SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

PREFACE
With spring comes renewal. Grass becomes green again, budding leaves and flowers everywhere, and change is in the air. My life is going through a big change and I don't have a clue how it will all turn out!

STORY
My landlord's house was sold at foreclosure auction on January 22nd. I have been getting letters all about it as the "unknown tenant" but with my name right next to that. So "unknown" but named...lol. Fannie Mae bought the house at auction, and is the agency that guaranteed the original "underwater" mortgage. Funny how things work.

It has been very traumatic to have to move again, and in with family again after 5 years of being on my own in a beautiful town and neighborhood. In central Florida, 2 hours from anywhere I would want to go (but didn't, except to visit family...where I'm moving back to!). I'm under a monumental amount of stress right now, and I broke down into uncontrollable crying today, just to slow me down some more.

I am asking myself what decisions did I make to get me here? Was I using good judgement when I signed up for a graduate level class in November and then continued to pursue that decision until I became $1000 in debt to family friend and 3 weeks away from the end of semester, still not knowing if I can pass this course or not. And when I do pass the class, it won't count for anything if I'm not accepted into the MFA program to complete my degree (of which I have 40/60 credits). It's all hanging in limbo, just like me.

Moving back in with my family entails the loss of freedom. No more walking around naked in the morning or sleeping that way at night. No friends allowed over. My cat isn't allowed anywhere there is carpet, so just my room and the enclosed porch. None of my furniture (my bed!) is allowed in except maybe my computer desk. And if I don't pass my class, I'll have to leave...move again!

I am grateful that I have somewhere to go, even if for only a month or two.

CONCLUSION
I must re-examine what I am manifesting if this is where I am right now. I don't want to be at this point, with these decisions and pressure, moving back to where I gladly left 5 years ago. I don't want to be "let go" from another college teaching job after 3 years because I don't have my MFA! I just wish I knew what to do, what to decide. I will meditate (which I have been doing more and more lately) and ask again, and again, and again, until I get a clear answer. My life seems to be nothing but change and renewal. Happy Spring!

HAPPY MAY DAY!

PREFACE
The first day of May and no pole to dance around. Maybe I'll enroll in a pole dancing class! Anything to shake up this funk I've been in. Not really IN but skirting around the edges of...threatening to be sucked in at any moment, maintaining my distance by shear will and dedication to improving my life, one day at a time.

STORY
It seems that everyone I know is on the brink of a change in their lives. My friends are losing their houses/homes left and right. Poor decisions in the past causing the filing for SECOND bankruptcies, landlords selling income properties out from under tenants, jobs being eliminated, and many of us going back to school (the refuse of a bad economy) to re-train or upgrade for a better chance in the future. The economy can be blamed for some of it, but there's more to it. The attitude of the general population is more to blame. I have refused to watch the broadcast news for many years now, for the very reason that it is depressing, stressful, not necessary for me to be informed of what's generally going on in the world.

I choose to move forward in improving my life. I meditate twice a day, after I awake in the morning and before I go to sleep at night. I am excited about several projects in the works and about what changes are coming in the next six weeks in my life. I have been working on manifesting a more stable living environment and a steady income. I have confidence that all things will work out in my favor. Many people in my position would be at their wits end or at least worried. Worry never changes the outcome of anything, so I refuse to worry.

As it stands right now; I'm not working, my car is on it's last legs, I have to move out of my home in the next six weeks, and I have approximately $60 in the bank. Sounds bleak, but I have about $4000 coming in the next week or so. I am launching a new website for a service I'll be offering to organize and liquidate estates. I will be advertising my tutoring services and I have a connection for occasional freelance jobs. Plus, if I'm offered summer classes to teach, it will give me the stability I need from which to launch an even bigger enterprise, which I've been dreaming and planning for 20 years. Everything keeps falling into place and my life gets better and better.

CONCLUSION
I would like to see what it's like when your life exceeds your dreams. I can't wait to come up with more dreams! I offer my help when I can and look for ways to be of service to others, to use my gifts and talents. That is the only way that life improves.

SELF IMPROVEMENT

PREFACE
As human beings we strive to improve ourselves. It's a basic need to reach self-actualizaiton or what some call enlightenment. Take into consideration that there is an enormous population of humans that will never reach enlightenment because they live in horrendous conditions where ignorance is the rule, to keep the masses controllable. In a country like ours, this should not be, but unfortunately it does exist. Mazlow's Heirarchy of Needs shows that self-actualization can only happen when all the other needs are met. The deficiency needs, of which self esteem is just below self-actualization, have to be met before moving on to the next level. With our tough economic times, self esteem has taken a hit.

STORY
There is a plethora of self improvement systems out there.
The Law of Attraction. This particular idea is so evident and easy to understand that most don't get it. It is based on breaking habits of negativity and thinking your way into a better life. Good thoughts attract good things. Believing the you are already at the place you want to be, things are already taken care of, and eliminating worry from your life.
Visualizing is closely related. As something that very successful people from all walks of life have testified to, visualization works. An athlete crossing the finish line is never surprised that they won, because they already saw themselves doing it. It is something that many people have to practice in the beginning. Vision Boards and Dream Posters were the first visual representation of what you want, your goals. Now there are MindMovies which gives free generic movies which uses visual images and music which taps into brain frequencies to align the mind and the brain. You see what you want and your mind is receptive. Or you can create your own specific mindmovie to manifest your dreams.
Motivational tapes and seminars to help you through your self improvement. Motivating people to get out of their own way in becoming successful in their lives, in getting a better life, and finding their true calling. Many of these will involve making money or providing a steady income. And some claim the "get rich quick" theme that is so familiar. You can waste lots of money on these if YOU are not prepared to succeed, and many are not. YOU have to know what you want, what your dreams are and what you would do if they were realized. Otherwise, FEAR will take over and you will never follow through. If you are more comfortable on paper, in writing, then you can write your story the way you want it to be. And there are many others out there, I have only listed a few that I personally have checked out and have found helped me. If something strikes a chord with you, if it makes you excited...go for it! and follow through! If you are worried how you'll pay for it, believe that you will have the money somehow when you need it. Move forward towards your dream.

CONCLUSION
You can have your dream. You deserve it. You must prepare for it. Eliminate negative from your life. Don't let others draw you into their negative, fearful lives. It is all right to request that others around you not talk about negative things. Stop watching the news. Filter your news to stay informed but stop taking in all the negative, all the time. DREAM BIG!! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

PAY ATTENTION! OR FREE TRIALS AREN'T FREE

Just when you think things are going along smoothly, you discover that your "free trials" have expired and your account has been charged $150!! Paying attention to the details CAN save you money.

All I wanted was white teeth without spending $500-1000 at the dentist. Two "free trials" later I'm looking at two charges, one for $58 and one for $89 and I don't even need the product again if the claims are valid. These products are the advertised claim from a "regular mom" that discovered that by combining TWO teeth whitening products, one used for two weeks, then the other for two weeks...resulted in visibly whiter teeth without the costly visit to the dentist.

I have very little sales resistance when it comes to something I REALLY want. And I REALLY want whiter teeth. I smile a lot...a lot! And not having medical coverage for the last 18 years has cramped my seeing a dentist regularly (or any other medical professional, besides the firm belief that they are all drug pushers). So I ordered the two products, paying ONLY the S&H fees totaling a mere $8. The two week "free trial" period began when I ordered one and received the other (like how do they know?). Then I went to see my sister for a week!!! Totally forgetting about the time constraints on the "free trial" period!

This is the pseudo-scam behind the whole thing. They EXPECT you to forget about the trial period. And then when you see the outrageous charge on your account, you get all freaked out and call and are told that "you had two weeks to cancel" and it's "all in the terms and agreement that you agreed to when you ordered." They got you! ALWAYS READ EVERYTHING BEFORE YOU ORDER ONLINE!

Another tip: Set a reminder on your calendar (Yahoo has one with your email account, use your PDA, cellphone, or hand write it on your wall calendar!!) several days before the expiration of the "free trial" and then two days before and the day before! With all the reminders, maybe you can cancel and not have to pay FULL PRICE.

All of this is to make myself more appealing, and to eventually have more sex. All the watching what I eat, trying to exercise daily and lose weight...all for more sex, and eternally hoping that it leads to a REAL RELATIONSHIP, that includes regular, great sex! Don't we all!

One more thing you can do: Report your card stolen and get it reissued. That way they can't charge your old card any more "membership charges." This solution is a pain in the ass though since you have to change all your automatic charges and payments that you have set up. But sometimes it's the last resort. Happy shopping!

FOLLOWING YOUR INSTINCTS

Several years ago, I was a graduate student studying in two Master's programs at the same time, teaching a Saturday desktop publishing course, and working in the graphics design lab as a monitor/tech support. I loved the academic atmosphere and helping/teaching the undergrads. One day during lab hours, I had a heated discussion with one student about human natural instincts. He was of the opinion that humans have had all their natural instincts erased or evolved out of existence because of modern civilization and technology. I argued that we still have our instincts, they're just buried deep down because we don't need to use them and it's the lazy way to just not try to use them. The debate went on for several hours while he worked on his digital project and I went about my duties, helping him and other students with software and hardware problems. Other students in the computer lab joined in the conversation, expressing their opinions also. The conclusion was: we agreed to disagree. The original student would not budge on his opinion that modern homo sapiens don't have any natural instincts.

I have seen and experienced the end results of instinct and believe down to my bone marrow, that we DO have instincts but that we have just been taught not to follow them, not to trust them. It's when we second guess our instincts that things go wrong. Some people call it "gut feeling", some call it psychic ability, others have "keen sense of judgment", and still others seem to have "all the luck" in anything they do. It all comes down to following or listening to your inner voice.

Last night I was headed to a dance party event sponsored by a dating service I belong to and things just didn't work out as I had planned. By the time I was ready to go I was already an hour behind schedule and didn't make it to the event until it was almost over. Instead of stressing over my lateness, I decided that the driving and getting out was what I had desired most and that I was starving and wanted to get something to eat, a libation, and listen to some good rock'n'roll music. I was tooling down US1 just south of Boca Raton (FL, where the dance was) and started looking for a club or bar with food and music. It was 10:30PM on a Friday night, how hard would it be to find what I was looking for?? Harder than you think when you don't know the area well. Good clubs can be quite camouflaged...tucked away in strip malls, or by seedy-looking exteriors. Finally, I passed a place that I heard the music from across the street, going in the opposite direction. I hung a U-ey and turned into the parking lot to John L. Sullivan's Irish Pub and Restaurant (which I found out later is in Lighthouse Point, FL, just north of Sample Rd.). My instincts had led me to some fine LIVE rock'n'roll music, good Irish cuisine (had the Sheppard's Pie, excellent!) and a friendly, casual atmosphere. I enjoyed my food and the Glen Livet, and the music (if the music is too loud, you're too old!!). Instincts are valid and should be trusted more. Try it!