WELCOME 2011!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

PREFACE
A new day, a new year, and a new decade! 1/1/11...there MUST be something significant about THAT! Skeptics will say that any day can be a new start if you decide it to be. But come on! 1-1-11!?


STORY
For me it is a new start because I decide it is. I start teaching on Wednesday and I'm teaching FIVE classes. I'm so excited and I'll be making enough money to relax a little about my finances. It has been a long struggle back from a year of unemployment. And I am very happy to be a 'professor' again, teaching undergrads. I truly LOVE teaching (anything, to anybody) but I get a great feeling of accomplishment teaching at this level. The place, people, and students are wonderful!


CONCLUSION
No matter what your circumstances, there is always room for improvement. First there was the thought, then the manifestation. The WORD, and then the LIGHT! I am grateful for all I am, all I have, and everyone I know and love. I welcome 2011 and all the possibilities!

UP AND RUNNING AGAIN...

PREFACE
Finally got paid! Ordered the power supply for Ye Ole Mac (bought c. 1999), all my supplements that I was out of, required book for online grad course, replacement batteries for PowerBook (Mac G4), and paid ALL my bills. YAY!

STORY
When the power supply burned out (with a loud POP!) last month, I was forced to buy a laptop to re-write my term paper just in time for the end of last semester. Luckily, I know a guy. A guy that turns out to be one of the GOOD guys! He sold me a G4 laptop (about 4 years old which in Mac years is brand new!) for $400. A bargain (but not an expense which I was prepared for) and I was thrilled to have it.

I lost all my work on my term paper but my professor allowed for the situation and gave me three days past deadline to turn it in, which I did. I passed the class but didn't earn a high enough grade to avoid having to appeal an "academic progress" hold on my financial aid. I won my appeal. I'm at the beginning of my fourth week of this semester.

Working as an adjunct professor, I only get paid at the end of the semester which means I work for 6-8 weeks with NO PAY. It requires some fancy financial juggling for someone who has been unemployed for over a year...to say the least. The unexpected need for a laptop put me behind the proverbial eightball financially. I ran out of almost half of my supplements for the last week and was about to buy groceries for my neighbor on my food stamp card in exchange for cash to buy gas to get to work, when my retro pay from unemployment came through. Then my paycheck was deposited, and I'm flush again.

CONCLUSION
I am so grateful that I have found peace with it all. I meditate and leave the worrying to God (or whatever higher power of your choice). Worry doesn't change anything. If you worry every minute of every waking day, it doesn't change the outcome of what you are worrying about. If you didn't worry at all, the same thing is going to happen. So why worry? It's a diamond-hard habit to break, but it is possible. You just let go.

My life is wonderful. It is going in the direction I want it to go. Things ARE working out the best for me. I deserve to be happy, to be healthy, to have abundance and to prosper, and that is what is happening. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. Peace & Joy!

AND POP! GOES THE POWER SUPPLY!

PREFACE
Waiting until the last minute to finalize my term paper resulted in the inevitable...the power supply on my computer popped, fizzled, and died before I could save, print, or review the final rough draft. I have only myself to blame.

STORY
It was the last week of my current semester and my term paper was due on Friday, June 18th (by midnight Central Time). I had been working on it feverishly since Wednesday to get all the references re-read and placed appropriately. Added the Title page, the Abstract, the Bibliography, and had expanded the three pages I had from the Outline...to ten pages with citations/quotes. I was all ready to print out the rough draft to read it over and make any corrections or notes and then it happened...!! a loud POP! and the computer shut off...the faint smell of "electric fire" and I quickly pulled the CPU out from the wall and disconnected all the plugs from the back. Oh Shit!!

No! NO! NO!!...not now! Oh, shit...I hadn't saved any changes to my USB drive (flash drive...thumb drive...jump drive...whatever slang name you call it)...I hadn't backed up my term paper since it was an outline. Three days work...gone. No computer. No laptop either. 2AM in the morning...already an hour late in submitting the work. What to do?

Saturday, there was an open lab in my classroom (where I teach, 30 miles away) from 10AM-5PM. So I got some sleep and arrived at 3:30PM to email my professor what happened and beg for an extension. Then I got busy re-writing my term paper. I stayed on campus, in my classroom/lab until after midnight, Sunday AM. Drove home, stopping at the IHOP halfway to have SOMETHING to eat...I was starving after 9 hours in the computer lab. I got home at 3AM Sunday morning and slept until noon. I called a guy I found on Craigslist who deals in used laptops and made a deal for a Powerbook for $400...drove back to Port St. Lucie (35 miles) and picked it up Sunday evening. Now for the long process of setting up a new computer.

CONCLUSION
Things do work out as long as you don't freak out too much. I relaxed and went with the flow. My professor allowed me until the end of day on Monday to submit the paper. I spent most of Sunday night/Monday morning re-reading and re-writing until I finally got the paper put back together and submitted early Tuesday morning (approx. 2 AM). It wasn't as good as the first paper I wrote but it would have to do.

Tuesday was my "final exam" for the class I was teaching. I brought food & drinks for my students and we reviewed the final projects and printed some...until I realized one of the inks was out and then the paper ran out(!). Oh, well...some students could come back and reprint or I would send them their print if they wanted. Summer terms are not as accessible as other terms. Everybody enjoyed themselves. I had students that stuck around for an hour after the class was over. Most would have been gone the first hour in any other class. That's what I love about teaching art...so much more fun...friendlier...more relaxed, less academic pressure. I love it!

COLLEGE BLOG POST

PREFACE

It seems I continue to struggle with my online college coursework. After illness and a back injury caused me to take an incomplete the first time, I'm retaking the course again this semester. (Oh, and I'm still not use to the shorter terms...10 weeks instead of 16! Not enough time to get it all done that's for sure.) I'm working today to complete a 'rough draft' of the term paper for this class and will probably be up all night until the sun comes up, to put it all together. Even with that, it will be 4-5 days late and I'll be penalized 20-25% on the grade.

STORY

I saw there was a blog on the page that students access when they log in. Capella calls it The Guide but it's really a clearinghouse or jumping off point for you, as a student. You can access lots of different areas of the website, just like a campus would have a Student Union Hall with guidance to services on campus. One of the blogs was called "The other 85%" so I clicked on it to investigate. It addresses the majority of the new student body of colleges and universities across America. A voice for the older new or returning post-secondary student. I think the only way the attitude of the decision-makers will change towards what is defined as "the college student" is when that administration retires and is replaced by the contemporaries of those same students. The Baby Boomers (as we are called) or younger (our adult children...horrors!...lol).

The following was what I posted to the "The Other 85%" blog. Whether it will be published is something I'll have to wait and see, but here it is for all to read:

It is so true that the ‘college kid’ is now older, wiser, more time-constrained, and has more obligations than in the 1950s. Back then you could assume that the majority of college kids were fresh out of high school and still getting support from their parents. I was not one of them.

Born in 1956, to parents that divorced in 1964. Too many kids (3), too much struggling to make ends meet, and single parenthood, made it impossible for me and my siblings to go to college. When I was 19, I checked into financial aid (1975) and there was virtually none to be had, so I married and took a clerical job. I have been divorced, married again, had and raised a child, and buried a husband. At the peak of our life together, both working 40+ hours, we earned $55K in one year ($40K or under the rest of the 20 years).

In 1993, I went to college for the first time due to the last recession. Happily married, raising a son, I earned an associate’s then a bachelor’s in 5 years, working part time, living on scholarships/grants and $18K/yr trust fund (income of my invalid husband). I started a master’s degree in ‘98 and a second master’s in 2000! Now borrowing to earn the two degrees and I came up against the 150% time constraint! The administration couldn’t acknowledge that I was working on two degrees, nor any of my other circumstances. Then my husband of 20 years died.

I am only now starting back after 6 years to earn a master’s so I can be hired as a permanent professor instead of an adjunct. And I am almost starting at square one. Capella made it possible, transferred in 12/28 credits, but I have 36 more to earn, compared to the 8 credits I was short for my degree here. The first course seems to be more tailored to the instructors than the learners, more to learning ‘lock-step’ than learner outcome. I know I’ll get through and succeed as I always have, but it would be nice if the ‘powers that be’ had a little more sympathy and empathy for the ‘new college kids’ on the block. Thanks for letting me comment.

CONCLUSION

Is there still room on campus for dissent? Can an adult, older student speak out against the establishment? Or has protesting lost it's impetus and in need of Viagra? LOL I don't think my comments would be considered too controversial but it will be interesting to see if it's published and if I get any feedback from it. And now I'm off to do my homework! Peace & Joy.

HAPPY MAY DAY!

PREFACE
The first day of May and no pole to dance around. Maybe I'll enroll in a pole dancing class! Anything to shake up this funk I've been in. Not really IN but skirting around the edges of...threatening to be sucked in at any moment, maintaining my distance by shear will and dedication to improving my life, one day at a time.

STORY
It seems that everyone I know is on the brink of a change in their lives. My friends are losing their houses/homes left and right. Poor decisions in the past causing the filing for SECOND bankruptcies, landlords selling income properties out from under tenants, jobs being eliminated, and many of us going back to school (the refuse of a bad economy) to re-train or upgrade for a better chance in the future. The economy can be blamed for some of it, but there's more to it. The attitude of the general population is more to blame. I have refused to watch the broadcast news for many years now, for the very reason that it is depressing, stressful, not necessary for me to be informed of what's generally going on in the world.

I choose to move forward in improving my life. I meditate twice a day, after I awake in the morning and before I go to sleep at night. I am excited about several projects in the works and about what changes are coming in the next six weeks in my life. I have been working on manifesting a more stable living environment and a steady income. I have confidence that all things will work out in my favor. Many people in my position would be at their wits end or at least worried. Worry never changes the outcome of anything, so I refuse to worry.

As it stands right now; I'm not working, my car is on it's last legs, I have to move out of my home in the next six weeks, and I have approximately $60 in the bank. Sounds bleak, but I have about $4000 coming in the next week or so. I am launching a new website for a service I'll be offering to organize and liquidate estates. I will be advertising my tutoring services and I have a connection for occasional freelance jobs. Plus, if I'm offered summer classes to teach, it will give me the stability I need from which to launch an even bigger enterprise, which I've been dreaming and planning for 20 years. Everything keeps falling into place and my life gets better and better.

CONCLUSION
I would like to see what it's like when your life exceeds your dreams. I can't wait to come up with more dreams! I offer my help when I can and look for ways to be of service to others, to use my gifts and talents. That is the only way that life improves.

STARTS AND STOPS

PREFACE
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned....it has been two months since my last confession...hahaha. March 4th, I started teaching as an adjunct at the local college and the last class is Thursday. I started selling on Ebay to supplement having my unemployment benefits run out in Feb. I started back at Capella two weeks ago, to repeat my first class that I failed to makeup in the winter term. I started thinking that my dream of operating an Artist's Bed & Breakfast Retreat could finally happen and even found a perfect beachfront house. I stopped my regular trips to Ft. Lauderdale (280 miles roundtrip). I stopped hoping to have regular sex with BB.

STORY
I have had little time to gather my thoughts and get back to any kind of a routine. The teaching job came along after three different applications for jobs at the college; but this one was for something that I had proven experience in and they had a great need. When they called me in initially, I would be starting in June (summer term) because it was so close to the spring semester that I wouldn't have time to prepare. But as it turned out, SURPRISE! I wasn't prepared for the shorter term, the longer class time, nor the general expectations of the course. I had taught it before, but not under these conditions. All in all, I think I did a great job! I am sad to see the semester come to an end, but I'm very encouraged that this will lead to more classes.

The part time teaching job came just in time as my year-long collecting of UE benefits came to an end in mid-February. I applied for food stamps immediately and was approved starting mid-March. As it turned out, I didn't get them until mid-April due to them assuming that I still had my EBT card from FOUR years ago (when I collected for exactly ONE month! and have moved three times since!). Glad I had my tax refund to tide me over or I would have starved for sure. Now they are holding up April's benefit for some unknown reason that will take me days and days to find out. For as much as people complain about public assistance going to those who abuse it...there is so much they don't know about how much you have to go through for a lousy $50/week allotment for food only (no paper products, no toiletries, no prepared ready-to-eat foods, no vitamins or supplements, and many other restrictions). I am very grateful for it.

I started selling again on Ebay. I was shut down in 2008 due to the economy tanking and sales being $0 for three months. My sales couldn't pay my fees, so they shut me down. I have been selling my belongings...anything that will bring in $5 or $10, jewelry, crystal, china, collectibles...all those things you accumulate over the years, things you (think you) cherish until it comes down to being hungry and homeless. These are the times we live in. I have a Bachelor's degree in Graphic Design, four years of college teaching experience, seven years of clerical/administrative experience, and I can't get a job (but I can sell some stuff on Ebay!).

I started again to complete the first course in my Master's online. I have 12 transfer credits from the 68 Master level credits I have earned pursuing two Master's degrees simultaneously last decade (1998-2004). This begins the third week and I'm on target.

I have met a wonderful woman through BB who is experienced in writing grants and setting up non-profit organizations. She has given me lots of information and procedural steps to think about and start the process rolling on my Artist's Retreat. It would benefit the artists who come to learn and create, it would help the local community with attention on culture and increased tourist trade, it would benefit me to be able to teach, it would benefit the economy through airfares, field trips to local sites...there would be many benefits. So much to do!

My 18 yo car is now on borrowed time. My mechanic says, "shoot it and put it out of it's misery." It has been good to me for 18 months and 13,000 miles and for a $700 car, that is phenomenal. So to make sure that it will take me to work and back, I had to stop my long distance trips to Ft. Lauderdale to see my sister and my son (although, my son lived with me for two months in the time that I haven't posted!).

And finally, I came out and asked BB if he wanted to move to the next level in our friendship...that level being Friends With Benefits. He said he wasn't ready for that, he wasn't in a good place to complicate his life with another lover (he already has two, one I didn't know about before I asked). I said that was fine. Our friendship is more important to me than my sexual attraction to him. I've been in this situation before, but at least this time I'm not living in the same house. BB gets me. He thinks the same way as I do, we finish each others' thoughts. We enjoy each others company. If our relationship is meant to be more, it will be, and if not, I'm fine with it the way it is.

CONCLUSION
Starts and stops...beginnings and endings...and sometimes not enough time in the middle to document everything. We start things that we never finish. We start things that go on forever and have no real ending. We finish things with a great feeling of accomplishment. We end things feeling that we failed. Starts and stops. We are born and we die. What happens in between?

Make the most of it!

DAY 39: THE DARK PLACE

PREFACE
It is 5:30AM and I'm still awake. My weight loss goal is on hold. The makeup work for my Incomplete grade is on hold and due in 4 weeks. I have letters to request from former supervising professors. I'm at the end of my unemployment year and awaiting word on my new claim year. Then there's income tax to file and my credit to clean up and a credit score to rescue from the dungeon. 'Tis a dark time & a dark place.

STORY
As you suspect, my sleeping patterns have not returned to any resemblance to normal. I'm still staying up til dawn sometimes and sleeping until early afternoon. I'm lucky to get two good meals out of the day and no exercise. The colder days of February has slowed my "lizard-like" metabolism down to a crawl. Motivation to venture out is almost non-existent.

I'm late-night snacking and not following my life diet very well these days. Ian brought packaged food into the house that had thawed from the transportation lag-time and non-cooler storage of the move from Ft. Lauderdale to Sebastian, FL. He's been back down there three or four times in the past week (having trouble adjusting and letting go...which is understandable, since I went through it too when I first moved up here). This IS the farthest he's ever lived away from his known universe. But this has introduced thawed breaded fish sticks & Swedish meatballs, and ThinMints, and many boxes of cereal into my food storage areas. Things that had to be eaten before they spoiled and I was the only one HOME to eat them.

The bright glow of hope in all this is that I have a part time job starting soon with the local college...teaching graphic design!! I am so thrilled! I have to get the rest of the paperwork in to the HR dept., but it's a done deal. I'll be teaching in Ft. Pierce (30 miles away) and maybe in Vero Beach (14 miles away). I am so happy to back to teaching undergrads and back in academia. I've missed it beyond description.

Tied in with the new teaching job is my pursuit of my Master's degree. I have 4 weeks to makeup the work for a passing grade in my first online class; so I can continue with my second class in April and receive my active loan disbursement & loan deferments.

Timing is everything! This job will come at a time when my UE benefits have run out. The ed loan will come when I need a laptop for work and to pay any minimal income tax owed. My credit score will be improved enough to qualify me to buy this house under a magical first-time buyer program. The weight will start to come off and I will get into the best physical shape of my life.

CONCLUSION
Everything will come together, money will be available to pay everything, and this will be the dawning of a wonderfully enlightened time in my life. Stay tuned...

DAY 19: NEW INSPIRATION

PREFACE
Since Monday, I have made adjustments to the coming change in my life. My son is moving in with me due to his crisis in credit and not being able to rent a place of his own. This has caused him to give notice on a IT job that paid VERY well but was in South Beach in Miami. If he moved in with me, he would have a 3 hour commute to Miami...and NO amount of money is worth that. So this new development in my life has caused me to re-evaluate my daily routine and my goals. It has inspired me to pull myself together and do some things that I have put off, now crucial for the incoming additions to my household. I am THRILLED to have him moving in. I have missed him so much.

STORY
(Short version) Ian is 24 and just got his divorce on January 15th. It was a long time coming and a very stressful, messy affair to extricate himself from, which has dragged on for four years. They were too young to marry but my son felt it was the honorable thing to do after she became pregnant. I have a five year old granddaughter for which he shares custody with her maternal great-grandmother.

He and his soon-to-be wife moved out of my house in 2005. I have missed him terribly since then, only seeing him occasionally because I'm not the nagging, guilt-dispensing typical "mother" that you see so often in the entertainment media. So I am very happy to be able to reconnect with my son and help him in his time of need. He will also be able to help me.

He has already inspired me to rededicate my efforts to my goals; weight loss, exercise, and continuing education. He's going back to college to earn his degree. It is an outside catalyst that I can wrap my mind around and give myself a push. I love him so much. I want to be around when HE becomes a grandfather! To my health!

CONCLUSION
Young couples and parents don't realize when they make a baby that that child is your child for life. They never leave your life. They may go out on their own, but they come back...they always come back, for good or bad...they are of your body, your blood, your soul. They have their own problems and have to find their own solutions. You can be there to help, if asked. We can learn as much from them as we can teach them, maybe more.

And they can be there, to show you that there is always hope. Hope for better days, better health, a better life. I am so thankful to have him. He is my family.

ACADEMIC PROGRESS

PREFACE
For those who don't know, when you start a new semester in college you go through stages. First the gathering of supplies...books mostly, then the adjusting your time to meet the required instruction, study time, assignment submissions, and feedback from the instructor. You learn what's expected from him/her and what the rules are. Online courses are no different but you have the added element of technology.

STORY
It takes me about two weeks to adjust at the beginning and this has always been okay, for courses that last 16 weeks. I am now on a 10 week course schedule and haven't made THAT adjustment. A week into this new experience, I failed to get my books on time by one day (called on Friday to order them and was told my financial aid voucher had to be used by the PREVIOUS day). OK...no problem...I'll get my loan check in time to order my books and have them by the fourth week of classes (not remembering that I only HAVE ten weeks!). Then around the 10th or 11th day, I strained a muscle in my back and couldn't sit up in a chair or in bed! I could lie down or stand up...that's it! It made it almost impossible to do my classwork, so I fell behind. My instructor was understanding since she also suffers from back problems. Two weeks later and as much behind in my work, I finally started getting some of my required books. Except ONE I needed for week 3 and week 5 reading, which the professor didn't post. So I continue to struggle with catching up.

CONCLUSION
The obligation and commitment of earning a degree is still a scheduled thing even if it is not in a physical classroom on a campus. Discipline and organization are the keys to success in academic pursuits. And it also helps to like what you are studying (the good stuff and the boring). It is all in your attitude. You decide if it is worth it or not.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL...ONLINE

PREFACE
Today I start my graduate program online. I found an accredited university that offered a near-perfect program and worked with me to resolve my academic 'issues' so that I could enroll and continue my pursuit of a Master's degree.

STORY
Back at the turn of the century (lol, love saying that) I was working on two Master's degrees at the same time, which had nothing to do with one another and none of the credits crossed over and counted in the other program. I started one in Educational Technology in 1998 and got into the second one in Fine Arts (terminal degree like a PhD) in 2000. That's when I started teaching a class as a requirement (as a Graduate Teaching Assistant or GTA). As long as you are at least half-time, you can put off payback forever (theoretically). The plan was to stay in school to avoid paying my education loans...no, not really. The plan was to get my Master's in Graphic Design and teach at the college level. The MEd was to bridge the gap between my Bachelor's in Fine Arts and being able to get into the Master's in Fine Arts. (They make you wait 2 years!)

In October of 2002, my husband died and I couldn't bring myself to graduate that semester with my first Master's in Education, as I'm sure you can understand. My studies faltered, I was a wreck and in my efforts to put one foot in front of the other, I continued to take classes, teach my GTA class and start a new job at a local university on the provision that I completed one of my degrees. Three years later and a constant head-butting with the new dean, I was fired for not having my degree.

That was 2006 and I have been unemployed and employed for three years; as a graphic designer, unemployed, as a waitress and substitute teacher, and again unemployed since January 2009. I found the online university and enrolled in the Master's in Instructional Design for Online Learners (IDOL...lol, ohhhh, the irony!). It's perfect! I can teach again, from ANYWHERE! It allows the freedom from scheduled times in physical classrooms and fits well with my night owl tendencies. I can log in to the courseroom, read comments, post comments, or submit a paper at 3AM. How cool is that?

CONCLUSION
It is my sincere wish to teach art online. It is a bold undertaking in the face of many nay-sayers but that does not deter me. So now I am starting on my way towards my goal and it's so exciting. Once I have the degree, I can apply to colleges expanding their online courses, which is a big trend in this economy with everyone going back to school to beef up their skills or change careers. And it saves the institutions from building new structures to house the demand. It is the future.