. A white South African who immigrated to California in 2009, where he met his wife. She died 3 years later of cancer, leaving him with a two year old daughter. His daughter died of colon cancer in December 2020. He blames the doctors and their preoccupation with the pandemic for not giving her the "best" treatment and allowing her to die.

He is an independent contractor in cyber-security and military grade security equipment. His name. Klump Williams. He was going by William on the Tinder sight but once we moved over to texting on the phone, he revealed his true name and said I could call him either. I said I preferred his real name and called him Klump. We "met" on May 5th, 2021. He sent VERY long-winded texts, very unlike typical men. He made enough English grammar/spelling mistakes for it to be his second language. He sent pictures of his 2 dogs and 3 cats, relaxing with him on the couch. Also many more endearing poses supposedly sent in "real time." He was quite handsome.

He then started texting me several times a day, every day. He professed his "love" for me. And asked that I trust him, "why can't I trust him?", and saying I was the first woman he'd contacted. Klump hadn't dated in 9 years?! *suspicious*

CONCLUSION

This is what they do. They say all the right things. Agree to text to get to know you. Don't push an in-person meeting. Post appealing pictures that cater to info on your profile. I really thought this one might be a REAL person. A man I could like. A man I could become friends with and possibly more. But as the following chapters will reveal, that was not the case. Even in the first texts, on Tinder, I had that nagging inconsistency in the back of my mind. "You've seen this before." To be continued....

AND FALL IS UPON US

PREFACE
Good thoughts. Think of how you want your life to be and it will be. Thought becomes reality. I am really losing patience. Had a birthday, lost my job, may lose my home, car is in need of repair, haven't seen family all summer, NO dating prospects...

STORY
The weather is turning cooler, thank Mother Nature for that! It is a glorious time of year to be outside and to work in my gardens. I have three raised flower gardens in the front of the house and one veggie/herb garden in the back. The water from the well has quit twice now...very late this year for it to be short on water...hmmm. Got 23 plants on Friday from Lowe's, for $24! Such a deal!! Now I have to plant them before they wilt and die. I have been wanting some Cannas to plant and most of them are...some red flowers, some with variegated-striped leaves, some with dark coloring under the leaves...beautiful. And they were going to throw them away!!

I got notice that the house I am living in and have lived in for 4 years is going to be judged for a final foreclosure decision on Dec. 6, 2013. My backdoor neighbor said that even after that, it may be several months before any action against me takes place. I am expecting a miracle.

I haven't heard anything from the college about me teaching in the spring as yet. The schedule came out on November 1st and even if I'm not listed, they should know if they are going to bring me in to teach. I live for teaching, love it so much, and I don't know what to do when I'm not teaching. Teaching is what I am meant to do.

My health has suffered at my own hands. I have been idle for SIX months and my body is showing me that this has to be reversed or I am headed for trouble. My muscle tone is gone, my hip joints hurt...not to mention the increased pain in my knees and back, and I'm starting to look and feel my age. What a horror!! This is not how I want to be. I can change this. Exercise. I have lost 20lbs.

CONCLUSION
Get up, get moving, DO SOMETHING...build the life I want. Peace & Joy!

HAPPY MAY DAY!

PREFACE
The first day of May and no pole to dance around. Maybe I'll enroll in a pole dancing class! Anything to shake up this funk I've been in. Not really IN but skirting around the edges of...threatening to be sucked in at any moment, maintaining my distance by shear will and dedication to improving my life, one day at a time.

STORY
It seems that everyone I know is on the brink of a change in their lives. My friends are losing their houses/homes left and right. Poor decisions in the past causing the filing for SECOND bankruptcies, landlords selling income properties out from under tenants, jobs being eliminated, and many of us going back to school (the refuse of a bad economy) to re-train or upgrade for a better chance in the future. The economy can be blamed for some of it, but there's more to it. The attitude of the general population is more to blame. I have refused to watch the broadcast news for many years now, for the very reason that it is depressing, stressful, not necessary for me to be informed of what's generally going on in the world.

I choose to move forward in improving my life. I meditate twice a day, after I awake in the morning and before I go to sleep at night. I am excited about several projects in the works and about what changes are coming in the next six weeks in my life. I have been working on manifesting a more stable living environment and a steady income. I have confidence that all things will work out in my favor. Many people in my position would be at their wits end or at least worried. Worry never changes the outcome of anything, so I refuse to worry.

As it stands right now; I'm not working, my car is on it's last legs, I have to move out of my home in the next six weeks, and I have approximately $60 in the bank. Sounds bleak, but I have about $4000 coming in the next week or so. I am launching a new website for a service I'll be offering to organize and liquidate estates. I will be advertising my tutoring services and I have a connection for occasional freelance jobs. Plus, if I'm offered summer classes to teach, it will give me the stability I need from which to launch an even bigger enterprise, which I've been dreaming and planning for 20 years. Everything keeps falling into place and my life gets better and better.

CONCLUSION
I would like to see what it's like when your life exceeds your dreams. I can't wait to come up with more dreams! I offer my help when I can and look for ways to be of service to others, to use my gifts and talents. That is the only way that life improves.

CLEAR THE CLUTTER!

PREFACE
As the last spring full moon ushers in Summer, my thoughts turn to cleaning. It is not officially summer until June, but my spring cleaning is not yet done. This is both literal and figurative. I have been clearing out clutter in my life and in the space in which I live. Clutter can slow your thinking, your progress forward, and the beneficial chi that flows through your home. This was inspired by one of my daily emails from a Feng Shui site, which I believe has enhanced my life.

STORY
Clutter has several catagories but for the sake of brevity we'll divide clutter into four; Emotional, Mental, Physical, and Spiritual. I will address each from two perspectives; Figurative (F) and Literal (L).

Emotional Clutter:
(F) Choose three (3) things that you no longer need, use, or love and give them to someone who will do all of those things. You will clear out some stuck energies.
(L) Review your relationships and be honest with your emotional health. If there is (are) any that are more of a drain than benefit, think seriously of distancing yourself. Choose to be around those that cause you joy.

Mental Clutter:
(F) Things that are untidy or disorganized scramble the brain. Organize one drawer today.
(L) Thoughts that are destructive or counter-productive that invade your good spirits are mental clutter. Negative thoughts, instead of positive thoughts, stated over and over become reality. The only way to break the cycle is to believe that what we think, we are. Practice three positive thoughts a day, when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Think about what you want to change and then believe that it is changed. Have confidence in your ability to be in control of your life.

Physical Clutter:
(F) Get rid of one thing causing physical clutter that may also cause reciprocal restrictions in your body. Opening up your living space can give you 'breathing' room.
(L) Make a plan to improve one thing about your physical health in the next month, be it increasing exercise by 15 minutes a day or an hour a week or replacing something in your diet with fresh, organic instead. Take a walk around the block, ride your bike, or go for a swim. Being out in the sun for 15 minutes per day can lift your spirits and improve your health. Eating one meal every other day that is prepared from scratch and fresh ingredients. Do one thing to improve each month.

Spiritual Clutter:
(F) This is unfinished business. Return one email, text, or voicemail today that has been on your 'to do' list in order to plug the energetic drain on your spirit. Write that report, finish that project, fight procrastination today and nourish your sense of accomplishment.
(L) Meditate, listen to an alpha recording, connect with your faith, be still and reflect on your plans. However you clear your soul and experience the oneness of you, take the time to pay attention and realign yourself. Don't let the details of day-to-day living crowd in and overwhelm you. Take time for you.

CONCLUSION
Yes it is very easy to say. Advise is given and it's up to us to use it or continue to be frustrated, disconnected, unhappy, and living a life of quiet desperation. It is up to each individual how your life goes, how your reality unfolds. You can take control or just react to what happens to you. Everyone has the ability to live the life they've always dreamed about, and to be giving and joyful. Clutter is a place to start...after that, there are no limits to the possibilities. Peace & Joy!

STARTS AND STOPS

PREFACE
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned....it has been two months since my last confession...hahaha. March 4th, I started teaching as an adjunct at the local college and the last class is Thursday. I started selling on Ebay to supplement having my unemployment benefits run out in Feb. I started back at Capella two weeks ago, to repeat my first class that I failed to makeup in the winter term. I started thinking that my dream of operating an Artist's Bed & Breakfast Retreat could finally happen and even found a perfect beachfront house. I stopped my regular trips to Ft. Lauderdale (280 miles roundtrip). I stopped hoping to have regular sex with BB.

STORY
I have had little time to gather my thoughts and get back to any kind of a routine. The teaching job came along after three different applications for jobs at the college; but this one was for something that I had proven experience in and they had a great need. When they called me in initially, I would be starting in June (summer term) because it was so close to the spring semester that I wouldn't have time to prepare. But as it turned out, SURPRISE! I wasn't prepared for the shorter term, the longer class time, nor the general expectations of the course. I had taught it before, but not under these conditions. All in all, I think I did a great job! I am sad to see the semester come to an end, but I'm very encouraged that this will lead to more classes.

The part time teaching job came just in time as my year-long collecting of UE benefits came to an end in mid-February. I applied for food stamps immediately and was approved starting mid-March. As it turned out, I didn't get them until mid-April due to them assuming that I still had my EBT card from FOUR years ago (when I collected for exactly ONE month! and have moved three times since!). Glad I had my tax refund to tide me over or I would have starved for sure. Now they are holding up April's benefit for some unknown reason that will take me days and days to find out. For as much as people complain about public assistance going to those who abuse it...there is so much they don't know about how much you have to go through for a lousy $50/week allotment for food only (no paper products, no toiletries, no prepared ready-to-eat foods, no vitamins or supplements, and many other restrictions). I am very grateful for it.

I started selling again on Ebay. I was shut down in 2008 due to the economy tanking and sales being $0 for three months. My sales couldn't pay my fees, so they shut me down. I have been selling my belongings...anything that will bring in $5 or $10, jewelry, crystal, china, collectibles...all those things you accumulate over the years, things you (think you) cherish until it comes down to being hungry and homeless. These are the times we live in. I have a Bachelor's degree in Graphic Design, four years of college teaching experience, seven years of clerical/administrative experience, and I can't get a job (but I can sell some stuff on Ebay!).

I started again to complete the first course in my Master's online. I have 12 transfer credits from the 68 Master level credits I have earned pursuing two Master's degrees simultaneously last decade (1998-2004). This begins the third week and I'm on target.

I have met a wonderful woman through BB who is experienced in writing grants and setting up non-profit organizations. She has given me lots of information and procedural steps to think about and start the process rolling on my Artist's Retreat. It would benefit the artists who come to learn and create, it would help the local community with attention on culture and increased tourist trade, it would benefit me to be able to teach, it would benefit the economy through airfares, field trips to local sites...there would be many benefits. So much to do!

My 18 yo car is now on borrowed time. My mechanic says, "shoot it and put it out of it's misery." It has been good to me for 18 months and 13,000 miles and for a $700 car, that is phenomenal. So to make sure that it will take me to work and back, I had to stop my long distance trips to Ft. Lauderdale to see my sister and my son (although, my son lived with me for two months in the time that I haven't posted!).

And finally, I came out and asked BB if he wanted to move to the next level in our friendship...that level being Friends With Benefits. He said he wasn't ready for that, he wasn't in a good place to complicate his life with another lover (he already has two, one I didn't know about before I asked). I said that was fine. Our friendship is more important to me than my sexual attraction to him. I've been in this situation before, but at least this time I'm not living in the same house. BB gets me. He thinks the same way as I do, we finish each others' thoughts. We enjoy each others company. If our relationship is meant to be more, it will be, and if not, I'm fine with it the way it is.

CONCLUSION
Starts and stops...beginnings and endings...and sometimes not enough time in the middle to document everything. We start things that we never finish. We start things that go on forever and have no real ending. We finish things with a great feeling of accomplishment. We end things feeling that we failed. Starts and stops. We are born and we die. What happens in between?

Make the most of it!