Adventures in Flying! Happy New Year!

PREFACE
A happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year to you and yours! I had a wonderful time, once I got to Wisconsin. Adventures in flying! My flight was cancelled twice during my layover in Charlotte, N.C. and finally I was put on a flight to Dallas! and then flew into Madison, instead of Milwaukee. I left Ft. Lauderdale at 10 A.M. and didn't get into Madison until 11 P.M.! But it's all good. 

STORY
There was 7 inches of new snow on the ground and I was very thankful for my sister's snow boots and gloves. The ceremony for my son, Ian, and his bride, Erin, was informal at the courthouse. There were local friends and family there. The bride and groom's mothers were the official witnesses (me and her mother). The vows made me cry and I had no tissues, of course. The judge was friendly and funny and the ceremony was moving. Then we all went to dinner. Good times!

CONCLUSION
My son and his new bride are starting the new year out as husband and wife. My own parents chose Dec. 31st as their wedding day. I think it is a nice repeat of a tradition. I can already see that they will be much happier than my parents were. They are much more in sync and have more commonality. They remind me of my marriage to Ian's father and the soul-mate, best friend bond that we had together for 20 years. It gives me  a warm feeling in my heart and comfort that my son will have the kind of love that made him be possible. HAPPY, HEALTHY, & PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR! 2016!

FEBRUARY - FREE (E)HARMONY!

PREFACE
Well eHarmony has done it again! They put themselves out there...phishing for members...with a free month (the shortest of the year) of communication between ALL members, paying or not. Communication up to FREE COMMUNICATION through their site-based email.

STORY
I have been a member of eHarmony for 8 years now. No, not a paying member all that time (I'd be bankrupt several times over!). The advantage of being a non-paying member? None, except when they offer "specials" like 3 months for the price of one month, free weekends or three-day holiday weekends, and just recently, 10-day stretches of FREE. All with their own restrictions (in fine print) but shows that eHarmony is trying to be competitive. Their regular $59 per month charge is OUTRAGEOUS in terms of comparison to other dating sites charges and comparable results (no matter what their commercial ads say).

I took full advantage of the month and made a few connections but again, nothing that has progressed into an actual face-to-face meeting. I have made one contact who lives up north, far away. He seems to be a good match but there are "problems" with communication on the phone. I have run into "scheduled" phone calls before. Most of the time it means there is a wife or live-in girlfriend involved. Although his explanation is plausible in that I have encountered it myself. He says that the place where he lives interferes with cellphone signals and he can only talk in certain places in the house. He also has roommates (?) so talking on the phone can be annoying or disruptive to "them."

My similar situation was at my sister's house where I lived for a year...NO cellphone signal could get through her walls. I had to run out the front or back door into the yard to pick up an incoming call. To make a call I could sit very, very still next to my computer in my room or on the toilet (not necessarily doing any business), or out in the yard. I could send text messages...lower level signal so they could get through more often than not. Oh, and she didn't allow me to give out her phone number at the house to any of my dates (in case of psychos...not that I dated any...thank god).

CONCLUSION
I am a trusting person and always believe the best of people, until proven wrong. I am only suspicious when I come across the same scenario again and again. Suspicion may be too harsh a word. Be aware. Proceed with caution.

HE STAYED OVERNIGHT

PREFACE
So now my sleep pattern is in VAMPIRE MODE. The fiasco of the term paper last weekend and the end of teaching for Summer Term One left me with staying up all night until dawn, then going to sleep until after noon. I slept one day for 12 hours to catch up for an all-nighter in there someplace. Will I ever get back on schedule??

STORY
Friday night...up all night...Saturday AM, sun coming up, AGAIN! and I'm not in bed nor have I been since I got up at 4PM Friday afternoon. I try to go to sleep. I listen to my meditation CD...all 45 minutes of it...still awake. I sent a text to my married lover WS to ask if he's going to come by to see me today. It's 7AM and I don't even know if he's awake or if his wife will intercept the message, or give him a hard time about it. Then I get a text back, he's in pain, can't hardly walk...don't think he'll be coming by. I sent him good thoughts and well wishes...back and forth...kiss, kiss...feel better.

I couldn't sleep so I got up and mowed the back yard. Or at least a third of it. It's so tall that I can't get through it all at once. Have to stop after 20 minutes and let the mower cool down so I can hose down the blades! It's going to take me DAYS to get it under control again.

There's a rabbit sitting by the 'wild patch' in the back corner. He doesn't move when I mow (within 8 feet of him). Now I notice there's another one about two feet from him, hunched down into the tall grass. They must have a brood in the brush and are standing vigil to protect them as best they can. How brave...and dedicated.

It's now noon and way too hot to mow again today until sunset, so I go to bed and finally to sleep. I set the alarm for 7:30PM (it gets dark at almost 9 now). It goes off and I get dressed and go out to mow again. I get another third mowed before it starts to rain. Back inside the cool AC and standing under the vent to get my body temperature back down to normal...the phone rings. It's WS and he's feeling better. He sent me text messages that I didn't answer. I told him I was mowing. 9:30...he is already in bed, but wants to see me...I want to see him...he'll be here in 45 minutes...perfect! time for me to cook dinner and shower (timed just right when he arrives!). He joins me in the shower and we have hot sex. It overworks his hip and he's in pain again.

Once I realize he has sciatica, I rub on some BioFreeze and we relax on the couch to watch the comedian shows and munch on dinner. His wife and kids are all gone away up north, so he says "I'll stay tonight"...(wow, all night...a first). WS is one of the few men that I can actually SLEEP in the same bed with, a rarity. Sex is easy, sleeping in the same bed is a difficult 'dance' to master.

CONCLUSION
It was new and different to have WS stay the night. I got about four hours sleep total. When BT is here, I get very little sleep. I spoon with both men, but I'm more comfortable with WS. What is that? I can't explain it. Maybe because BT is single, I only see him 1-2 times a year, and I don't want to miss a single minute?! Is it just me or do all women have trouble sleeping with their lovers? How is it that men can just fall asleep? Maybe if I climaxed every time I had sex, I could just fall asleep too. No...it would have to be more than just once. I am energized after the first one. Somewhere around the third or fourth one...yeah, then I could sleep! LOL

CLEAR THE CLUTTER!

PREFACE
As the last spring full moon ushers in Summer, my thoughts turn to cleaning. It is not officially summer until June, but my spring cleaning is not yet done. This is both literal and figurative. I have been clearing out clutter in my life and in the space in which I live. Clutter can slow your thinking, your progress forward, and the beneficial chi that flows through your home. This was inspired by one of my daily emails from a Feng Shui site, which I believe has enhanced my life.

STORY
Clutter has several catagories but for the sake of brevity we'll divide clutter into four; Emotional, Mental, Physical, and Spiritual. I will address each from two perspectives; Figurative (F) and Literal (L).

Emotional Clutter:
(F) Choose three (3) things that you no longer need, use, or love and give them to someone who will do all of those things. You will clear out some stuck energies.
(L) Review your relationships and be honest with your emotional health. If there is (are) any that are more of a drain than benefit, think seriously of distancing yourself. Choose to be around those that cause you joy.

Mental Clutter:
(F) Things that are untidy or disorganized scramble the brain. Organize one drawer today.
(L) Thoughts that are destructive or counter-productive that invade your good spirits are mental clutter. Negative thoughts, instead of positive thoughts, stated over and over become reality. The only way to break the cycle is to believe that what we think, we are. Practice three positive thoughts a day, when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Think about what you want to change and then believe that it is changed. Have confidence in your ability to be in control of your life.

Physical Clutter:
(F) Get rid of one thing causing physical clutter that may also cause reciprocal restrictions in your body. Opening up your living space can give you 'breathing' room.
(L) Make a plan to improve one thing about your physical health in the next month, be it increasing exercise by 15 minutes a day or an hour a week or replacing something in your diet with fresh, organic instead. Take a walk around the block, ride your bike, or go for a swim. Being out in the sun for 15 minutes per day can lift your spirits and improve your health. Eating one meal every other day that is prepared from scratch and fresh ingredients. Do one thing to improve each month.

Spiritual Clutter:
(F) This is unfinished business. Return one email, text, or voicemail today that has been on your 'to do' list in order to plug the energetic drain on your spirit. Write that report, finish that project, fight procrastination today and nourish your sense of accomplishment.
(L) Meditate, listen to an alpha recording, connect with your faith, be still and reflect on your plans. However you clear your soul and experience the oneness of you, take the time to pay attention and realign yourself. Don't let the details of day-to-day living crowd in and overwhelm you. Take time for you.

CONCLUSION
Yes it is very easy to say. Advise is given and it's up to us to use it or continue to be frustrated, disconnected, unhappy, and living a life of quiet desperation. It is up to each individual how your life goes, how your reality unfolds. You can take control or just react to what happens to you. Everyone has the ability to live the life they've always dreamed about, and to be giving and joyful. Clutter is a place to start...after that, there are no limits to the possibilities. Peace & Joy!

DAY 19: NEW INSPIRATION

PREFACE
Since Monday, I have made adjustments to the coming change in my life. My son is moving in with me due to his crisis in credit and not being able to rent a place of his own. This has caused him to give notice on a IT job that paid VERY well but was in South Beach in Miami. If he moved in with me, he would have a 3 hour commute to Miami...and NO amount of money is worth that. So this new development in my life has caused me to re-evaluate my daily routine and my goals. It has inspired me to pull myself together and do some things that I have put off, now crucial for the incoming additions to my household. I am THRILLED to have him moving in. I have missed him so much.

STORY
(Short version) Ian is 24 and just got his divorce on January 15th. It was a long time coming and a very stressful, messy affair to extricate himself from, which has dragged on for four years. They were too young to marry but my son felt it was the honorable thing to do after she became pregnant. I have a five year old granddaughter for which he shares custody with her maternal great-grandmother.

He and his soon-to-be wife moved out of my house in 2005. I have missed him terribly since then, only seeing him occasionally because I'm not the nagging, guilt-dispensing typical "mother" that you see so often in the entertainment media. So I am very happy to be able to reconnect with my son and help him in his time of need. He will also be able to help me.

He has already inspired me to rededicate my efforts to my goals; weight loss, exercise, and continuing education. He's going back to college to earn his degree. It is an outside catalyst that I can wrap my mind around and give myself a push. I love him so much. I want to be around when HE becomes a grandfather! To my health!

CONCLUSION
Young couples and parents don't realize when they make a baby that that child is your child for life. They never leave your life. They may go out on their own, but they come back...they always come back, for good or bad...they are of your body, your blood, your soul. They have their own problems and have to find their own solutions. You can be there to help, if asked. We can learn as much from them as we can teach them, maybe more.

And they can be there, to show you that there is always hope. Hope for better days, better health, a better life. I am so thankful to have him. He is my family.

DAY ONE: SEX & PIZZA

PREFACE
Today is the first day of my goal of losing 50lbs in 70 days. I did well in planning what I was going to do today before I even got out of bed. But somehow, it didn't work out as planned...it was better!

STORY
I lay in bed and plan out how my day will be, how it will go along, and what I will do or accomplish. I repeat my list of 5 goals, then get out of bed. I text'd my married lover/handyman asking when he can come by and install my kitchen faucet (and take care of MY plumbing at the same time...after all, IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE I'VE HAD SEX!). To my delight, he text's back that he will be here in an hour...YAY! I take care of a few things online, pay a bill or two, check dating sites for communications (more on that later) and then step into the shower to tweak my shaved status and get all clean for him.

WS arrives just as I finish blow drying my hair...I'm still wrapped in a big towel, which turns him on immediately. We kiss and caress and strip each other down...then I lead him to my bedroom and we spend the next 90 minutes or so having vigorous, delicious sex. I swear it gets better every time. Afterwards, WS massages my neck, shoulders, and back...which was also delicious. Then he asked me to sit up and he talked me through some healing methods to help my lower back. As we sat naked, cross-legged, facing each other...he said that I had an incredibly strong aura that he felt right away. (He's a Christian Scientist...very spiritual, self-healing, metaphysical, etc....) We got into the shower and enjoyed the water and each other's bodies for a short time and then went to work on the kitchen faucet. Went to Home Depot for parts and came back to finish. We enjoy each other's company and talk about everything (his wife and kids, who I'm dating, my family, art, movies, etc...). He may be moving back to NY and if that happens, I will miss him greatly.

I hadn't eaten anything all day, so I ordered pizza from Domino's. WS had to leave before it was delivered. I ate 6 pieces of a medium cheese pizza.

CONCLUSION
So my exercise for today: 90 minutes of vigorous sex (489 calories burned)
Food intake: Pizza (960 cal.) and ice cream (270 cal.)

A great start to my goal!

JOY, HEALTH & PROSPERITY IN THE NEW YEAR

PREFACE
I rented two 'chick flicks' for free from the REDBOX movie rentals (had a code from a freebies site). Made myself a yummy dinner of baked a Teriyaki chicken, steamed broccoli & carrots. Vegged out in front of the television and awaited the New Year.

STORY
I am comfortable with being alone for New Year's Eve. I didn't want to go out to celebrate and then have to drive myself home. The roads are too risky on this particular night of the year. Drunk drivers are still causing holiday tragedy and I didn't want to be a part of it.

BB was involved in a 'sweat lodge' experience for his bringing in of the new year. My sister couldn't afford to have a party and neither could I. I'm not yet involved enough with my neighbors to be invited to any festivities within walking distance. So I enjoyed my own company and two very funny movies too.

CONCLUSION
I watched THE UGLY TRUTH & GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST. Both could be considered to be DATE movies and tolerable by men, but I enjoyed looking at the gorgeous leading men as a bonus to the movies themselves being entertaining. Just goes to show you what a good girlfriend I will make some deserving guy. I don't force 'chick flicks' on my man.

But I can't help but think there was a man out there, either alone or reluctantly at a party...without me...when we could have been together, enjoying the night & the new hope of a better year...sealed with a kiss at midnight. What a chance he missed! Here's hoping his luck improves and he finds me. Happy New Year and the best to All in 2010!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! HAPPY THURSDAY

PREFACE
This was a first for me. I am alone on Thanksgiving Day. For as long as I can remember, I have been around family or friends on this day. Today, it's just another Thursday! but I did give thanks.

STORY
It's not that I didn't have anywhere to go, or I could have made my own dinner and invited one or more to it. For the past 28 years, I have been going to my sister's house for T-day. This year she decided not to cook, partially due to an accident she had in her SUV five days prior, part due to tight finances (not surprising with the economy today), and part due to fewer attendees. I'm 140 miles away but would have driven to celebrate with them had she cooked. My son has issues with attending anymore, due to a falling out last Christmas. That left my sister and her son, and their friends (many either already committed to other places or out-of-town).

Thanksgiving use to be the 'opening celebration' to the coming holiday season...Christmas, Hanakkah, and New Years...and in the past there had been as many as 24 people attending the dinner at Toni's. Everyone helped by bringing covered dishes, wine, desserts, appetizers...doing dishes, carving the turkey...pitching in and making it a community effort. Christmas dinner was much the same, except that there were always more Jews than Christians attending. We mused at the irony. My husband and lots of our friends were Jewish.

Things have changed a lot since my husband, George, died seven years ago. Children grow up, friends grow apart, and the loss of family and 'family of friends' has taken a toll on tradition. I have been in a constant state of change for seven years and I feel very good about it, about where it is leading me and where I want it to lead me.

CONCLUSION
Tradition is a wonderful thing but you can't let it dictate your happiness. I am thankful for each and every day I wake up and I'm given another chance for joy and happiness. I am thankful to be who I am and where I am right now. I am thankful to know that I have the love and support of family and friends. I am thankful for the journey I am on and the discoveries I have made and will make. When we need tradition, we can have it or make new ones. Life is a journey, not a destination. Change is inevitable and necessary for growth. You can let it happen to you or you can take charge of the direction. I choose to take control. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

JOINED eHARMONY AGAIN!!

PREFACE
I can't explain it and after the post in October. I really haven't gotten any good results and feel that it's good money thrown after bad, but I still became a paying member AGAIN! $20/month for three months, then if I want to continue (to be a masochist), it costs $30/mo. RIGHT! Like I want to pay MORE not to find someone right for me. Please! Someone...stop the bleeding (of my wallet) before I join again!

STORY
So I had just gotten over the FREE WEEKEND in October when eHarmony allowed free communication for six days! The longest I can ever recall them doing without their "money grubbing." I don't begrudge them a profit but I'm sure they are all millionaires many times over. I just don't understand their need for greed while lying through their teeth that they are so concerned about their clients and matching 'like' people so that they are lifelong relationships, and blah, blah, blah.... Anyway, back to my experience...this time...

As soon as I paid for my membership, the matches slowed down to a trickle. I was getting 4-6 matches a day while NOT paying. Now I'm getting an average of 2 per day. I had a backlog of over 40 matches clogging my match page, so I spent hours going through them to review, decide to eliminate or contact, and then close out those I wasn't interested in or who had never replied to my contact. About 2% of the matches were no longer on the site...deleted by management or themselves.

Yes, there are some sleazy men who will pay $60/month or more to entice unsuspecting women into their schemes. Some have multiple profiles and many different approaches. This is not exclusive to eHarmony but the money invested makes these slime particularly reprehensible. These are men that never learned the basic lessons in kindergarten. Run! do not walk, to the nearest lighted area, where there are crowds, and policemen!

So I've been paying now since Friday and I had a backlog of matches to go through. I hadn't checked my profile or matches since before Halloween so I had about 40 new matches and 20 older ones, varying from old to really old ("why are you hanging on to the hope that he will ever check his profile again?" kind of old). It took me several hours to go through and review each match, decide to communicate or to close out the match, or to NUDGE them one more time since I was a paying member again. You can't see each other's pictures if one of you isn't a paying member. So you can flirt (Icebreakers they call them on eHarmony) but no pics, no controlled communication, no nothing. Kind of like waving back at someone on a passing train.

So now I could see pictures along with reading their profile. I reject for sparsity of words. I mean come on! a man could spend more than 5 minutes to fill out his profile if he were really looking for something meaningful. I reject for golfers...but that's just me (already been widowed once, thank you). I reject for distance most of the time, unless the profile is really outstanding...and then the picture is attractive to me...I will make an exception here and there. I am spiritual and in touch with my concept of a higher power, but will reject a man who is steeped in dogma (organized religion can be used as an excuse to control...and I really run away from control freaks!).

CONCLUSION
So now I've weeded through 60-70 profiles, some in review of previous interest which now has a picture to enhance (or not) the chemistry of my interest. I have 9 left that I have communicated to; one of which has communicated once with me and I, twice with him. Awaiting a reply. Thank goodness this is not the only dating service I use. I can't imagine myself as I was in the beginning, almost 7 years ago, sticking to only one service, one method and letting it drain my wallet dry. I have two other services that are free from which I get lots of opportunities. More on them in a later post. I'm giving it one more try. What's $20/month? Two trips to the movie theater? one dinner out? I remain...the eternal optimist :)

eHARMONY SUCKS!!

PREFACE
This is my opinion so there is no reason for legal action. It is my experience that with all it's hype and extreme advertising budget, eHarmony sucks as a dating service. They will have you believe that because you go through an "extensive" psychological profile questionaire, that you will have much more success in finding "a true match" on their site. And when you have paid your money (one of the MOST expensive online dating site fees) and nothing happens, they tell you that it takes time to find the right match FOR YOU. Here is my experience with eHarmony. I hope it helps you or that you can identify and sympathize.

STORY
In a (fairly) quick check back into my closed matches from eHarmony, my preliminary start date with them seems to have been August 13th, 2003. That would have been the date I filled out the psychological questionaire to give them a good idea of who I am and who I'm looking for as a match. Since then, they have sent me 2100+ matches...NONE of which I have met! I have gotten to the open communication stage with a few and have spoken on the phone with approximately three (3). In six (6) years of on again, off again membership...not one face-to-face meeting. I have had full membership on several occasions and have taken advantage of the "free communication" weekends they have been offering during the past year. Nothing! Nada! Zilch!
MOST EXPENSIVE
They charge $59.95 for one month! The most expensive service online at the moment, if you don't count the personal service companies with dating counselors/coaches who work with you one-on-one. The cheapest they get is $19.95/mon. if you pay a year in advance. They will also run specials of 3 months @ $59.95 (which works out to approx. $20/mo. and is comparable to other online dating services and they have recently allowed the payments to be taken out monthly over the three month period, instead of all at once...nice, considering the economy).
LEAST SUCCESSFUL
Just as an example of the success rate, I spent 90 minutes today just clearing my NEW matches. Their system of reviewing your matches is way too time consuming. I have filters on who they are suppose to send me as matches, and they don't even pay attention to my preferences.

They pride themselves on a 'guided' system of communication to protect their members and make sure that both parties are 'right' for each other before they are 'allowed' to communicate directly. This system was modified a couple of years ago to include the option to "Fast Track" the communications between matches, IF both were paying members and both agreed to immediate contact. You cannot see a non-paying member's photos, nor contact a non-paying member other than 'Icebreakers' which consist of a short list of common contact phrases which can be shared for free...ONCE...between two members. So if you are paying your $60, you can't contact someone who isn't paying. And you have to be very vigilant during the 'free contact' weekends to get through the long arduous process of sending questions back and forth to get to the 'open communication' step. (That is if you haven't figured out how to put contact information into the open-ended response section...Hopefully, nobody at eHarmony will read this and close THAT loophole.)

Has anyone noticed that the couples they show in the commercials for eHarmony have wedding dates that are several years ago? Are they still together? Anybody gotten married as a result of meeting through eHarmony in the last two years?? It's all very suspicious.

CONCLUSION
I have had my profile on eHarmony for over six (6) years and haven't met one man face-to-face. I have met many men from other online dating sites...some that charge, some that are free. The MOST the others charge is $24.95...even for the MILLIONAIRE dating sites! My guess is that the membership fees are so expensive to pay for the huge advertising budget.

I would really like to hear from any online daters out there who have met anyone through eHarmony!! Please, send me your story! Anyone? even if it didn't progress past a face-to-face meeting or a second date...anyone?!

A WHOLE LOTTA LOVIN'

PREFACE
Wednesday was like any other day. I had gotten up around noon, started working on my self improvement program. Did laundry, trimmed some bushes, cleaned out the catbox, then decided to make some dinner before settling down to watch one of the three new movies I'd received in the mail. When there was a knock at the front door.

STORY
It was my married lover, dropping by to see me. He'd been on an errand to the airport in Orlando and had some time to come by and spend with me. I was thrilled. My dinner was ready so I loaded up my plate and sat down with WS. He talked while I ate and NCIS was on for background noise. (WS doesn't watch much TV, so he wasn't familiar with the show.) I could care less if the TV is on or not, I just like the background noise sometimes, and I really do enjoy the show (though I've seen all the episodes now, from all the seasons). After I finished eating, he took my plate and put it in the sink (I'm just not use to being pampered, but it IS a wonderful thing). He came back in the living room and said he would have to go soon. He knelt down in front of me, and I spread my legs to bring him in closer, to hug and kiss him. He ran his hands up under my shirt and pulled me closer to the edge of the couch. I unbuckled his pants and we coupled (since I don't wear underware most of the time...it was an irresistable turn on for him). It was a wonderful and unexpected pleasure. I can get use to a regular sex life!

CONCLUSION
Always be open to the unexpected pleasures of life. Savor and enjoy them for what they are. We all are given the same 24 hours, it's just some of us are enjoying it more than others.

REVELLING IN THE AFTERGLOW

I am still floating in the afterglow of a mutually satisfying sexual encounter. BT arrived at my door on Monday at 5PM. We hadn't seen each other since May 12th, when we spent 90 minutes together (a much shorter time than originally planned). Before that we had not been together for two years. So you can understand why I am still glowing after our 17 hours we spent together this week!

We kissed and said hello and after a short tour of my new home, we went back to my bedroom and got naked. BT and I have a powerful sexual attraction for each other and for the next three hours we had sex three times, with short naps in between for him. The sex is so good and intense. The naps were understandable since he HAD just put his three children (all in college) on a plane to Boston after spending the week in Orlando with them and drove 2 hours to get to me. We cuddled and he told me about a shake up at work, about his refusal to sign a new contract, and plans to leave and start his own company. All this to happen in the next week or so. I realized that if this relationship is to move forward, I will have to visit the Santo Domingo (DR) and see for myself why he loves it there so much. He has no intension of moving back to the states to live (at least at this point in his life).

We ordered pizza and watched THE WATCHMEN DVD which he had with him and I had not seen as yet. It was an interesting "comic book" movie done in the dark, violent tradition of SIN CITY and set in the 1980s (as much as I could tell). It was a very long movie but enjoyable. This one had some of everything in it; love story, chop-socky 'matrix' fight scenes, good pyrotechnics, flawed heroes galore, and a little humor here and there. BT fell asleep while we held hands watching the movie. At midnight we went to bed, naked and spooning...mmm, such a lovely way to sleep, that is if I did sleep, which I didn't much. Sex is easy, sleeping together isn't. BT does not snore very loudly, thankfully, but I'm just not use to sleeping with anyone anymore. But even in sleeplessness, I love to hear him breathe and listen to the low rumble of his snoring. It's comforting, knowing that no bears will attack (LOL).

I had set the alarm for 6AM to get some "morning wood" action and though his flesh was willing with a little hand work from me, he would not wake up enough to have sex. I accepted defeat for the moment and rolled over with my back to him...as he rolled over to spoon and envelop me with him strong arms. I dozed for a while until I felt his "flesh" becoming aroused all by itself (which is one of the BEST ways to be awakened in my book). We had sex for the fourth time and after his finish, I said, "OK, my turn. Do you want to watch me cum?" He said an enthusiastic YES! and I got out my new toy (a finger vibrator). He had orgasmed four times and not once for me, as I need direct stimulation. He spooned up behind me, touching me, kissing/biting my neck/ears...after about 20 minutes, I asked him to give me his oral attention, at which he is exceedingly good. Then after 20 more minutes, I became too overstimulated, feeling my blood pressure rise and hyperventilating, so I asked him to stop so I could rest. It is the best you can feel without actually having an orgasm. As soon as I had recovered a normal heart rate and breathing, I brought out my other new toy...the Relentless Rabbit. An improvement over the original and it did the trick within 15 minutes...with BT giving much attention to my body. He was quite happy to see me orgasm (as was I!). He then asked for oral attention from me as he knows I am glad to give him a happy ending. I enjoy it almost as much as he does. We cuddled some more and then took a shower together (another great level of intimacy for us). Then all too soon, it was time for him to go.

17 hours of bliss. As he walked towards his rental in the driveway, I told him "I love you"...he said "Love you too." That was the first time we'd said it since he arrived. Words do not speak as loudly as actions, nor the way someone makes you feel. I can live with that for now.

5 TIPS TO WRITING FIRST CONTACT EMAILS

I received this first contact email today:
(This is copied & pasted exactly as sent except for personal information.)

Hello pretty,
I was surfing through profiles after a longtime on this site and i came across your picture,it attracted me so i stopped and decided to read your profile and wow,your profile is just as great as your picture itself.What a beauty!You definitely got your appearance so attracting and appealing.Nobody is gonna skip your profile without sending you a message.I can see sincerity in your eyes.
You look far younger than your age.Is what you have on this site a correct statement of your age?Well for once i thought," hey dare not try contacting her because a pretty lady of this type is already seriously dating'' but again I decided to give it a shot by sending you an email as there is no harm in trying. I really will like to hear back from you so i get to know you more.u can email me on xxxxxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com or we can talk on yahoo im, also you can leave your number so that i can call you if you don't mind. .hope to hear from you soon bye
Pxxxxxx

What is wrong with this? Nothing, you say? If you can't see it, then you've probably been writing emails like this or worse. It shows the deterioration of the English language skills and letter writing in this country. Run together sentences, improper grammar, and that doesn't even address the content! Just because it's email doesn't mean you should ignore proper form. A woman will be impressed with a man's intelligence in the way he expresses himself. (Apologies to those who are immigrants but, LEARN THE LANGUAGE!)

5 STEPS TO WRITING FIRST CONTACT EMAILS:

1) Open your email with a salutation and end with a signature, i.e. Dear XXXX, or use their ID or something romantic (Beautiful Lady, Dear Venus, etc...). Once you know a woman's real name, address her by it...Dear Jill, Dear Vanessa, or just Vanessa. And please end it with a closing and your signature (name). "Awaiting your reply, John" "Ciao, Eric" "Have a blessed day, Robert" so that she can address you in her reply.

2) Compliments should be sincere, used sparingly, and be creative. DO NOT SAY: "You have a great body." "You are so hot!" "Hot and sexy!" These short, one line compliments are no better than construction workers whistling and cat-calling at a girl passing by. They are offensive, not compliments, when given to a total stranger. It would be better to tell a woman that she has classic beauty, or that she reminds you of someone you had a crush on, or that your life would be improved if you knew her better. Don't gush. Give one or two compliments and move on.

3) Try to get a reaction. Intrigue her, make her laugh, express something about you or your life that you think she might share an interest, tell her about an activity that would be so much more fun if you did it together (not sex! not this soon). If nothing comes to mind, ask questions about what she's into...READ HER PROFILE! Don't just look at the pictures.

4) Thank her for noticing you. "Thanks for taking the time to read my email." "Thanks for looking at my profile. There is so much more that I didn't include." "I can understand if you aren't interested in me romantically but if you need a friend to talk to, I'm here." You can never have enough friends. And sometimes, good friendships turn into great romances.

5) Answer her email promptly. If you can't answer right away, send a short note letting her know that. "Thank you for your email. Things are hectic right now. Will write more soon." and then make the time to answer her. If she's interested in getting to know you better, don't rush into more intimate contact; like giving her every possible way to contact you all at once. Ask if she'd like to message in real time (instant messaging) or would she prefer to talk on the phone. Then let her ask for your information. If her reply says she's not interested, see #4.

I have noticed men rush into phone contact or meeting face to face, putting pressure on the relationship before it even starts. Some men can't type. Let a woman know that or LEARN TO TYPE FASTER! Women are word-based, men are visual-based. Learn to invest some time in expressing yourself, listening, and getting to know a woman as a person. If all you want is sex, then asking every woman you're attracted to if they want to have sex will get you some eventually (just by sheer percentages) but it won't be something you can count on. Establishing conversation and mutual interest will have a woman coming back for more.

HELPING FAMILY

While I was in Orlando (between the great sex and showering together) I got a phone call on my cellphone. I answered it only because I get so few calls that I figured it must be important coming from my sister. She was calling to ask my help in moving her classroom. The conversation was short enough that I didn't feel it necessary to tell her she interrupted an intimate moment. I told her I'd drive down to Ft. Lauderdale and help her pack up, sort through, and throw away what was necessary to get her moved from her art room that serviced 800 students/week to her new classroom for 20 second graders next year.

Toni has been teaching elementary art for 16 years at the same school. She got her degree later in life after 30 years as an independent sign painter. Three days after receiving her diploma, she was hired to teach art in an elementary school with 800 students. This year the Broward County School System (South Florida) decided to eliminate art from elementary schools and therefore, eliminating her job. She compensated by immediately getting certified to teach elementary ed to K-3 and will be teaching 2nd grade next year. She saved her employment, her paycheck, and her retirement in four years. She shouldn't have had to do this and this is wrong on so many levels.

Art has more uses than any other subject that is taught. It allows a break from the increasing academic pressures while giving kids an outlet for their creativity. Problem-solving and logic are the core of artistic projects. Students learn about science, math, history, and language incorporated into art classes. They are taught responsibility and conservation (of materials) in art class. There is a special family bond that is formed in an art class (between students and between students and teachers). I lament on what kind of children we will be graduating from elementary school without art. A little less beauty in the world. Fewer sparks of innovation and more creative minds repressed. A large percentage of children that don't do well in math, science, or history, blossom in art, music, performing arts, or creative writing. These are just as important as academic subjects.

Everything we see and buy has been created by an artist. When will the politicians in charge of the money realize art is necessary?! When will artists and educators not have to defend the need for art and not have to fight or beg for every dime that goes for art education??? The family of man will always need to express itself through art.

MINI VACATION

Does it get any better than this? I have a hotel room in Boca Raton with a balcony overlooking the inlet, two double beds, wifi internet, free valet parking, pool and hot tub. There's a cafe' in the lobby and a restaurant on the top floor with dinner and dancing. They're bringing my breakfast at 9:45AM ($11). The room cost me $30/night!! for two nights. I'm down in the Ft. Lauderdale area doing errands and for two dances, one in WPB (Friday night) and one in Boca (Saturday night). And I stopped by my sister's to wish her a happy birthday.

I will get up and eat breakfast on the balcony in the cool morning breeze. Take a stroll along the dock and then take a dip in the pool. There's a couple of small boats that I bet take you out on the water for a tour of some kind. I could have a swedish massage before luncheon in the cafe'. Go shopping and get something stunning to wear at the dance tonight at the Pavillon. Meet T there (new online dating contact) and suggest that we come back here to have dinner and dancing, more intimate and easier to talk. Or not. It would make it easier for me to be cajoled into letting him into my hotel room and seducing me into having sex. He's a CAR SALESMAN! To be any good at it you have to have charm, powers of persuasion, and be a good liar (say anything to close the deal!). I am hoping he doesn't confirm my worst suspicions. I kinda like him. Should I make him promise that we have to have X amount of dates before we have sex? 20 was the number in The 40 Year Old Virgin. I'm not a virgin. I've been married twice and raised a son and a stepdaughter. Haven't had mutually satisfying sex in almost two years, haven't had a stiff cock in five weeks...(I have a problem with insisting on my orgasm okay?...I know...I'm workin' on it!). I do not want to have sex on the first date, even if I want to have sex. (It's not fair that I have to deny my urges because men can't respect a woman who has urges just like they do.)

Meanwhile, I have all this luxury and no one with which to share it.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

What does this mean? Does it happen when you go out with a guy and realize that he's never going to be husband material? or he likes you but doesn't think you're girlfriend material?...so your relationship falls into the friend category. Or did you start out as friends? Maybe you were seeing a friend of this friend and met that way. However you met, you're now just friends. Then you have sex, and it was good, not great, but good. Now what? Friends With Benefits?

I can only relate my stories. And from my experience, there is no such thing as "friends with benefits." It's a phrase used by men to get sex. Period. They don't want the obligation of friendship to get in the way of getting sex. They just want all benefits. This is the main reason NOT to have sex with a man on the first date. Or NOT to start a relationship with a booty call. UNLESS...you are honest at the start of the relationship and tell the man that all you want is sex. Make sure you get your orgasm first, EVERY TIME! Use condoms! Experiment all you want, be adventurous...have sex and send him home. Don't expect anything else. If he doesn't call you to say how wonderful it was, or that he misses you, or if the next time you talk, he doesn't care what's happened in between...this relationship is just sex.

I'm an intelligent, mature woman, who was widowed at 46 after a 20 year marriage to my soul mate. We had an amazing sex life and we were best friends. THAT is friends with benefits!

CATCHING UP IS HARD TO DO

It's the fourth day already of the 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge and I'm two days behind already. First day was to create an elevator pitch for my blog. Well I did that. It's up there at the top of the page. This blog is about everything...and nothing...depending on what day you read it. I figure if "NOTHING" content was good enough to have SEINFELD run for 9 years, it's good enough for me. But I do cover everything eventually.

I also have to explain that I have two other blogs that are very honest and very explicit in expressing the events in my life and my feelings. So when this challenge required me to concentrate on one blog, I picked the tamest one to expand upon. Sorry if this makes my starting point somewhat dull, but as I learn, I will spice it up some and drop some censorship. My other blogs are more like a "no holds barred" diary and could cause problems in my relationships with my friends and family.

There will also be a lot of personal information and experiences in online and real life dating and relationships. Helpful hints that I've learned and resources both in print and online.

Let the adventure begin!