Saturday, May 30, 2009


I received this first contact email today:
(This is copied & pasted exactly as sent except for personal information.)

Hello pretty,
I was surfing through profiles after a longtime on this site and i came across your picture,it attracted me so i stopped and decided to read your profile and wow,your profile is just as great as your picture itself.What a beauty!You definitely got your appearance so attracting and appealing.Nobody is gonna skip your profile without sending you a message.I can see sincerity in your eyes.
You look far younger than your age.Is what you have on this site a correct statement of your age?Well for once i thought," hey dare not try contacting her because a pretty lady of this type is already seriously dating'' but again I decided to give it a shot by sending you an email as there is no harm in trying. I really will like to hear back from you so i get to know you more.u can email me on or we can talk on yahoo im, also you can leave your number so that i can call you if you don't mind. .hope to hear from you soon bye

What is wrong with this? Nothing, you say? If you can't see it, then you've probably been writing emails like this or worse. It shows the deterioration of the English language skills and letter writing in this country. Run together sentences, improper grammar, and that doesn't even address the content! Just because it's email doesn't mean you should ignore proper form. A woman will be impressed with a man's intelligence in the way he expresses himself. (Apologies to those who are immigrants but, LEARN THE LANGUAGE!)


1) Open your email with a salutation and end with a signature, i.e. Dear XXXX, or use their ID or something romantic (Beautiful Lady, Dear Venus, etc...). Once you know a woman's real name, address her by it...Dear Jill, Dear Vanessa, or just Vanessa. And please end it with a closing and your signature (name). "Awaiting your reply, John" "Ciao, Eric" "Have a blessed day, Robert" so that she can address you in her reply.

2) Compliments should be sincere, used sparingly, and be creative. DO NOT SAY: "You have a great body." "You are so hot!" "Hot and sexy!" These short, one line compliments are no better than construction workers whistling and cat-calling at a girl passing by. They are offensive, not compliments, when given to a total stranger. It would be better to tell a woman that she has classic beauty, or that she reminds you of someone you had a crush on, or that your life would be improved if you knew her better. Don't gush. Give one or two compliments and move on.

3) Try to get a reaction. Intrigue her, make her laugh, express something about you or your life that you think she might share an interest, tell her about an activity that would be so much more fun if you did it together (not sex! not this soon). If nothing comes to mind, ask questions about what she's into...READ HER PROFILE! Don't just look at the pictures.

4) Thank her for noticing you. "Thanks for taking the time to read my email." "Thanks for looking at my profile. There is so much more that I didn't include." "I can understand if you aren't interested in me romantically but if you need a friend to talk to, I'm here." You can never have enough friends. And sometimes, good friendships turn into great romances.

5) Answer her email promptly. If you can't answer right away, send a short note letting her know that. "Thank you for your email. Things are hectic right now. Will write more soon." and then make the time to answer her. If she's interested in getting to know you better, don't rush into more intimate contact; like giving her every possible way to contact you all at once. Ask if she'd like to message in real time (instant messaging) or would she prefer to talk on the phone. Then let her ask for your information. If her reply says she's not interested, see #4.

I have noticed men rush into phone contact or meeting face to face, putting pressure on the relationship before it even starts. Some men can't type. Let a woman know that or LEARN TO TYPE FASTER! Women are word-based, men are visual-based. Learn to invest some time in expressing yourself, listening, and getting to know a woman as a person. If all you want is sex, then asking every woman you're attracted to if they want to have sex will get you some eventually (just by sheer percentages) but it won't be something you can count on. Establishing conversation and mutual interest will have a woman coming back for more.

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