HAPPY NEW YEAR 2019!

PREFACE
A new year. What joy will this year bring to me? Every day is a new chance for joy. Not just the first day of the new year. But we all see it and mark it as a new beginning.

STORY
This year brings along with it the old problems of the last two years, since #45 was put into the presidency. I resolved last year to "unplug" from the news on the weekends on Friday night and not watch the news again until Sunday night. This gives me a break from the non-stop dumpster fire that is the Trump presidency!

I am also still fighting the effects of PTSD, depression and anxiety, but the need to fight them is getting a little more infrequent. I have tried to start a running count of "days I haven't cried" but can't seem to get past 3 days. I am still broken.

I started a weight loss program in the beginning of November. I've lost 11 lbs, even through the holidays. I'm in my 14th week and I'm going to lose 60 lbs. I am tired of carrying around the extra weight. I'm tired of my joints aching. I'm tired of not being able to do things that I use to do with ease. I'm just tired! This program (Noom) is based online and aligns with my lifestyle. This will be a success!!

CONCLUSION
So with a new year, comes a new outlook. My one resolution this year will be to move forward.

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY, 50TH ANNIVERSARY!

PREFACE
It's the 50th Super Bowl and I'm celebrating it at my nephew's house. I really don't care much who wins. I do like to see a good football game, so I hope it is one. My sister is cooking mac'n'cheese to take and I'm off to try to do two installations before joining the festivities.

STORY
I really enjoy the commercials more than the game or half time. My late husband, George, was an audio/visual-phile and taped all the Super Bowls while we were married. I had 20 years of them on VHS. They sold well at my yard sale after he passed and I lost my home. I miss George more than any of the things I have lost since. There are times I am more emotional about his absence. Super Bowl Sunday is one of them.

CONCLUSION
As you enjoy the pinnacle of the favorite American past time (or one of them), hold your loved ones close and imprint the joy in your memory. You never know how many more chances you have. Yell at the screen! Eat, and don't think about the calories! Tell stories and laugh out loud! Put down the cellphone, the iPad, the laptop, and immerse yourself in the friends and family surrounding you. EAT! DRINK! AND BE MERRY! Enjoy! (and GO PANTHERS!!) :)

DAY 39: THE DARK PLACE

PREFACE
It is 5:30AM and I'm still awake. My weight loss goal is on hold. The makeup work for my Incomplete grade is on hold and due in 4 weeks. I have letters to request from former supervising professors. I'm at the end of my unemployment year and awaiting word on my new claim year. Then there's income tax to file and my credit to clean up and a credit score to rescue from the dungeon. 'Tis a dark time & a dark place.

STORY
As you suspect, my sleeping patterns have not returned to any resemblance to normal. I'm still staying up til dawn sometimes and sleeping until early afternoon. I'm lucky to get two good meals out of the day and no exercise. The colder days of February has slowed my "lizard-like" metabolism down to a crawl. Motivation to venture out is almost non-existent.

I'm late-night snacking and not following my life diet very well these days. Ian brought packaged food into the house that had thawed from the transportation lag-time and non-cooler storage of the move from Ft. Lauderdale to Sebastian, FL. He's been back down there three or four times in the past week (having trouble adjusting and letting go...which is understandable, since I went through it too when I first moved up here). This IS the farthest he's ever lived away from his known universe. But this has introduced thawed breaded fish sticks & Swedish meatballs, and ThinMints, and many boxes of cereal into my food storage areas. Things that had to be eaten before they spoiled and I was the only one HOME to eat them.

The bright glow of hope in all this is that I have a part time job starting soon with the local college...teaching graphic design!! I am so thrilled! I have to get the rest of the paperwork in to the HR dept., but it's a done deal. I'll be teaching in Ft. Pierce (30 miles away) and maybe in Vero Beach (14 miles away). I am so happy to back to teaching undergrads and back in academia. I've missed it beyond description.

Tied in with the new teaching job is my pursuit of my Master's degree. I have 4 weeks to makeup the work for a passing grade in my first online class; so I can continue with my second class in April and receive my active loan disbursement & loan deferments.

Timing is everything! This job will come at a time when my UE benefits have run out. The ed loan will come when I need a laptop for work and to pay any minimal income tax owed. My credit score will be improved enough to qualify me to buy this house under a magical first-time buyer program. The weight will start to come off and I will get into the best physical shape of my life.

CONCLUSION
Everything will come together, money will be available to pay everything, and this will be the dawning of a wonderfully enlightened time in my life. Stay tuned...

Day 12: 218 AND HOLDING

PREFACE
WEIGH IN: Well I'm relieved to see no weight gain! With all the pizzas and unbalanced meals I consumed over the last two weeks...no weight gain. No weight loss either. I also didn't start my exercise routine of an hour a day. It's been cold/cool but that's no excuse. I have also been keeping vampire hours (going to sleep at dawn and sleeping until 3 or 4PM...What's up with that?). And on top of it all...no sex! for 19 days!

STORY
What happened? Stress...

...no stress relief...My married lover is taking an intense course M-Sat. for green construction practices and it leaves no time for me. I was going to drive down to Miami and get some sex from my boy toy, but the thought of driving 2 1/2 hours and then staying the night in his 3 room efficiency apartment just didn't appeal to me. If I could have afforded a night in a nice hotel, I'd have gone in a heartbeat. If I had REALLY wanted just sex, I could have made arrangements, and it may come to that very soon!

...stress that I put on myself. I was to deliver my painting to the courthouse for public display (public art) on Saturday, January 15th. The art club I belong to exhibits in various locations, and this was one. I had every intention to deliver and hang my huge painting of tree roots with subtle human shapes in them. I LOVE trees. I LOVE photographing trees. I LOVE painting trees. This painting was only under-painted. I had never gone back to finish it. I thought in my mind, "I can get this done this week. Or at least to the point that it can be hung among the other artwork of the art club." Sure. A week to finish a 3' X 4' painting. I think my biggest fear prevented me from finishing it on time. And also contributed to my falling off the 'diet' wagon. I neglected my life diet severely the last two weeks.

My biggest fear is that I will paint some part of a painting and mess it up so bad that I can't fix it. If I don't take the chance of putting my art out there for public criticism, then how will I learn? It's scary. But if I keep my art to myself, then my opinion is the only one I have to worry about. Not a productive attitude. Especially when I WANT to be recognized as a 'real' artist.

CONCLUSION
It was all my own undoing. I guess I just wasn't ready to exhibit. I missed this opportunity but I won't miss the next one. I am painting on my unfinished canvas almost everyday. I'm so use to painting in an inspirational frenzy and then NOT for long periods of time. I have to paint some everyday, even if it's only a square inch!

I have to work on my discipline! Get back to my organic foods, regular meals, regular exercise, regular sleep patterns, and regular sex!! Tomorrow is another day...

DAY TEN: GET BACK ON TRACK

PREFACE
Weigh-in is on Saturday to see if I've lost 10lbs. After 9 days of having 'fallen off the wagon' and not starting my exercise routine...I am still determined to lose 50lbs by March 15th, 2010. I'm very confident that I am moving forward in my efforts.

STORY
The worst breech in my daily effort has been the Domino's pizzas I got and ate all last week. I buy their 3 medium pizzas for $5 each special every two weeks or so. I pig out the night they arrive and then freeze the leftovers for later. Later being the next several days! When I say pig out, I mean 6 or more slices. Now this would be a lot for a large pizza (16") with lots of toppings. But for a medium pizza, with only extra cheese or mushrooms being the added topping, it's not as bad as it sounds. Plus Domino's has started brushing the edge with herbs & garlic, which makes it irresistible. What is it about pizza that is soooo addicting? A friend offered this reason: it's the sugar. Could be...but I'm not giving up sugar! I don't care how much substituting they do, sugar tastes good. I know refined white sugar is bad so I use raw or sugar cane juice sugar instead. I gave up on the chemical sugars because they ARE poison and I don't want them in my body. I avoid white flour like the plague (which is why my addiction to pizza is so WRONG!).

I also made a recipe off the CoolWhip container using the fresh strawberries I bought to make a frozen delight which I used as dessert for 6 days. Each serving was about 300 calories.

CONCLUSION
All in all, I've managed to stay within the 1200-1500 calories/day even though I've been way off in my usual eating habits. The deciding factor in whether I lose this weight is exercise! My intake of calories would barely keep a woman of my height at 150lbs, IF SHE WERE UNDER 40 AND QUITE ACTIVE! I AM NOT THAT STATISTIC. We shall see on Saturday when I weigh in. (And by the way, no sex since last Monday. I would happily use 90 minutes of sex every day for my exercise!!)

DAY TWO: RUNAROUND ERRANDS

PREFACE
Only got 7 hours sleep, 2 hrs less than I NEED every night. Yes...I said it, NEED. I hear from most people that they only need 5-7 hours...they can't sleep any longer than that. Well I say that something is wrong with them. Everybody needs 7 1/2 or more hours of straight, uninterrupted sleep a night. Most don't GET it, but we all NEED it. People convince themselves that they can continue to live on 7 or less hours. Al that does is shorten their lives. Sleep is when our bodies repair themselves, rejuvenate. Besides, I really needed the rest to have the energy for the errands I had to run during the day. AND EAT BREAKFAST FOR GOODNESS SAKES! (I have a protein smoothie of my own design, approx. 400 calories & 3 egg whites with one yolk for color, scrambled. Yum.)

STORY
Today I was going to open a new (local) bank account, but I got to the bank 23 minutes after they closed. The biggest drawback of being a late riser! I did get around to picking up the paint (interior & exterior) that was being given away on Freecycle.com (like craigslist but everything is free...still-usable items given away instead of filling the landfills!...YAY!). It was very cold today so I wanted to pick up the paint before it was effected by the temperatures (40s).

Then it was off to WalMart to rent two movies (for free) from the Redbox kiosk with the FREE promo code I got sent to my email. Once I got home, I downloaded several FREE self-improvement items in video form and watched a couple. I did laundry and snuggled down to watch some TV. Five days into the new year and there is a plethera of diet (fad diets) commercials on every channel, during every show. Yes...they work...for some people....at some times..but ONLY ONCE! BE AWARE! Granted, one of the most common New Year's resolutions is to lose weight, I think even more than 'get in shape' or to quit smoking. (I'll have to check on that.)

CONCLUSION
No exercise today other than running around in the car. Watched the movies I rented. Have to return them by 9PM tomorrow. It is an excuse to get out of the house! Eating healthy, giving YOUR body what it needs specifically, and EXERCISE is the way to losing and maintaining a healthy weight. As you get older, accept the fact that you will either have to reduce your intake or increase your activity to remain the same. You cannot eat like you are 20 when you are 30! and you have to work out MORE to keep from gaining weight...it only gets worse at 40 and above. But you can DO something about it as long as you are healthy and working at it will keep you healthy.

DAY ONE: SEX & PIZZA

PREFACE
Today is the first day of my goal of losing 50lbs in 70 days. I did well in planning what I was going to do today before I even got out of bed. But somehow, it didn't work out as planned...it was better!

STORY
I lay in bed and plan out how my day will be, how it will go along, and what I will do or accomplish. I repeat my list of 5 goals, then get out of bed. I text'd my married lover/handyman asking when he can come by and install my kitchen faucet (and take care of MY plumbing at the same time...after all, IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE I'VE HAD SEX!). To my delight, he text's back that he will be here in an hour...YAY! I take care of a few things online, pay a bill or two, check dating sites for communications (more on that later) and then step into the shower to tweak my shaved status and get all clean for him.

WS arrives just as I finish blow drying my hair...I'm still wrapped in a big towel, which turns him on immediately. We kiss and caress and strip each other down...then I lead him to my bedroom and we spend the next 90 minutes or so having vigorous, delicious sex. I swear it gets better every time. Afterwards, WS massages my neck, shoulders, and back...which was also delicious. Then he asked me to sit up and he talked me through some healing methods to help my lower back. As we sat naked, cross-legged, facing each other...he said that I had an incredibly strong aura that he felt right away. (He's a Christian Scientist...very spiritual, self-healing, metaphysical, etc....) We got into the shower and enjoyed the water and each other's bodies for a short time and then went to work on the kitchen faucet. Went to Home Depot for parts and came back to finish. We enjoy each other's company and talk about everything (his wife and kids, who I'm dating, my family, art, movies, etc...). He may be moving back to NY and if that happens, I will miss him greatly.

I hadn't eaten anything all day, so I ordered pizza from Domino's. WS had to leave before it was delivered. I ate 6 pieces of a medium cheese pizza.

CONCLUSION
So my exercise for today: 90 minutes of vigorous sex (489 calories burned)
Food intake: Pizza (960 cal.) and ice cream (270 cal.)

A great start to my goal!

KEEPING IT TOGETHER WHILE LOSING IT

PREFACE
Tomorrow is the first day of my goal to lose 50lbs in 10 weeks. I was inspired by watching The Diet Tribe on cable. Five women friends that vowed to lose 50lbs in four months and then compete in a triathalon. I know that I can do better than they did for several reasons.

STORY
I know that I don't have the issues these women had, I have a whole set of different issues to deal with, and I will. None of these women were over 40 years old. They had a personal trainer to instruct them and ride their asses. They were getting paid to do this project so they could afford the healthy foods. I know what it feels like to lose 50lbs and to exercise routinely producing a healthy, fit body. I remember what that feels like and I will feel that again.

I will be documenting my progress with what works for me. If this inspires anyone to try what I do/did and see if it works for them, more power to you. I am of the opinion that each person is unique and what works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa. I have tried many 'diets' and 'magic pills' and 'food plans'...all for naught. My healthy eating habits (life diet) which I have developed over the past six years have not helped me lose weight, but have maintained my weight while my activity has decreased drastically. I have become a 'lump' on the couch or I sit for hours in front of the computer. I need to greatly increase my activity level...in other words, "start working my ass off!" to achieve my weight-loss goal. I will be reporting what I eat and how I've exercised, my hits and misses, stress management, and inspiration.

CONCLUSION
If I am consuming 1200-1500 calories a day and not exercising, I cannot expect to lose weight. My body has become comfortable on reduced caloric intake. It has become comfortable at this weight and now I must make it uncomfortable. I have to use up more calories than I take in, not an easy task. My goal is at least one hour of vigorous exercise a day, with some yoga (new to me) thrown in. Ready, Set...Go!

LABOR DAY

PREFACE
I am looking for that one special man I can love and share my life with but in the meantime, I intend to bring happiness into my life every day. I have a lover I'm seeing once a week at least and now that I have my regular sex life taken care of, it's time to work on increasing my activity even more. I researched into a local bike-a-thon that I can enter to motivate me to exercise more. I love to ride my bike but haven't ridden once since I moved here almost 6 months ago. Having gained 30 lbs from March to June, I desperately need to get my ass out there and ride!

STORY
Instead I mowed the front lawn. That in itself is good exercise and burns lots of calories. 537 calories burned in 1 hour. I made my goal to start training on Tuesday if the weather permitted. I have to mow the lawn over two days, front yard one day, the backyard the next. If I try it all in one day, I could faint from heat stroke. After all, I live in central Florida and it hasn't started to cool off yet. Another week or two and then the weather is gorgeous...it's what the tourists come down here for.

CONCLUSION
Some exercise is better than no exercise. I am trying to move more every day. 5hrs/day = 20 mins/hour you are awake. This doesn't count when you are sick but still try to move when you can and rest enough to get well. Once you are well again, start back to the goal of 5hrs/day of moving (walking, climbing stairs, bike riding, grocery shopping, doing laundry, gardening, shooting pool, swimming...anything to move!). Love yourself first and love will find you.

WEIGHT LOSS

I started taking REZMelt a month ago (7/3). It's dissolve-on-your-tongue Resveritrol tablets. I got them for a free trial (which was to be two weeks, but in an accounting accident, I got two orders and just paid the S&H). Very tasty and easy to remember to let two of them dissolve on my tongue in the morning when I got up. So...I finished them on Tuesday. I lost 7 lbs in the month I took them, without doing anything different.

On July 28th, I finally received my free trial of Sensa. It is a two month supply that you use every day for a 30 day free trial (only pay S&H), but if you want to continue past the 30 days, you pay $90 for the two month supply and then you let them know when you want the next shipment to keep you on track. I've lost 8 lbs in 11 days! Sensa is a combination of "tastants" (their word for the seasonings) that you sprinkle on your food...ALL the food you eat (except soups or smoothies/drinks). There's one sprinkle for salty and one for sweet. You use the month's shakers (there's two so you can take one with you and leave one at home) and then you discard it when you start using the next month's supply. The "tastants" change each month so you don't get use to them.

It works through your sense of smell and taste, telling your body that you are full. (Sensa...senses...Duh! hello!) You start to eat less without any effort. I haven't really noticed that I'm eating less but the I have lost a total of 15 lbs since July 6th. I don't care how it works, and as long as there's no bad stuff in it...I'm using it! They are even in the process of removing a slight dye they had in the sprinkles so you could see it on the food, just to accommodate those with allergies to Yellow food dye. There's a community set up with forums for support.

I figured I'd try it in combination with other things that are suppose to stimulate weight loss. Food journal, Resveritrol, increased activity, and the Sensa. It's working, and that's what matters.

DIETS - TRUTHS AND LIES

Some good advice - FIGHTING FAT FOR AMERICA

I hate calling it a "diet" as I'm just adjusting my eating habits and trying to lose the weight I've gained (over the past four months AND over the past 18 or so years!). I do eat healthy but I know that my body has changed since I started going through menopause.

TRUTH: Hormones are an important factor in weight gain.

Whether you are young or old, male or female, rich or poor, live in the north, south, east or west, your weight is effected by your hormones, and depends on if they are in balance or out of balance. (Speaking from personal experience.)
Puberty can take a 12 year old pudgy girl of 4'11" and in one summer, remake her body into a knock-out, drop-dead 13 year old of 5'2" without much attention being paid by her. Birth control pills can put on 20-30 pounds without any change in eating or exercise (since they convince your body that you ARE pregnant!).
Pregnancy is when your hormones are on overdrive. The only hope you have is to be more active than ever for many reasons: 1) It will help keep the weight gain down to YOUR minimum. Don't go by others' pregnancies or even your past ones, 2) You will need to build up your strength for the coming baby not try to catch up after, 3) The increased activity will help in getting you involved outside of yourself, improve your attitude, curb mood swings, and help reduce your cravings. This is general advice and for those who are healthy enough to be more active while pregnant.
Menopause changes everything! What worked before, doesn't work now (more about this later on). Tastes change, the effects on your body of food and exercise changes, personality changes, and attitudes change. An extra 10 or 20 pounds above what the "average" is IS NOT a bad thing, it's normal. But weight gain is too easy at this stage and weight loss is next to impossible for some.
NOTE; Men go through these stages too. All of them! Take before and after pregnancy pictures of the "dad" and you'll see what I mean. (This applies to the men who stick around and are involved with their wives/gf/baby's moma during the pregnancy.) Weight gain is effected by hormones.

TRUTH: Genetics can make it impossible for you to ever be a size 0!

You have to be honest with yourself. Look at your relatives and ancestors. Your mother and father and their parents are good indicators of what you will look like when you are older. Don't try to look like Twiggy (size 0) if your mom looks like Mae West (size 16) and for those too young to know who they are, go by the sizes, okay. Be happy with what you were given and work to be strong and healthy (even at size 18!). And forget looking like the supermodels, they are all over 5'9", which is 5 inches over the average height for women!

LIE: If you follow this diet, you'll lose 15 pounds in 30 days! (Or one time truth)

I have found that fad diets, diet pills, short-term meal plans, diet programs (Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem, etc...) ONLY WORK ONCE! Whatever they change in your regular eating habits and whatever they DO to your fat cells (and god knows what else in your body), IT ONLY WORKS THAT ONE TIME. If in a few years (or months) you put the weight back on (or more), it won't work a second time. Your only hope is to find a LIFE DIET that you can follow every day for the rest of your life (barring any hormonal disruptions...see above). If you can find a LIFE DIET that works for you, then you can add and subtract things as you and your body change. Organic and raw foods are the key. Vegetable and fruits the main ingredients. Meats, fish, poultry, and other proteins should also be organic (preservative-free, hormone-free, antibiotic-free...these things are killing us as a nation). Starving yourself, eating foods you don't normally eat, or portions that are too small to satisfy your body's daily needs are all methods that contribute to failure in dieting and weight loss. Proportions made smaller gradually, eliminating one thing (bad) at a time over time, LEAVING SOME ON YOUR PLATE (one of the hardest things to do), eating when you are hungry, training your body to be hungry at certain times, and eating slower so you know you are full before you stop eating, will help with your LIFE DIET.

LIE: This diet will make you lose weight without even exercising!

Exercise is necessary to maintain or lose weight. As you get older (especially over 40!!), you have to exercise MORE to maintain or lose weight. When you are under 40, your metabolism is operating at a higher efficiency. After 40, it declines, so you have to do more to just stay at the weight you are at, if you are still eating the same way. The more sedentary you become (couch potato, lay like broccoli...), the more weight you will gain and in all the wrong places. You must move! MOVE! Move 5 hours every day. That is 20 minutes out of every hour (that most people are awake). If you walk in the grocery store or shopping for an hour, then you can sit at your computer for 3 hours or watch a movie and tv for 3 hours. Recommendations are that you do 30 minutes a day of cardiovascular exercise...raising your heart rate with a brisk walk, bike ride, swimming laps, low impact aerobics, yard work...find what works for you. Dancing is great (dance like nobody is watching for an hour every other day!). MOVE! and keep moving and be thankful that you CAN move.

LIE: Everybody should see the same results in 6 weeks. (Half-truth told about exercise CD/DVDs, equipment, and devices, except those that "do it for you" which are total LIES.)

If you do ANY kind of exercise consistently for six weeks, you will see results!! The results will not be the same for everybody, but there will be a difference in your body from the time you started to the change in six weeks. Everybody will have some strength improvement (as long as there are no underlying medical problems). That alone will improve your attitude and outlook. So MOVE!, start doing some kind of physical movement every day. In a month and a half, you'll see some difference and feel better!

TRUTH: No diet works for everyone. We are all individuals with different needs and wants.

Be careful what you put in your body. Listen to your body and pay attention to what you crave and when, when you are hungry and if you eat when you are NOT hungry. Social situations, emotional upset, habits from upbringing, stress-filled days, economic stress to name a few, can all influence how and what you eat. If you have more weight on your body than you feel is healthy, start paying attention to your body. You are worth it! Try to eat more natural foods, less refined/packaged/convenient/processed/fastfoods...and any change, no matter how small, will result in an improvement you will notice. And the more you try, the better it will be and easier it will become. If you change one thing a week, in two months, that's eight things you've changed. Believe me...YOU WILL SEE IMPROVEMENT. And don't beat yourself up when you splurge, just get back on track the next day. A little reward for effort every once in a while is needed.