I GIVE UP DATING!

 PREFACE

I give up dating! I give up all my online dating activity. Tinder. Geek2Geek, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, SugarDaddy (LOL!), and all the others that I tried and didn't try. I got four good male friends but no long lasting romantic relationship from 18 years of trying.

STORY

After reading more than 100,000 dating profiles (not exaggerating) and dating less than 3 dozen guys, either I'm way too picky or there just isn't anyone out there for me. In the beginning, there was YahooPersonals! It was early online dating and I was missing my late husband for a list of reasons, most urgent, companionship. I had not been separated from my husband for more than 6 days total in 20 years! Those 6 days was when I took my child to look at a college in upper MA in March during spring break. Before that, the record had been 2 days when George went to SXSW convention. We were inseparable and did very well with so much contact. I even worked for him as his Adm. Asst. when he was DM for United Artists (South Florida). I was strong where he was weak, he was strong where I was weak. We liked that same things and enjoyed each other's humor. Perfect Match!

CONCLUSION

There is NO ONE out there that can come close to the match we had. I've tried. I tried looking for someone just like him. No. Compromise on a few of the likes and dislikes. No. Look for an opposite. No. No. No. I can pretty much tell the scammers from the legit profiles, even though there are so few legit ones. I can tell the shallow, narcissistic ones from the real, human beings. 

I'm done. You would think that I could have found one or two that I could settle for, but NO. No one. Nada. I haven't had sex (with anyone else in the room) for 8 YEARS! My sex toys are wearing out. Time to restock!

SATURDAY AFTERNOON DELIGHT

PREFACE
Still not done with my rough draft for my term paper. Running out of time...to be on time. What better way to celebrate than to take the afternoon off and have sex?

STORY
I sent a text message to my married lover on Saturday morning to ask if I was going to see him. He answered "yes & it wud be nice 2 catch u comng out of d shwr" and I said that depended on how he timed his arrival. To prepare for an afternoon of sex, I mowed the front lawn. Weird, you say? Not when you consider that it was a week past due and it rained every day. (June in south Florida!) If you didn't time it right, you could be caught in a downpour; mow at a daily temperature that competes with the surface temperature of the sun; or try to mow when the grass is too high or too wet, thus having to stop every 15 minutes to wash down the blades. Last weekend's mowing was delayed by my visit from BT. I had to catch up.

I timed it just right...finishing the front lawn while the clouds were gathering and cooled the temperature some...stepped into the shower, washed, shampooed, and shaved some stubble while the conditioner softened my hair. I thought I saw some movement in the living room (without glasses I can only see clearly about 3 inches in front of my eyes)...and into the bathroom he walks in all his naked glory. WS has a very sexy body...thin, but not skinny, and muscular...with a dark, Latino color, even where he is NOT tanned from working outside.

I invited him into the shower with me and we washed each other, kissed, and then got busy. I think the shower is one of THE most sensual places to have sex, and the fact that WS is just the height that we can do it standing up is the sexiest! Pure joy! We moved into the cool, dark bedroom and continued for some time, taking turns, bringing our pleasure to the peak then slowing down, changing position. Just as I was getting to the edge (which doesn't happen often in the natural scheme of things), I thought of introducing my 'finger vibrator' to the action to help me along. It actually intensified things for him too much...but he helped me along after and we both had mutually satisfying sex. We spooned and fell asleep for 20 minutes or so...a cat nap, then we dressed and hung out...talking, looking up stuff on the computer. I enjoy talking to him about spirituality, science, dreams, and goals...and everything. His phone rang and he had to go, promising to see me a few days (mmmm, goody!).

CONCLUSION
I have been meditating twice a day for a while now. One area I've needed improvement in is my love/sex life. The manifesting is paying off with a visit from BT (a love in my life) and now WS (the fairly regular sex in my life) and a very satisfying and joyfully tiring afternoon. Namaste!

TOO MUCH STIMULATION

PREFACE
Be careful when starting up a new sexual relationship! Whether it be with the opposite sex or a new sex toy. When we were young and just beginning to explore sex, there's a condition called "The Ditney (sp)" which was defined as "over f**ked and underfed"...or at least in my time. It happened when you got with a new partner and screwed like rabbits. Every which way, every moment available. Sometimes you went for days, just sex...naps...food...more sex, and repeat. (LOL) Well, apparently this can happen when breaking in a new sex toy too (and having more sex with a partner than you're use to). The condition is soreness when urinating, sometimes burning, sometimes pain, due to the overabundance of rubbing in the area of the urinary tract.

STORY
I had a reaction on Tuesday night to all the sex and sex toy play I'd had last week! It was not pleasant but it was short-lived, thank goodness. In the most delicate way I can put it, I had the urge to pee all the time! After 7 hours of it, it became quite painful. Thankfully, after taking some Motrin and drinking lots of water, it did subside. Add to the 'too much stimulation' that I had also been working outside in the heat, losing buckets of sweat and not paying attention to how much water I drank (this was for the two days prior to Tuesday night). So a combination of dehydration and over-stimulation with the Relentless Rabbit caused this urgency to manifest. It had been so long since I had experienced anything like this that I didn't recognize it for what it was. I was looking up the symptoms on the internet (which sometimes the access to so much information CAN be a bad thing) and imagining all sorts of things. Once I realized what had happened and followed my instincts, everything was fine. My instincts told me to increase my intake of water and try to bring down the inflammation, which was probably internal (hence the Motrin).

CONCLUSION
Don't be so paranoid about sex. Those in charge of education unfortunately have been fueled by the organized religions into scaring the crap out of everybody. It's all about controlling the masses. Our children have had it drilled into their heads by the school system that sex is bad (abstain), it will kill you (STDs), or you will get pregnant and ruin your life. In the 21st century, you would have thought we would be more advanced than this as a developed country. Yes, you have to be careful (STDs can be spread orally as well). Yes, you have to use protection (WARNING: lambskin is only good against pregnancy not STDs). Yes, anything in excess is bad for you (there's no shame in using lubricant). So try to practice moderation. And if you get 'The Ditney', just try to cuddle more and cause friction less for a while, or alternate manual stimulation with mechanical, to allow time for recovery. Enjoy your life as a sexual being!

THE MARRIED MAN

PREFACE
Put aside your opinion of infidelity for this one. I am having an affair with a married man. This is not the first time that I've been single and had a married lover. Discretion is the key here. I was married for 20 years to a man I loved and felt was my best friend. We had an understanding that if either of us were to cheat on the other, it better NOT be discovered! Neither of us were jealous having the confidence that we were strong in our relationship and had no need to go looking outside it (or at least would never let the other know we had). It takes much planning and primary consideration for your spouse, if you are going to have an affair. You cannot risk STDs, evidence that can be discovered, nor guilt about your actions. You must BE THERE for your spouse, if there is ANY need at all. If you violate any of these, you WILL be found out and someone will be hurt. But what if your spouse never finds out and you have your affair? Who is hurt by this?

STORY
We met online on a community oriented website. We emailed back and forth and IM'd once before actually meeting. It was understood that he was to come to my house and complete some repairs (for no compensation) and we would get an idea whether or not it would move to a more affectionate arrangement. He came over the first time and we talked about repairs needed, about each other's lives and where we were at the moment. I cooked him dinner. and we talked some more about our beliefs and ideas. We found much in common. And we kissed at the end of the evening before parting, and confirmed that we both were attracted to each other. He left with us both wanting more.

The next week he came and did several repairs around the house, which was glorious since I couldn't do them. Then we sat on the couch and necked for a while. I massaged his back as he had worked very hard and was sore. We kissed and touched and generally explored each other. Nothing more intimate than 'third base' but we had waited too long to really get into anything sexual before he had to go home to his wife and family. I thought it was going very well. We were taking it slow (almost too slow for me!) and he was very a very sweet and gentle lover with a lot of smoldering passion that was VERY exciting and stimulating.

Then for several weeks there was always something that came up to prevent him (WS) from coming to see me until last Saturday, 8/29/09, only four days after my blissful encounter with BT. "What!" you say..."you would have sex with another man four days after BT? the man you supposedly love?" Yes. BT and I are not exclusive. He does not include me in his day-to-day life in the DR. So why not?

THE ENCOUNTER
Saturday, 8/29: WS is due to arrive around 2PM. I have been up all night and had just fallen asleep at 7AM.I text him to his phone and ask if he could postpone for an hour for me to get a little more sleep? He text me back "Would you like breakfast in bed?" I text "That would be lovely. The doors unlocked." (NOTE: I sleep naked. It saves time when I have hot flashes at night. I can just throw off the covers, cool down, then pull the covers back on and go back to sleep. My hot flashes last about 4-5 mins. but will wake me from a sound sleep. You learn to live with it.)

So WS arrives around 1PM with breakfast from a local diner (he was going to cook for me but decided that this would be better). Then he proceeded to feed me breakfast! I have never been pampered like this. The luxury of not having to cook breakfast or even feed myself. With affectionate kisses in between. (NOTE: I was nude with only bed covers in between me and him.) After I finished the eggs & cheese, with some whole wheat toast & several bites of ham (I don't usually eat bread or breakfast meats), I sipped my coffee and we talked casually.

I then asked him if he would massage my neck and shoulders, as I had suffered from a stiff neck for two days now. He was more than eager and has very good hands. This led to revealing more of my naked body as I lay on my stomach and he massaged away my tension. His hands on my bare skin, the soothing slickness of the lotion, and our heightened arousal...all led to us having our first sexual encounter. He was very sensual, generous, and showed great control of his orgasm. But once I turned my back to him, with his body spooned up against mine and we did it doggie style, he lost all control (can you blame him?).

He said he was so sorry that I hadn't cum. I said, "No worries. You can watch and help me orgasm." and he said he'd like that very much. So I brought out my new sex toy, the Relentless Rabbit, and we both enjoyed my orgasm. He said that he would have to work on giving me an orgasm and that I had to not limit myself with thoughts that "I can't have an orgasm except 'this way or that'...." I told him that I am always open to accepting stimulation as it happens during sex. (What I would like is to cum once for every time my partner cums. That would great!) We lay in bed most of the afternoon and into the evening. We talked about his wife being distant sexually to him, her clingy need to revolve around him, the loss of their 21 yo son a year ago in an auto accident and the losses I have suffered (husband, brother, mother & father). We both feel that you have to be thankful for each day and enjoy the joy that enters your life. We are sharing some joy, pleasure, human connection, happiness,...without any burden or expectations. Then he took a shower and left, kissing me goodbye before he left.

CONCLUSION
No matter your opinion of cheating, we all need human contact. We need to be desired, to have our thoughts and ideas listened to, to be encouraged that we matter...that our existence is important. Being confident in who you are, having self esteem, and projecting your dreams and desires into your reality...will bring you that which you desire. You can only hope that you give joy into the universe and try your hardest not to hurt anyone in the process. I am not here to prove or justify what is right or wrong...I give love unconditionally out into the universe and have received joy and comfort in return, without really expecting it. A regular sex life is a wonderful thing!

REVELLING IN THE AFTERGLOW

I am still floating in the afterglow of a mutually satisfying sexual encounter. BT arrived at my door on Monday at 5PM. We hadn't seen each other since May 12th, when we spent 90 minutes together (a much shorter time than originally planned). Before that we had not been together for two years. So you can understand why I am still glowing after our 17 hours we spent together this week!

We kissed and said hello and after a short tour of my new home, we went back to my bedroom and got naked. BT and I have a powerful sexual attraction for each other and for the next three hours we had sex three times, with short naps in between for him. The sex is so good and intense. The naps were understandable since he HAD just put his three children (all in college) on a plane to Boston after spending the week in Orlando with them and drove 2 hours to get to me. We cuddled and he told me about a shake up at work, about his refusal to sign a new contract, and plans to leave and start his own company. All this to happen in the next week or so. I realized that if this relationship is to move forward, I will have to visit the Santo Domingo (DR) and see for myself why he loves it there so much. He has no intension of moving back to the states to live (at least at this point in his life).

We ordered pizza and watched THE WATCHMEN DVD which he had with him and I had not seen as yet. It was an interesting "comic book" movie done in the dark, violent tradition of SIN CITY and set in the 1980s (as much as I could tell). It was a very long movie but enjoyable. This one had some of everything in it; love story, chop-socky 'matrix' fight scenes, good pyrotechnics, flawed heroes galore, and a little humor here and there. BT fell asleep while we held hands watching the movie. At midnight we went to bed, naked and spooning...mmm, such a lovely way to sleep, that is if I did sleep, which I didn't much. Sex is easy, sleeping together isn't. BT does not snore very loudly, thankfully, but I'm just not use to sleeping with anyone anymore. But even in sleeplessness, I love to hear him breathe and listen to the low rumble of his snoring. It's comforting, knowing that no bears will attack (LOL).

I had set the alarm for 6AM to get some "morning wood" action and though his flesh was willing with a little hand work from me, he would not wake up enough to have sex. I accepted defeat for the moment and rolled over with my back to him...as he rolled over to spoon and envelop me with him strong arms. I dozed for a while until I felt his "flesh" becoming aroused all by itself (which is one of the BEST ways to be awakened in my book). We had sex for the fourth time and after his finish, I said, "OK, my turn. Do you want to watch me cum?" He said an enthusiastic YES! and I got out my new toy (a finger vibrator). He had orgasmed four times and not once for me, as I need direct stimulation. He spooned up behind me, touching me, kissing/biting my neck/ears...after about 20 minutes, I asked him to give me his oral attention, at which he is exceedingly good. Then after 20 more minutes, I became too overstimulated, feeling my blood pressure rise and hyperventilating, so I asked him to stop so I could rest. It is the best you can feel without actually having an orgasm. As soon as I had recovered a normal heart rate and breathing, I brought out my other new toy...the Relentless Rabbit. An improvement over the original and it did the trick within 15 minutes...with BT giving much attention to my body. He was quite happy to see me orgasm (as was I!). He then asked for oral attention from me as he knows I am glad to give him a happy ending. I enjoy it almost as much as he does. We cuddled some more and then took a shower together (another great level of intimacy for us). Then all too soon, it was time for him to go.

17 hours of bliss. As he walked towards his rental in the driveway, I told him "I love you"...he said "Love you too." That was the first time we'd said it since he arrived. Words do not speak as loudly as actions, nor the way someone makes you feel. I can live with that for now.

LATEX ALLERGY - CONDOMS

Some people know that they are allergic to latex. They break out on their skin wherever a bandage/bandaid touches. Or they discovered the hard way by trial and error, that their allergy extends to latex condoms and more!

I knew I was allergic to latex but never made the connection. I was married for 20 years and didn't need to use condoms. Before that, I was having sex in the late 70s, early 80s and there wasn't any great need to protect against STDs, just pregnancy. The few times I did use a condom during sex, it felt rough inside me. I didn't think anything of it, just thought that was what it was suppose to feel like (a stick poking me!). I rarely had partners that only penetrated once to completion, but had repeat sessions and used many condoms. If it was more than 3 times, I would be sore for days. Didn't want any more sex until it subsided. I NEVER made the connection!

It was not until I was back out into the dating scene after 20 years and scared to death of the mutant STDs now out there...so I insisted on condoms! When I finally HAD sex (more on that later), I insisted he use a condom for me to perform oral. Well, low and behold, I next day I ended up with a sore throat, mouth, tongue, and the edges of my mouth. DING! DING! the light went on! We only had one session so I was only slightly sore down there. I immediately started researching online if there were any non-latex condoms on the market. And the answer is yes.

You have two choices (actually three, but one is not a choice for me). You can use lambskin, which will protect you from pregnancy but not STDs! There is ONLY one size made in polypropelene (vinyl/rubber - non-latex). There are NO MAGNUMS!! NO larger than average non-latex condoms out there! There are condoms FOR WOMEN that are non-latex (not my choice!). Even sex toys were limited to ONE that was non-latex!

Things are improving. There are now two manufacturers making non-latex condoms, but no large sizes yet. There are more non-latex sex toys out there than three years ago. (Imagine - allergic to your vibrator/dildo?!)

Let's hope that the market catches up with the demand soon. For all us girls who know that size matters and prefer more than above average. (wink, wink)