CLEAR THE CLUTTER!

PREFACE
As the last spring full moon ushers in Summer, my thoughts turn to cleaning. It is not officially summer until June, but my spring cleaning is not yet done. This is both literal and figurative. I have been clearing out clutter in my life and in the space in which I live. Clutter can slow your thinking, your progress forward, and the beneficial chi that flows through your home. This was inspired by one of my daily emails from a Feng Shui site, which I believe has enhanced my life.

STORY
Clutter has several catagories but for the sake of brevity we'll divide clutter into four; Emotional, Mental, Physical, and Spiritual. I will address each from two perspectives; Figurative (F) and Literal (L).

Emotional Clutter:
(F) Choose three (3) things that you no longer need, use, or love and give them to someone who will do all of those things. You will clear out some stuck energies.
(L) Review your relationships and be honest with your emotional health. If there is (are) any that are more of a drain than benefit, think seriously of distancing yourself. Choose to be around those that cause you joy.

Mental Clutter:
(F) Things that are untidy or disorganized scramble the brain. Organize one drawer today.
(L) Thoughts that are destructive or counter-productive that invade your good spirits are mental clutter. Negative thoughts, instead of positive thoughts, stated over and over become reality. The only way to break the cycle is to believe that what we think, we are. Practice three positive thoughts a day, when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Think about what you want to change and then believe that it is changed. Have confidence in your ability to be in control of your life.

Physical Clutter:
(F) Get rid of one thing causing physical clutter that may also cause reciprocal restrictions in your body. Opening up your living space can give you 'breathing' room.
(L) Make a plan to improve one thing about your physical health in the next month, be it increasing exercise by 15 minutes a day or an hour a week or replacing something in your diet with fresh, organic instead. Take a walk around the block, ride your bike, or go for a swim. Being out in the sun for 15 minutes per day can lift your spirits and improve your health. Eating one meal every other day that is prepared from scratch and fresh ingredients. Do one thing to improve each month.

Spiritual Clutter:
(F) This is unfinished business. Return one email, text, or voicemail today that has been on your 'to do' list in order to plug the energetic drain on your spirit. Write that report, finish that project, fight procrastination today and nourish your sense of accomplishment.
(L) Meditate, listen to an alpha recording, connect with your faith, be still and reflect on your plans. However you clear your soul and experience the oneness of you, take the time to pay attention and realign yourself. Don't let the details of day-to-day living crowd in and overwhelm you. Take time for you.

CONCLUSION
Yes it is very easy to say. Advise is given and it's up to us to use it or continue to be frustrated, disconnected, unhappy, and living a life of quiet desperation. It is up to each individual how your life goes, how your reality unfolds. You can take control or just react to what happens to you. Everyone has the ability to live the life they've always dreamed about, and to be giving and joyful. Clutter is a place to start...after that, there are no limits to the possibilities. Peace & Joy!

STARTS AND STOPS

PREFACE
Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned....it has been two months since my last confession...hahaha. March 4th, I started teaching as an adjunct at the local college and the last class is Thursday. I started selling on Ebay to supplement having my unemployment benefits run out in Feb. I started back at Capella two weeks ago, to repeat my first class that I failed to makeup in the winter term. I started thinking that my dream of operating an Artist's Bed & Breakfast Retreat could finally happen and even found a perfect beachfront house. I stopped my regular trips to Ft. Lauderdale (280 miles roundtrip). I stopped hoping to have regular sex with BB.

STORY
I have had little time to gather my thoughts and get back to any kind of a routine. The teaching job came along after three different applications for jobs at the college; but this one was for something that I had proven experience in and they had a great need. When they called me in initially, I would be starting in June (summer term) because it was so close to the spring semester that I wouldn't have time to prepare. But as it turned out, SURPRISE! I wasn't prepared for the shorter term, the longer class time, nor the general expectations of the course. I had taught it before, but not under these conditions. All in all, I think I did a great job! I am sad to see the semester come to an end, but I'm very encouraged that this will lead to more classes.

The part time teaching job came just in time as my year-long collecting of UE benefits came to an end in mid-February. I applied for food stamps immediately and was approved starting mid-March. As it turned out, I didn't get them until mid-April due to them assuming that I still had my EBT card from FOUR years ago (when I collected for exactly ONE month! and have moved three times since!). Glad I had my tax refund to tide me over or I would have starved for sure. Now they are holding up April's benefit for some unknown reason that will take me days and days to find out. For as much as people complain about public assistance going to those who abuse it...there is so much they don't know about how much you have to go through for a lousy $50/week allotment for food only (no paper products, no toiletries, no prepared ready-to-eat foods, no vitamins or supplements, and many other restrictions). I am very grateful for it.

I started selling again on Ebay. I was shut down in 2008 due to the economy tanking and sales being $0 for three months. My sales couldn't pay my fees, so they shut me down. I have been selling my belongings...anything that will bring in $5 or $10, jewelry, crystal, china, collectibles...all those things you accumulate over the years, things you (think you) cherish until it comes down to being hungry and homeless. These are the times we live in. I have a Bachelor's degree in Graphic Design, four years of college teaching experience, seven years of clerical/administrative experience, and I can't get a job (but I can sell some stuff on Ebay!).

I started again to complete the first course in my Master's online. I have 12 transfer credits from the 68 Master level credits I have earned pursuing two Master's degrees simultaneously last decade (1998-2004). This begins the third week and I'm on target.

I have met a wonderful woman through BB who is experienced in writing grants and setting up non-profit organizations. She has given me lots of information and procedural steps to think about and start the process rolling on my Artist's Retreat. It would benefit the artists who come to learn and create, it would help the local community with attention on culture and increased tourist trade, it would benefit me to be able to teach, it would benefit the economy through airfares, field trips to local sites...there would be many benefits. So much to do!

My 18 yo car is now on borrowed time. My mechanic says, "shoot it and put it out of it's misery." It has been good to me for 18 months and 13,000 miles and for a $700 car, that is phenomenal. So to make sure that it will take me to work and back, I had to stop my long distance trips to Ft. Lauderdale to see my sister and my son (although, my son lived with me for two months in the time that I haven't posted!).

And finally, I came out and asked BB if he wanted to move to the next level in our friendship...that level being Friends With Benefits. He said he wasn't ready for that, he wasn't in a good place to complicate his life with another lover (he already has two, one I didn't know about before I asked). I said that was fine. Our friendship is more important to me than my sexual attraction to him. I've been in this situation before, but at least this time I'm not living in the same house. BB gets me. He thinks the same way as I do, we finish each others' thoughts. We enjoy each others company. If our relationship is meant to be more, it will be, and if not, I'm fine with it the way it is.

CONCLUSION
Starts and stops...beginnings and endings...and sometimes not enough time in the middle to document everything. We start things that we never finish. We start things that go on forever and have no real ending. We finish things with a great feeling of accomplishment. We end things feeling that we failed. Starts and stops. We are born and we die. What happens in between?

Make the most of it!

DAY 39: THE DARK PLACE

PREFACE
It is 5:30AM and I'm still awake. My weight loss goal is on hold. The makeup work for my Incomplete grade is on hold and due in 4 weeks. I have letters to request from former supervising professors. I'm at the end of my unemployment year and awaiting word on my new claim year. Then there's income tax to file and my credit to clean up and a credit score to rescue from the dungeon. 'Tis a dark time & a dark place.

STORY
As you suspect, my sleeping patterns have not returned to any resemblance to normal. I'm still staying up til dawn sometimes and sleeping until early afternoon. I'm lucky to get two good meals out of the day and no exercise. The colder days of February has slowed my "lizard-like" metabolism down to a crawl. Motivation to venture out is almost non-existent.

I'm late-night snacking and not following my life diet very well these days. Ian brought packaged food into the house that had thawed from the transportation lag-time and non-cooler storage of the move from Ft. Lauderdale to Sebastian, FL. He's been back down there three or four times in the past week (having trouble adjusting and letting go...which is understandable, since I went through it too when I first moved up here). This IS the farthest he's ever lived away from his known universe. But this has introduced thawed breaded fish sticks & Swedish meatballs, and ThinMints, and many boxes of cereal into my food storage areas. Things that had to be eaten before they spoiled and I was the only one HOME to eat them.

The bright glow of hope in all this is that I have a part time job starting soon with the local college...teaching graphic design!! I am so thrilled! I have to get the rest of the paperwork in to the HR dept., but it's a done deal. I'll be teaching in Ft. Pierce (30 miles away) and maybe in Vero Beach (14 miles away). I am so happy to back to teaching undergrads and back in academia. I've missed it beyond description.

Tied in with the new teaching job is my pursuit of my Master's degree. I have 4 weeks to makeup the work for a passing grade in my first online class; so I can continue with my second class in April and receive my active loan disbursement & loan deferments.

Timing is everything! This job will come at a time when my UE benefits have run out. The ed loan will come when I need a laptop for work and to pay any minimal income tax owed. My credit score will be improved enough to qualify me to buy this house under a magical first-time buyer program. The weight will start to come off and I will get into the best physical shape of my life.

CONCLUSION
Everything will come together, money will be available to pay everything, and this will be the dawning of a wonderfully enlightened time in my life. Stay tuned...

DAY 19: NEW INSPIRATION

PREFACE
Since Monday, I have made adjustments to the coming change in my life. My son is moving in with me due to his crisis in credit and not being able to rent a place of his own. This has caused him to give notice on a IT job that paid VERY well but was in South Beach in Miami. If he moved in with me, he would have a 3 hour commute to Miami...and NO amount of money is worth that. So this new development in my life has caused me to re-evaluate my daily routine and my goals. It has inspired me to pull myself together and do some things that I have put off, now crucial for the incoming additions to my household. I am THRILLED to have him moving in. I have missed him so much.

STORY
(Short version) Ian is 24 and just got his divorce on January 15th. It was a long time coming and a very stressful, messy affair to extricate himself from, which has dragged on for four years. They were too young to marry but my son felt it was the honorable thing to do after she became pregnant. I have a five year old granddaughter for which he shares custody with her maternal great-grandmother.

He and his soon-to-be wife moved out of my house in 2005. I have missed him terribly since then, only seeing him occasionally because I'm not the nagging, guilt-dispensing typical "mother" that you see so often in the entertainment media. So I am very happy to be able to reconnect with my son and help him in his time of need. He will also be able to help me.

He has already inspired me to rededicate my efforts to my goals; weight loss, exercise, and continuing education. He's going back to college to earn his degree. It is an outside catalyst that I can wrap my mind around and give myself a push. I love him so much. I want to be around when HE becomes a grandfather! To my health!

CONCLUSION
Young couples and parents don't realize when they make a baby that that child is your child for life. They never leave your life. They may go out on their own, but they come back...they always come back, for good or bad...they are of your body, your blood, your soul. They have their own problems and have to find their own solutions. You can be there to help, if asked. We can learn as much from them as we can teach them, maybe more.

And they can be there, to show you that there is always hope. Hope for better days, better health, a better life. I am so thankful to have him. He is my family.

Day 12: 218 AND HOLDING

PREFACE
WEIGH IN: Well I'm relieved to see no weight gain! With all the pizzas and unbalanced meals I consumed over the last two weeks...no weight gain. No weight loss either. I also didn't start my exercise routine of an hour a day. It's been cold/cool but that's no excuse. I have also been keeping vampire hours (going to sleep at dawn and sleeping until 3 or 4PM...What's up with that?). And on top of it all...no sex! for 19 days!

STORY
What happened? Stress...

...no stress relief...My married lover is taking an intense course M-Sat. for green construction practices and it leaves no time for me. I was going to drive down to Miami and get some sex from my boy toy, but the thought of driving 2 1/2 hours and then staying the night in his 3 room efficiency apartment just didn't appeal to me. If I could have afforded a night in a nice hotel, I'd have gone in a heartbeat. If I had REALLY wanted just sex, I could have made arrangements, and it may come to that very soon!

...stress that I put on myself. I was to deliver my painting to the courthouse for public display (public art) on Saturday, January 15th. The art club I belong to exhibits in various locations, and this was one. I had every intention to deliver and hang my huge painting of tree roots with subtle human shapes in them. I LOVE trees. I LOVE photographing trees. I LOVE painting trees. This painting was only under-painted. I had never gone back to finish it. I thought in my mind, "I can get this done this week. Or at least to the point that it can be hung among the other artwork of the art club." Sure. A week to finish a 3' X 4' painting. I think my biggest fear prevented me from finishing it on time. And also contributed to my falling off the 'diet' wagon. I neglected my life diet severely the last two weeks.

My biggest fear is that I will paint some part of a painting and mess it up so bad that I can't fix it. If I don't take the chance of putting my art out there for public criticism, then how will I learn? It's scary. But if I keep my art to myself, then my opinion is the only one I have to worry about. Not a productive attitude. Especially when I WANT to be recognized as a 'real' artist.

CONCLUSION
It was all my own undoing. I guess I just wasn't ready to exhibit. I missed this opportunity but I won't miss the next one. I am painting on my unfinished canvas almost everyday. I'm so use to painting in an inspirational frenzy and then NOT for long periods of time. I have to paint some everyday, even if it's only a square inch!

I have to work on my discipline! Get back to my organic foods, regular meals, regular exercise, regular sleep patterns, and regular sex!! Tomorrow is another day...

DAY TEN: GET BACK ON TRACK

PREFACE
Weigh-in is on Saturday to see if I've lost 10lbs. After 9 days of having 'fallen off the wagon' and not starting my exercise routine...I am still determined to lose 50lbs by March 15th, 2010. I'm very confident that I am moving forward in my efforts.

STORY
The worst breech in my daily effort has been the Domino's pizzas I got and ate all last week. I buy their 3 medium pizzas for $5 each special every two weeks or so. I pig out the night they arrive and then freeze the leftovers for later. Later being the next several days! When I say pig out, I mean 6 or more slices. Now this would be a lot for a large pizza (16") with lots of toppings. But for a medium pizza, with only extra cheese or mushrooms being the added topping, it's not as bad as it sounds. Plus Domino's has started brushing the edge with herbs & garlic, which makes it irresistible. What is it about pizza that is soooo addicting? A friend offered this reason: it's the sugar. Could be...but I'm not giving up sugar! I don't care how much substituting they do, sugar tastes good. I know refined white sugar is bad so I use raw or sugar cane juice sugar instead. I gave up on the chemical sugars because they ARE poison and I don't want them in my body. I avoid white flour like the plague (which is why my addiction to pizza is so WRONG!).

I also made a recipe off the CoolWhip container using the fresh strawberries I bought to make a frozen delight which I used as dessert for 6 days. Each serving was about 300 calories.

CONCLUSION
All in all, I've managed to stay within the 1200-1500 calories/day even though I've been way off in my usual eating habits. The deciding factor in whether I lose this weight is exercise! My intake of calories would barely keep a woman of my height at 150lbs, IF SHE WERE UNDER 40 AND QUITE ACTIVE! I AM NOT THAT STATISTIC. We shall see on Saturday when I weigh in. (And by the way, no sex since last Monday. I would happily use 90 minutes of sex every day for my exercise!!)

DAY TWO: RUNAROUND ERRANDS

PREFACE
Only got 7 hours sleep, 2 hrs less than I NEED every night. Yes...I said it, NEED. I hear from most people that they only need 5-7 hours...they can't sleep any longer than that. Well I say that something is wrong with them. Everybody needs 7 1/2 or more hours of straight, uninterrupted sleep a night. Most don't GET it, but we all NEED it. People convince themselves that they can continue to live on 7 or less hours. Al that does is shorten their lives. Sleep is when our bodies repair themselves, rejuvenate. Besides, I really needed the rest to have the energy for the errands I had to run during the day. AND EAT BREAKFAST FOR GOODNESS SAKES! (I have a protein smoothie of my own design, approx. 400 calories & 3 egg whites with one yolk for color, scrambled. Yum.)

STORY
Today I was going to open a new (local) bank account, but I got to the bank 23 minutes after they closed. The biggest drawback of being a late riser! I did get around to picking up the paint (interior & exterior) that was being given away on Freecycle.com (like craigslist but everything is free...still-usable items given away instead of filling the landfills!...YAY!). It was very cold today so I wanted to pick up the paint before it was effected by the temperatures (40s).

Then it was off to WalMart to rent two movies (for free) from the Redbox kiosk with the FREE promo code I got sent to my email. Once I got home, I downloaded several FREE self-improvement items in video form and watched a couple. I did laundry and snuggled down to watch some TV. Five days into the new year and there is a plethera of diet (fad diets) commercials on every channel, during every show. Yes...they work...for some people....at some times..but ONLY ONCE! BE AWARE! Granted, one of the most common New Year's resolutions is to lose weight, I think even more than 'get in shape' or to quit smoking. (I'll have to check on that.)

CONCLUSION
No exercise today other than running around in the car. Watched the movies I rented. Have to return them by 9PM tomorrow. It is an excuse to get out of the house! Eating healthy, giving YOUR body what it needs specifically, and EXERCISE is the way to losing and maintaining a healthy weight. As you get older, accept the fact that you will either have to reduce your intake or increase your activity to remain the same. You cannot eat like you are 20 when you are 30! and you have to work out MORE to keep from gaining weight...it only gets worse at 40 and above. But you can DO something about it as long as you are healthy and working at it will keep you healthy.

DAY ONE: SEX & PIZZA

PREFACE
Today is the first day of my goal of losing 50lbs in 70 days. I did well in planning what I was going to do today before I even got out of bed. But somehow, it didn't work out as planned...it was better!

STORY
I lay in bed and plan out how my day will be, how it will go along, and what I will do or accomplish. I repeat my list of 5 goals, then get out of bed. I text'd my married lover/handyman asking when he can come by and install my kitchen faucet (and take care of MY plumbing at the same time...after all, IT'S BEEN A MONTH SINCE I'VE HAD SEX!). To my delight, he text's back that he will be here in an hour...YAY! I take care of a few things online, pay a bill or two, check dating sites for communications (more on that later) and then step into the shower to tweak my shaved status and get all clean for him.

WS arrives just as I finish blow drying my hair...I'm still wrapped in a big towel, which turns him on immediately. We kiss and caress and strip each other down...then I lead him to my bedroom and we spend the next 90 minutes or so having vigorous, delicious sex. I swear it gets better every time. Afterwards, WS massages my neck, shoulders, and back...which was also delicious. Then he asked me to sit up and he talked me through some healing methods to help my lower back. As we sat naked, cross-legged, facing each other...he said that I had an incredibly strong aura that he felt right away. (He's a Christian Scientist...very spiritual, self-healing, metaphysical, etc....) We got into the shower and enjoyed the water and each other's bodies for a short time and then went to work on the kitchen faucet. Went to Home Depot for parts and came back to finish. We enjoy each other's company and talk about everything (his wife and kids, who I'm dating, my family, art, movies, etc...). He may be moving back to NY and if that happens, I will miss him greatly.

I hadn't eaten anything all day, so I ordered pizza from Domino's. WS had to leave before it was delivered. I ate 6 pieces of a medium cheese pizza.

CONCLUSION
So my exercise for today: 90 minutes of vigorous sex (489 calories burned)
Food intake: Pizza (960 cal.) and ice cream (270 cal.)

A great start to my goal!

KEEPING IT TOGETHER WHILE LOSING IT

PREFACE
Tomorrow is the first day of my goal to lose 50lbs in 10 weeks. I was inspired by watching The Diet Tribe on cable. Five women friends that vowed to lose 50lbs in four months and then compete in a triathalon. I know that I can do better than they did for several reasons.

STORY
I know that I don't have the issues these women had, I have a whole set of different issues to deal with, and I will. None of these women were over 40 years old. They had a personal trainer to instruct them and ride their asses. They were getting paid to do this project so they could afford the healthy foods. I know what it feels like to lose 50lbs and to exercise routinely producing a healthy, fit body. I remember what that feels like and I will feel that again.

I will be documenting my progress with what works for me. If this inspires anyone to try what I do/did and see if it works for them, more power to you. I am of the opinion that each person is unique and what works for me, may not work for you, and vice versa. I have tried many 'diets' and 'magic pills' and 'food plans'...all for naught. My healthy eating habits (life diet) which I have developed over the past six years have not helped me lose weight, but have maintained my weight while my activity has decreased drastically. I have become a 'lump' on the couch or I sit for hours in front of the computer. I need to greatly increase my activity level...in other words, "start working my ass off!" to achieve my weight-loss goal. I will be reporting what I eat and how I've exercised, my hits and misses, stress management, and inspiration.

CONCLUSION
If I am consuming 1200-1500 calories a day and not exercising, I cannot expect to lose weight. My body has become comfortable on reduced caloric intake. It has become comfortable at this weight and now I must make it uncomfortable. I have to use up more calories than I take in, not an easy task. My goal is at least one hour of vigorous exercise a day, with some yoga (new to me) thrown in. Ready, Set...Go!

JOY, HEALTH & PROSPERITY IN THE NEW YEAR

PREFACE
I rented two 'chick flicks' for free from the REDBOX movie rentals (had a code from a freebies site). Made myself a yummy dinner of baked a Teriyaki chicken, steamed broccoli & carrots. Vegged out in front of the television and awaited the New Year.

STORY
I am comfortable with being alone for New Year's Eve. I didn't want to go out to celebrate and then have to drive myself home. The roads are too risky on this particular night of the year. Drunk drivers are still causing holiday tragedy and I didn't want to be a part of it.

BB was involved in a 'sweat lodge' experience for his bringing in of the new year. My sister couldn't afford to have a party and neither could I. I'm not yet involved enough with my neighbors to be invited to any festivities within walking distance. So I enjoyed my own company and two very funny movies too.

CONCLUSION
I watched THE UGLY TRUTH & GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST. Both could be considered to be DATE movies and tolerable by men, but I enjoyed looking at the gorgeous leading men as a bonus to the movies themselves being entertaining. Just goes to show you what a good girlfriend I will make some deserving guy. I don't force 'chick flicks' on my man.

But I can't help but think there was a man out there, either alone or reluctantly at a party...without me...when we could have been together, enjoying the night & the new hope of a better year...sealed with a kiss at midnight. What a chance he missed! Here's hoping his luck improves and he finds me. Happy New Year and the best to All in 2010!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

PREFACE
I'm driving down to my sister's to celebrate Christmas with her. We are both in dire straits for money, so this year is all about family and not about presents at all. Giving of ourselves, our company, our good cheer...so much more important than spending money we don't have.

STORY
I spent last night and this morning baking cookies to bring with me and to give to BB and my son. I called BB and said that I would be passing by on my way to Ft. Lauderdale and wanted to 'hand-off' something for him, for Christmas. (BB does his present shopping the day after xmas. I'd heard about people that do...never knew one before.) We met near the entrance to the turnpike at the Steak 'n' Shake and I gave him the container of cookies for him and his son to enjoy. (The cookie containers are round like hat boxes, covered in red felt with a black sparkle belt midway around the bottom of the container...making it look like Santa's middle. Great boxes!) BB gave me a wonderful hug and we talked for about 20 minutes, then off I went.

I texted my son on my cellphone as I drove along the Florida Turnpike at 80 mph. Shorthand & to the point...trying to meet up with him to deliver his cookie container. (Yes, it's not safe to do...but there was nobody on the road practically & I'm quite good at touch typing...I know, no excuse!!) I finally got him to agree to come out and get the cookies when I arrived at his roommates' parents' house and respectfully declined an invite to come in and meet everybody. I was already running late (it was about 8PM now and I'd told Toni I would be there by 8). My son is doing well right now...got his divorce finally!...working for a hot-shot in Miami as IT support (lots of perks and contacts)...and has embraced the idea of meditation and manifestation, which is working wonders in his life. Many hugs...then off I go.

I finally arrived at Toni's house after a stop at the grocery store (just before they closed for xmas eve). Toni had told me she was glad I was coming down because I was so upbeat and cheery, and she needed some of that. It has become more difficult for her to love teaching since they forced her to be a second grade teacher instead of the art teacher she'd been for 16 years. We watched movies and talked until way after midnight.

CONCLUSION
I got up on Christmas morning and made breakfast. It was relaxed and we all had a comfortable feeling. My nephew and his roommate were coming at 5PM for dinner. There was no rush to get everything cooked and prepared. Plus, at the last minute of checking my email before I had left last night, I got an offer for four free tickets to the Improv. So I was taking everybody to the comedy club for Christmas night. As it turned out, James and Heather couldn't go, so I invited my son to join us. We had a wonderful time and laughed a lot. Family, laughter, good food...what more can you ask for? Merry Christmas to All!

CHRISTMAS EVE-EVE

PREFACE
As Christmas draws near, I reflect on being alone. I've recently met a very special, sweet guy, BB. He and I are taking it very slow. We are being friends. We talk on the phone several times a week for more than the average time you would expect, considering that most men aren't as verbal as women. BB likes to talk.

STORY
We met through an online community and started emailing back and forth for several months. That progressed to a first phone call (which lasted over 2 hours!) which happened about six weeks ago. Then we met for lunch a month ago, with him driving to me (35 miles) and a very enjoyable time getting to know each other.

BB is divorced (12 years), has a 19 yo son who lives with him, and he has trust issues with women (due to his mother's alcoholism). So I understand his approach to this new relationship. He is very spiritual in the same sense as I am, which makes it very easy for us to talk about many subjects. There has been no intimate contact other than some real good hugging and some hand-holding in the movie last night. The hand-holding was very comfortable and endearing. We had gone to see the new movie AVATAR which besides being a feast for the eyes (3-D version highly recommended!), was enjoyable on many levels including carrying an important message to humanity...or in other words, very spiritual. We both enjoyed it immensely because we were there with each other. It is a slight disappointment to view a movie, even if it's entertaining, with someone who doesn't enjoy it (either the movie or the movie experience) regardless of how much you enjoy being together. I may have found my new movie buddy.

CONCLUSION
In my search for companionship in all it's incarnations, I seem to be making progress. I am not a serial dater and prefer to find all that I need in one man, but barring that, I will settle for finding all that I need in several men. This does not mean that I will be having sex with several men, but it might mean that I will be dating and having sex with more than one man.

How many men out there could accept that if they knew? How many men have done the same while dating several women? I also wonder how many men WOULD want to know?

I know that BB is dating another woman and calls her 'his girlfriend' for the moment. He is not happy with the relationship and wants to end it, but not before the holidays (wouldn't be NICE to breakup with her before Christmas). It's all in what you can live with, I guess.

My wishes for all you out there trying to find someone special is that you be grateful for whatever joy comes your way and eliminate that which causes you discomfort or unhappiness. Greet everyday as the BEST day of your life and joy will fill your days. Do what you love to do and someone special will find you. Imagine you have the life you want and your life will become your dream. Peace & Joy, Health & Happiness...Merry Christmas to ALL!!

RETURN OF THE MARRIED MAN

PREFACE
In previous posts I have spoken about the affair I am having with a married man. I have no illusions about it. We discussed the situation before becoming intimate. There will be no romantic love or commitment demands from either of us. Realistically, if love should happen, we are adult enough to know that nothing will come of it. We enjoy each other in the here and now.

STORY
He went out of the USA to have some dental work done in his home country (for about 10% of what it would cost here and by a renowned specialist). It turned out that his surgery will be more complicated than first suspected and he has to return in 3 months to complete it, so he came back to the USA 10 days early. I had not seen him in a month. I had really missed him on all levels, physically, intellectually, and emotionally. We talk about a great many subjects and connect on a spiritual level in our beliefs. I know that he has other women that he is intimate with but I don't have to know who or how many, and I don't ask. I do know that he has not had sex with his wife in four months and that she is suspicious of him cheating on her. (I think that would be a 'given' if she does not want to have sex with him.)

He (WS) finally came over to see me. We kissed and embraced as lovers will after a long separation. Our clothes fell off right there ten steps inside the front door as we stood locked in 'welcome' naked passion. Kissing, touching, feeling...hot pure sex, standing up...enjoying the moment. We left our clothes in a pile in the floor and moved to the bedroom, where he took me doggie-style to my great pleasure and his. Afterwards, he flopped on the bed on his back and I hovered over him to further pleasure him with my mouth...to which he gave out moans of delight and whimpers of ecstasy. We lay there entwined in each others arms, cuddling, chatting, kissing. Lovely.

After a while, we moved to the computer room/second bedroom to look up some book titles he was interested in and I lounged on the bed, looking over his shoulder. He said, "We're not going to get any work done today, are we?" and I said, "No." He came and cuddled with me under the covers and we talked about his wife and what was worrying him. He told me about a rekindled fling with an old flame in Columbia during which he'd had trouble performing and that he was amazed at how quickly I had aroused him. He was very happy at this development. I talked about a new man I had met and was tentatively dating. Then our passions rose again and we had sex again...intense, face-to-face sex, then we cuddled some more and he got up to take a shower. We spent almost 4 hours together.

CONCLUSION
It was a wonderful way to spend an afternoon and a nice welcome home to WS. I'm beginning to think that he is a piece to my puzzle of my having an ideal love life. If I could have a perfect (man) combination for my emotional/sex life, it would be as described in one of my online dating profiles in answer to what I consider to be an ideal relationship. It goes as follows:

A tall gorgeous boy, 10 yrs younger, as an ornament on my arm at official functions & tireless physical activities. One large, burly mature man with household repair and mechanical skills to fix things, especially me. An older rich gentleman to lavish gifts & affection on me without reservations. And a gay best friend to help cook, clean, get groceries & associate with me when I'm w/o makeup, lacking sleep, and/or PMS'ing. Combined all in ONE man would be THE ideal relationship.

I'm just wondering if maybe three or four men would be THE solution!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! HAPPY THURSDAY

PREFACE
This was a first for me. I am alone on Thanksgiving Day. For as long as I can remember, I have been around family or friends on this day. Today, it's just another Thursday! but I did give thanks.

STORY
It's not that I didn't have anywhere to go, or I could have made my own dinner and invited one or more to it. For the past 28 years, I have been going to my sister's house for T-day. This year she decided not to cook, partially due to an accident she had in her SUV five days prior, part due to tight finances (not surprising with the economy today), and part due to fewer attendees. I'm 140 miles away but would have driven to celebrate with them had she cooked. My son has issues with attending anymore, due to a falling out last Christmas. That left my sister and her son, and their friends (many either already committed to other places or out-of-town).

Thanksgiving use to be the 'opening celebration' to the coming holiday season...Christmas, Hanakkah, and New Years...and in the past there had been as many as 24 people attending the dinner at Toni's. Everyone helped by bringing covered dishes, wine, desserts, appetizers...doing dishes, carving the turkey...pitching in and making it a community effort. Christmas dinner was much the same, except that there were always more Jews than Christians attending. We mused at the irony. My husband and lots of our friends were Jewish.

Things have changed a lot since my husband, George, died seven years ago. Children grow up, friends grow apart, and the loss of family and 'family of friends' has taken a toll on tradition. I have been in a constant state of change for seven years and I feel very good about it, about where it is leading me and where I want it to lead me.

CONCLUSION
Tradition is a wonderful thing but you can't let it dictate your happiness. I am thankful for each and every day I wake up and I'm given another chance for joy and happiness. I am thankful to be who I am and where I am right now. I am thankful to know that I have the love and support of family and friends. I am thankful for the journey I am on and the discoveries I have made and will make. When we need tradition, we can have it or make new ones. Life is a journey, not a destination. Change is inevitable and necessary for growth. You can let it happen to you or you can take charge of the direction. I choose to take control. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

WILD & WOOLLY WEEKEND

PREFACE
For anyone who's read previous posts, I take mini-vacations when I have a few extra bucks. This is to give myself exposure to a new location, to try out different hotels in different cities (even though sometimes the cities are familiar to me). I recently heard the term "stay-cation" for booking a hotel in your own town "just to get away" from familiar home surroundings. At any rate, I booked two nights in a four star (****) Hilton by Ft. Lauderdale Beach to attend an 80's themed dance put on by POF on Saturday night and a comedy show at the Miami Improv on Sunday night.

STORY
The decision was based on the 80's themed dance being sponsored by a member of Plentyoffish.com and it was suggested that everyone dress in the style of the decade. The music was to be from the 1980's, with drink specials from 8-10PM and no end time put on the dance (8 to ??). Then I received an email from the Miami Improv with a deal for four tickets requiring only the service charge ($2.50/ticket) and the two drink minimum. This is always a great deal. Most good headliners demand $15-30 per ticket plus a two drink minimum (starting at $5/drink). So I bought 4 tickets just in case, booked the two days at the Hilton for $50/night (naming my own price...thank you priceline.com!!), and was all set for a fun weekend.

I have been conversing with one online dating contact for almost three years. JT is younger than me by 16 years, he's conservative (opposite of me), and he's on the heavy side with average equipment. Our first and only meeting was at a Starbuck's (ugh)...there was a four alarm fire for him, but only lukewarm excitement for me. He was pursuing a graduate degree, working at his Miami-based university full time, and working a part time job as a bartender for a caterer. He had little time for a relationship with me, along with little money to afford dates out or commuting 30 miles to see me. So we have exchanged IM's, emails, and some more recent webcam conversations (and erotica) over the last three years or so. We became more friends than lovers but our conversations have varied from the beginning of hot, erotica to me pulling back and wanting to be only friends, to hot, erotica again. This weekend was an opportunity to meet once more and possibly be intimate (JT hasn't had sex with a woman for 5 years!!).

I agreed to see him before I got ready to go to the dance and then we would spend some time together on Sunday before we went to the comedy show (since he said he'd go with me). I arrived at the hotel 2 hours later than I had planned and JT arrived about 7PM. We kissed (I did remember he was a great kisser!) and hugged and I showed him around the room and out to the balcony. We necked a little and then I had to start getting ready to go out. He watched me put on my makeup (was very weird for me as this was a first for me) and he also made sexual moves (rubbing up behind me, wanting to lift my skirt knowing I was pantie-less...he actually kissed my ass!! which made me giggle, all the while describing what he'd like to do...what his fantasies have been) which was all very distracting. After I was finished and ready to go, he convinced me to let him give me oral for my ultimate pleasure (which he had bragged he was excellent at and it turned out to be VERY true) and I reciprocated (until he couldn't hold off any more and wanted to be inside me). It all took about 45 minutes but I got mine first...wooowhoo! Then we went our separate ways...me to my dance and he to his Goth gathering.

I didn't get to the dance until almost 10:30, after wandering aimlessly trying to find the place. I had forgotten my printed directions/address but knew the general area it was suppose to be located in. After an hour of searching, I figured out where it was and that it HAD NO SIGNAGE! and after asking a departing POF member if this was the place. I went inside even after hearing that the crowd had thinned out some and scoped out the space and the ambiance. The general 'feel' of the room of 50 or so people was desperate, so I left and went to have my favorite late night dinner of Chicken Florentine Crepes from IHOP.

Sunday I never heard a peep from JT. He was so exhausted from our activity and the Goth gathering that he slept all day and didn't call me. I went to the Improv with my son, which I preferred anyway and enjoyed it immensely. Gary Owens was hysterical and I laughed so hard I cried out my eyes. I got back to my hotel about midnight, had a grilled chicken salad which I brought with me due to my organic life diet that I'm trying to stick to and save money by not paying tourist prices in the local restaurants. Check out was 11AM, so I played some Mafia Wars, checked email and went to bed.

To stick to my eating style, I had packed two coolers for this trip with No Hunger Bread, Black Bean Dbl Choc Muffins, mixed green salad/blk olives/chick peas, bottled water, green tea bags, and cut up leftover KFC grilled chicken. Except for the crepes at IHOP, I didn't need to buy any meals for two days. And they had a refrigerator in the room and an ice machine right outside my door. It all worked out really nice. The only thing I didn't like was the two double beds were as hard as rocks for me. I like a nice soft bed, one you sink into, it cradles you...these you could bounce a quarter off of. The view was nice of the canals and docks off the Intercoastal Waterway but I had really wanted an ocean view...next time. I checked out, tipped the valet service, ran my errands to places that are not around where I live now, and was about to drive home when I got a message from a contact at eHarmony!!

This would be another first! I had given him my phone number and he wanted to meet since I was in the area, for dinner that evening (5 or 6PM, kinda early for me to eat but do-able). I have never until this time met any man from an eHarmony match. We met at 5:30 (after I changed in the Publix supermarket bathroom and put on my makeup) at a sushi restaurant. I'm not big on the idea of sushi...raw fish always makes me think of bait! But I'm trying to be more open and not make judgment without all the facts. I tried some of one of his rolls with avocado, brown rice, and salmon...which was good, a little chewy. I had stir-fried chicken and vegetables, which was wonderful. We talked of many things. He's a holistic doctor and talked about his new diagnostic machine. I will refer to him as S, 'cuz I never got a last name. We spent 2 hours, eating and talking, but parted with a handshake and no plans for future dates. There wasn't much chemistry/spark/attraction...or at least I didn't feel it.

CONCLUSION
I got home about 9:30 and was SO glad to be there. Another contact called me, BB and we talked for another marathon 2 hours! He and I have emailed and sent tags (visual flirts/sentiments/teases) back and forth on Tagged.com for a while now. We finally talked on the phone the first time and found that we had so much in common. We had planned to have lunch on Tuesday and he wanted to confirm the date. So in three days, I got laid, had a spontaneous date, and had several phone conversations (90+ minutes) with another online contact and had a date for Tuesday. Wow! A two month dry spell and all of a sudden, MONSOON season! It's rainin' men, hallelujah, it's rainin' men...I'm gonna let...My-self get...Ab-so-lute-ly...Soak-ing wet!! YEAH!

HATE TO THROW UP!

PREFACE
I know, who doesn't hate to throw up (except those with an eating disorder). I cannot fathom how they do it more than twice. The damage that is done to the throat and esophagus alone. I spent my twenties learning my limit for alcohol and a lot of time "praying to the porcelain god," in other words, vomiting into the toilet until there was only dry heaves and then nap-time on the tile floor. And then there were the bouts with food poisoning of every description and stomach viruses. I HATE TO THROW UP!

STORY
The time change we Americans went through on November 1st this year, marked a disruption to my sleep pattern as I have never experienced before. It is always difficult for me to go back to the standard time reference and the shorter daylight hours. My adjustment usually lasts two weeks or so (which I'm right on schedule). I have been staying up all through the night and then going to bed at 8AM or noon or 3PM!! just to wake up/get up at 9PM or 11PM!! I tried 2 or 3 times to stay up all night and go to bed at a regular time to try to re-set my internal clock but it didn't work. I would just continue to be awake until 2 or 3 in the morning.

Anyway, I was on this sleep roller-coaster on Monday night when I decided to make a pot roast. I cooked it in a roasting bag and after it was done, I put it on the stove-top to rest before carving it, then while relaxing on the couch I fell asleep. It was all sealed up in the bag, but I didn't put it in the refrigerator until three hours later when I woke up, heated up a little of it and ate. Then I worked on my classwork for several hours before I went to bed for another 6 hour stretch.

Tuesday night I heated up a little more of it for a late dinner and worked on the computer for several hours. I took a break to watch some TV and fell asleep on the couch. About 5 or 6 hours later I woke up with a belly ache. It was around 4AM and while sitting on the toilet waiting for some resolution to the rumbling tummy I got the unmistakable feeling of increased saliva production...I grabbed the waste basket and put it in front of me, just in time to vomit (while still sitting on the toilet!). Diarrhea and vomiting...oh, what fun. I don't think any other animal but man goes through this helpless, uncontrollable malady. After about 20 minutes of this, it finally subsided and all the BAD was out of my system...thank god! I crawled into bed and slept until 8AM.

CONCLUSION
I felt worn out but not sick throughout Wednesday until it got to be 24 hours from the time I was sick. I started to feel pain in my back and ribs. Had I really exerted that much while throwing up? Damn...I'm outta shape! All day Thursday I couldn't even cough or laugh without feeling it in my back and ribs. So I guess the lesson learned here is, don't cook a major meal when you might fall asleep and inadvertently give yourself food poisoning! Always store your leftovers right away in the fridge, not three hours later! And don't fight the time change...just let my body adjust in it's own time, in its own way. I don't have this problem at all in the spring, when we go to Daylight Savings Time. Why can't we just stay on that all year long??

JOINED eHARMONY AGAIN!!

PREFACE
I can't explain it and after the post in October. I really haven't gotten any good results and feel that it's good money thrown after bad, but I still became a paying member AGAIN! $20/month for three months, then if I want to continue (to be a masochist), it costs $30/mo. RIGHT! Like I want to pay MORE not to find someone right for me. Please! Someone...stop the bleeding (of my wallet) before I join again!

STORY
So I had just gotten over the FREE WEEKEND in October when eHarmony allowed free communication for six days! The longest I can ever recall them doing without their "money grubbing." I don't begrudge them a profit but I'm sure they are all millionaires many times over. I just don't understand their need for greed while lying through their teeth that they are so concerned about their clients and matching 'like' people so that they are lifelong relationships, and blah, blah, blah.... Anyway, back to my experience...this time...

As soon as I paid for my membership, the matches slowed down to a trickle. I was getting 4-6 matches a day while NOT paying. Now I'm getting an average of 2 per day. I had a backlog of over 40 matches clogging my match page, so I spent hours going through them to review, decide to eliminate or contact, and then close out those I wasn't interested in or who had never replied to my contact. About 2% of the matches were no longer on the site...deleted by management or themselves.

Yes, there are some sleazy men who will pay $60/month or more to entice unsuspecting women into their schemes. Some have multiple profiles and many different approaches. This is not exclusive to eHarmony but the money invested makes these slime particularly reprehensible. These are men that never learned the basic lessons in kindergarten. Run! do not walk, to the nearest lighted area, where there are crowds, and policemen!

So I've been paying now since Friday and I had a backlog of matches to go through. I hadn't checked my profile or matches since before Halloween so I had about 40 new matches and 20 older ones, varying from old to really old ("why are you hanging on to the hope that he will ever check his profile again?" kind of old). It took me several hours to go through and review each match, decide to communicate or to close out the match, or to NUDGE them one more time since I was a paying member again. You can't see each other's pictures if one of you isn't a paying member. So you can flirt (Icebreakers they call them on eHarmony) but no pics, no controlled communication, no nothing. Kind of like waving back at someone on a passing train.

So now I could see pictures along with reading their profile. I reject for sparsity of words. I mean come on! a man could spend more than 5 minutes to fill out his profile if he were really looking for something meaningful. I reject for golfers...but that's just me (already been widowed once, thank you). I reject for distance most of the time, unless the profile is really outstanding...and then the picture is attractive to me...I will make an exception here and there. I am spiritual and in touch with my concept of a higher power, but will reject a man who is steeped in dogma (organized religion can be used as an excuse to control...and I really run away from control freaks!).

CONCLUSION
So now I've weeded through 60-70 profiles, some in review of previous interest which now has a picture to enhance (or not) the chemistry of my interest. I have 9 left that I have communicated to; one of which has communicated once with me and I, twice with him. Awaiting a reply. Thank goodness this is not the only dating service I use. I can't imagine myself as I was in the beginning, almost 7 years ago, sticking to only one service, one method and letting it drain my wallet dry. I have two other services that are free from which I get lots of opportunities. More on them in a later post. I'm giving it one more try. What's $20/month? Two trips to the movie theater? one dinner out? I remain...the eternal optimist :)

ACADEMIC PROGRESS

PREFACE
For those who don't know, when you start a new semester in college you go through stages. First the gathering of supplies...books mostly, then the adjusting your time to meet the required instruction, study time, assignment submissions, and feedback from the instructor. You learn what's expected from him/her and what the rules are. Online courses are no different but you have the added element of technology.

STORY
It takes me about two weeks to adjust at the beginning and this has always been okay, for courses that last 16 weeks. I am now on a 10 week course schedule and haven't made THAT adjustment. A week into this new experience, I failed to get my books on time by one day (called on Friday to order them and was told my financial aid voucher had to be used by the PREVIOUS day). OK...no problem...I'll get my loan check in time to order my books and have them by the fourth week of classes (not remembering that I only HAVE ten weeks!). Then around the 10th or 11th day, I strained a muscle in my back and couldn't sit up in a chair or in bed! I could lie down or stand up...that's it! It made it almost impossible to do my classwork, so I fell behind. My instructor was understanding since she also suffers from back problems. Two weeks later and as much behind in my work, I finally started getting some of my required books. Except ONE I needed for week 3 and week 5 reading, which the professor didn't post. So I continue to struggle with catching up.

CONCLUSION
The obligation and commitment of earning a degree is still a scheduled thing even if it is not in a physical classroom on a campus. Discipline and organization are the keys to success in academic pursuits. And it also helps to like what you are studying (the good stuff and the boring). It is all in your attitude. You decide if it is worth it or not.

eHARMONY SUCKS!!

PREFACE
This is my opinion so there is no reason for legal action. It is my experience that with all it's hype and extreme advertising budget, eHarmony sucks as a dating service. They will have you believe that because you go through an "extensive" psychological profile questionaire, that you will have much more success in finding "a true match" on their site. And when you have paid your money (one of the MOST expensive online dating site fees) and nothing happens, they tell you that it takes time to find the right match FOR YOU. Here is my experience with eHarmony. I hope it helps you or that you can identify and sympathize.

STORY
In a (fairly) quick check back into my closed matches from eHarmony, my preliminary start date with them seems to have been August 13th, 2003. That would have been the date I filled out the psychological questionaire to give them a good idea of who I am and who I'm looking for as a match. Since then, they have sent me 2100+ matches...NONE of which I have met! I have gotten to the open communication stage with a few and have spoken on the phone with approximately three (3). In six (6) years of on again, off again membership...not one face-to-face meeting. I have had full membership on several occasions and have taken advantage of the "free communication" weekends they have been offering during the past year. Nothing! Nada! Zilch!
MOST EXPENSIVE
They charge $59.95 for one month! The most expensive service online at the moment, if you don't count the personal service companies with dating counselors/coaches who work with you one-on-one. The cheapest they get is $19.95/mon. if you pay a year in advance. They will also run specials of 3 months @ $59.95 (which works out to approx. $20/mo. and is comparable to other online dating services and they have recently allowed the payments to be taken out monthly over the three month period, instead of all at once...nice, considering the economy).
LEAST SUCCESSFUL
Just as an example of the success rate, I spent 90 minutes today just clearing my NEW matches. Their system of reviewing your matches is way too time consuming. I have filters on who they are suppose to send me as matches, and they don't even pay attention to my preferences.

They pride themselves on a 'guided' system of communication to protect their members and make sure that both parties are 'right' for each other before they are 'allowed' to communicate directly. This system was modified a couple of years ago to include the option to "Fast Track" the communications between matches, IF both were paying members and both agreed to immediate contact. You cannot see a non-paying member's photos, nor contact a non-paying member other than 'Icebreakers' which consist of a short list of common contact phrases which can be shared for free...ONCE...between two members. So if you are paying your $60, you can't contact someone who isn't paying. And you have to be very vigilant during the 'free contact' weekends to get through the long arduous process of sending questions back and forth to get to the 'open communication' step. (That is if you haven't figured out how to put contact information into the open-ended response section...Hopefully, nobody at eHarmony will read this and close THAT loophole.)

Has anyone noticed that the couples they show in the commercials for eHarmony have wedding dates that are several years ago? Are they still together? Anybody gotten married as a result of meeting through eHarmony in the last two years?? It's all very suspicious.

CONCLUSION
I have had my profile on eHarmony for over six (6) years and haven't met one man face-to-face. I have met many men from other online dating sites...some that charge, some that are free. The MOST the others charge is $24.95...even for the MILLIONAIRE dating sites! My guess is that the membership fees are so expensive to pay for the huge advertising budget.

I would really like to hear from any online daters out there who have met anyone through eHarmony!! Please, send me your story! Anyone? even if it didn't progress past a face-to-face meeting or a second date...anyone?!

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL...ONLINE

PREFACE
Today I start my graduate program online. I found an accredited university that offered a near-perfect program and worked with me to resolve my academic 'issues' so that I could enroll and continue my pursuit of a Master's degree.

STORY
Back at the turn of the century (lol, love saying that) I was working on two Master's degrees at the same time, which had nothing to do with one another and none of the credits crossed over and counted in the other program. I started one in Educational Technology in 1998 and got into the second one in Fine Arts (terminal degree like a PhD) in 2000. That's when I started teaching a class as a requirement (as a Graduate Teaching Assistant or GTA). As long as you are at least half-time, you can put off payback forever (theoretically). The plan was to stay in school to avoid paying my education loans...no, not really. The plan was to get my Master's in Graphic Design and teach at the college level. The MEd was to bridge the gap between my Bachelor's in Fine Arts and being able to get into the Master's in Fine Arts. (They make you wait 2 years!)

In October of 2002, my husband died and I couldn't bring myself to graduate that semester with my first Master's in Education, as I'm sure you can understand. My studies faltered, I was a wreck and in my efforts to put one foot in front of the other, I continued to take classes, teach my GTA class and start a new job at a local university on the provision that I completed one of my degrees. Three years later and a constant head-butting with the new dean, I was fired for not having my degree.

That was 2006 and I have been unemployed and employed for three years; as a graphic designer, unemployed, as a waitress and substitute teacher, and again unemployed since January 2009. I found the online university and enrolled in the Master's in Instructional Design for Online Learners (IDOL...lol, ohhhh, the irony!). It's perfect! I can teach again, from ANYWHERE! It allows the freedom from scheduled times in physical classrooms and fits well with my night owl tendencies. I can log in to the courseroom, read comments, post comments, or submit a paper at 3AM. How cool is that?

CONCLUSION
It is my sincere wish to teach art online. It is a bold undertaking in the face of many nay-sayers but that does not deter me. So now I am starting on my way towards my goal and it's so exciting. Once I have the degree, I can apply to colleges expanding their online courses, which is a big trend in this economy with everyone going back to school to beef up their skills or change careers. And it saves the institutions from building new structures to house the demand. It is the future.