MEASURING MY LIFE BY THE CATS I'VE LOVED

PREFACE
The vet that treated my cat, Milo, sent me a condolence card. It was a sweet gesture and I do appreciate it. It is never easy to lose a pet. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma two years ago August 2013. I could not afford the $300 additional chemo treatment that would only give him a possible 18 months. I decided to research natural cures and treated him myself with colloidal silver and aloe vera. The disease attacks the digestion and blocks their ability to absorb the nutrients from their food. My treatment allowed him 9 more months than the chemo promised.

STORY
I was Milo's person for the past 16 years. He came to us as a kitten (6 weeks old) and I had originally intended for him to be my son's cat. I had Molly (female brown Burmese) and my late husband had Sox (male Tuxedo, black and white). Milo spent his first few weeks sleeping in a box next to my bed at night, when he wasn't out and about getting to know our other two adult cats.

 Milo

Molly

 Sox

Milo was to be Ian's cat. Ian was 14. As it turned out, Ian was allergic to Milo's saliva and Milo liked to lick as a show of affection. Molly had no maternal tendencies toward him and attacked him repeatedly. He was a tiny kitten and could not defend himself, so I decided that Molly was to become an outside/inside cat (but mostly outside). Molly had always resented becoming an inside cat, so she was happy. Sox adopted Milo and protected him against Molly.

When we got Sox, he was a stray kitten that someone had abandoned near a friend of my sister. My sister called me to say that this kitten needed our family. We had been without a cat for a while, since our last kitten had been put down due to spinal problems, loss of use of his back legs and potty functions. Spooky was less than two years old. It was traumatic and we had gone for over a year without looking for another cat. Sox was a wonderful addition to our family. He LOVED my late husband and was a sweet, loving, adorable quirky cat. At max. weight he was 24lbs! but had a tiny little voice (mew!) like Mike Tyson. He also loved cantelope and watermelon!

Sox was about 4 months old when we got Molly. Molly was originally named Bonnie, but it didn't fit her. Her owner was going to be forced to take her to the animal shelter (to be gassed!) so I agreed to take her. I'm not partial to female cats but I didn't want her to be euthanized at seven months old! She came into our house always wanting to squip out the door to be outside. It was a constant battle. Molly knew how to open doorknobs! We had to keep the door deadbolt-locked so she couldn't get out. Molly also liked to open the side-by-side refrigerator doors (and LEAVE THEM OPEN!). We would come downstairs to find both doors standing wide open! My late husband had to devise a "lock" for the doors. He used a piece of aluminum rod, bent in a U-shape to slip over both door handles at night when we went to bed. Molly finally stopped after a few months.

All our cats have played "fetch", usually with small aluminum balls that we would fashion for them. They would run after them and bring them back to be thrown again. Molly was the most insistent. She would bring a ball and drop it on your bare foot to let you know she wanted to play fetch. They loved the sound they made on the tile floor.

Molly was the first to go. At 15 years old, arthritic and thin, she stopped eating. I force-fed her water and drops of food through the night, but she became lethargic and less responsive. I took her to animal control and had her put down. Soon after I was forced out of my house due to the landlord selling it, and I could only take one cat with me to my new living arrangements. Sox was 15 yo but in good health. I took him to the animal shelter and gave up ownership with the hope that someone would adopt a 24lb Tuxedo cat. This was in 2008 and there was a lot of animal rescue going on at that time. I hope he got a good home.

Milo was my sole companion for the past 7 years. I was his person. He saw his family go from 3 people, 2 other cats to just him and me. My son moved out on his own but couldn't take Milo due to his allergy. Milo kept me company, was very talkative, would rush to the door if someone knocked or rang the bell (like a watch-cat). He slept in my bed with me. Woke me up when it was morning (to feed him!). Milo watched TV with me sometimes and ALWAYS watched the Annual Westminster Dog Show (intently!). His favorite place to lounge was on my chest (while I watched TV, worked on the computer, or drove him in the car!). He was a total inside cat, never venturing outside.

CONCLUSION
These are just three of the cats that have populated my life, become part of my family, and owned a piece of my heart. When we take on a pet, we have to realize they have an expiration date. Lots of people don't think about a pet being with them for 15-20 years, nor about how close you can become or how involved in their lives. When it gets to the end of their life, it can become all-consuming in the daily caregiving involved, but you do it without a thought. The hardest is when you have to decide if you are being selfish and keeping them here because you can't let go. Luckily, Milo told me in his way that it was time for him to go (for me to let him go). I miss him every day but know that he is in a better place, running and chasing with Sox and Molly.

WHAT I HAVE TO LEARN...

PREFACE
As the title addresses, what I have to learn...is a lot. I am always learning and hungry to learn. Sometimes the lesson is not so easy to identify. We go through good times and bad times and we should learn something from both, but bad times are harder to substantiate with a lesson. Our reality is made by our thoughts, so we are responsible for both the good and bad. Most people do not want to accept this premise.

STORY
I have recently gone through much change in my life. Experienced trauma in several different ways and I've had to work towards resolving what is the "now" of my life. In April of this year, I was forced out of my long-term housing (5 years in a house and location that I loved!) and had to humbly move back in with my sister. I am exceedingly grateful to her for her generosity because it is a terrible imposition and disruption of her life and home. During this vacation of my home, I broke my leg! The first broken bone of my lifetime. LESSON: I should have started sooner to pack and disseminate all my belongings of 30 years of accumulation, gotten a storage unit, and stored all that I could before it came down to a deadline.

After moving 140 miles to my sister's, and my broken leg healed, I caught a respiratory infection from visiting a cancer treatment center with a family friend who was going through chemotherapy. I was sick for 8 weeks! LESSON: ALWAYS wash your hands and sanitize while visiting a hospital/medical center! WEAR a mask if possible too! And keep your immune system strong (I had run out of most of my supplements that I regularly take to keep my health at optimum.)

I had been sick with coughing, low grade fever, and general exhaustion for 6 weeks before I went to the clinic for evaluation/treatment. I HATE modern medicine and was treating myself with remedies but needed an antibiotic to kick this bug out of me. I had almost healed when my sister gave it back to me again, and I just couldn't fight it off the second round. LESSON: Keep your immune system at optimum.

In one week in October, my family lost two dear family friends and our 19 year old cat. Three deaths within four days. Dan (74) died Wednesday night from complications of cancer treatment, Barry (67) died Tuesday from a heart attack, and Snowball (19 = 92 human years) died in his sleep of old age (warranty on all the parts ran out). This was HELL week for my sister and me. LESSON: Appreciate every day you are given. It's a gift, don't waste it. Tell your loved ones you love them every day.

Dan (1940-2014)

Barry (1947-2014)

Snowball (1995-2014)

CONCLUSION
The lessons we are presented with will be presented again and again, if we don't learn from them. I am very bad at meeting deadlines. It's a control thing and I have to get over it. I need to take better care of my health, especially when I'm depressed and overwhelmed. Many difficult times are hard to explain at the time, but great things will come out of tough times if you are open to seeing them, open to positive thoughts about the future. Embrace the present, enjoy your loved ones, and seek joy everyday!

HEALING, BUT NOT HEALED...AND CAUSING MORE DAMAGE!

PREFACE
Four months later, my broken leg healed but the muscles are not back to normal yet. Fewer days of crying, more days of job hunting, scrambling for part time gigs to get SOME money coming in, and trying my best to show how much I appreciate my sister for all she's done for me.

STORY
I'm doing physical therapy (PT) once a week to strengthen my muscles that went unused/underused for 4 months. I get terrific knee pain when I overdo and the ankle is now being tended to, since there's so much more pressure on it and apparent damage was done there too. Management of pain is paramount at present.

I was tired. Haven't been sleeping well or in any socially acceptable time pattern (I sleep 6am-3pm, vampire hours!). When I have to get up and function in the normal "business" hours and it cuts my sleep time down to under 7 hrs, I get tired and careless (stumbling, banging into things, cutting flesh instead of food in preparation, etc...). On Tuesday (8/12), I had done two standee installations, driven to and photographed a third, and now at home was preparing dinner at 10:30p.m. All of this on 6 hrs sleep! I was heating up leftover meatloaf and while removing a plate I had placed as a warming plate on top of the food, it slipped out of my hands...dropped edge-first onto my left big toe...landing just below the bottom of the toenail. It didn't hurt at first, more than to say a slight profanity at my clumsiness. The "oh, f**k!" being drowned out by the clanging and circular-whirring of the dropped plate.  Then the PAIN made its way up my leg, spine, and hit my brain center!! I started to cry...it hurt SO bad...like it had been chopped off, or was being continually hit with a ball-pean hammer. I just wanted it to stop!

My sister leapt into action, offering help..."Do you need some ice?"..."You need some ice, right now!" she said after seeing the half inch black mark at the base of my nail, already beginning to bruise...and the redness spreading across my toe. She also got me a Vicadin and sat by me while I writhed in pain for the next 30 minutes...foot up on a pillow, wrapped in an ice bag...me crying (praying for it to stop hurting). She finished our dinner and served it up while we sat in front of the TV. She wanted me to go to the ER. (I am very opposed to frivolous use of the emergency room services, even now that I have health insurance to cover it...THANK YOU OBAMA!!) This pic is of broken toe...day 2.

CONCLUSION
I finally went to sleep with another pain killer and 2 Motrin. I knew right away that I will be losing that toenail. (It's happened before in my life...and you just KNOW.) Now I'm limping on BOTH sides! I hobble around, being extra careful NOT to bump that big toe...OMG! does that hurt! It's been four days and the toenail is almost all black with bruise, under the nail and everything red and swollen around it. I have been icing it and wearing my sandals to keep the pressure off but I still had to do (2) standee installations, (1) Ross shop, and a patron count for (4) showings of The Expendables 3 movie (last night). It's swollen and throbbing, but I have to earn some money! This too shall pass...and I just keep putting one sore foot in front of the other. :)

MOVING DISASTER

PREFACE: 

I wish the best to all of you having to move by choice but please APPRECIATE anyone who is helping you! I just had to vacate my (5 year) rental due to my landlord lost the house in foreclosure and it was auctioned in January. So that means I moved NOT by choice. My 2/2 with 1 car garage was holding the accumulated possessions of 20 years with my late husband, momentos of my son growing up, 14+ years of crafting and fine arts, ongoing eBay sales items, and 10 years of teaching (student work) at college level. I had 60 days to whittle down the mass, pack and store it all...or get rid of it. NOT enough time doing it by myself! 

DISASTER STORY: 

The last night of moving belongings into a rented UHaul (by myself) ended in a bad step off the back of the truck as I BEGAN to unload this last load into the storage unit. I fell 4 1/2 feet and landed on my right foot, hearing a loud POP in my knee, crumbling down to try to catch myself with my left leg twisting my ankle, down...down...down landing just above my tailbone and then hitting the back of my head on the parking lot blacktop. Laying there for 20 minutes, crying from the pain, in a puddle with a light rain falling on me...not knowing what damage I'd done...the storage facility now closed to incoming traffic...I was completely alone, with a full moving truck to be unloaded! I finally limped and hopped my way back to the cab of the truck, crawled up into it, welcoming the heater available as it was dropping to 59 degrees rapidly! and my cellphone! I called everyone I knew within 50 miles and got mostly voicemail response. It was 9:30 on a Tuesday night. One of my friends said he'd come and bring others to help when I refused to call an ambulance. He came, with a friend and they both unloaded my truck. I couldn't walk but could press the gas pedal to drive the truck back to the house again for the things I had left for last minute loading into my car and distribution to others. They loaded up my UHaul truck again, and unloaded it again into my storage unit. THAT is true friendship!

At 2 a.m., I drove myself to the ER, used a Rubbermaid two-step ladder as a walker, and after x-rays found out I had broken my leg. I spent the next 8 hours in ER, getting pain shots and pills so they could straighten my leg to put a splint brace on. They released me to another friend to drive me away from the hospital, not that I was letting that happen. I had her drive me to my car and I drove to her house (up 2 flights of stairs! where the rest of my stuff was & my cat!). I was moving that day to my sister's house 140 miles south. I had already told her not to drive up to get me, I wasn't towing my car down, that I was capable of driving (with both feet), and would arrive later that day.

I am now recuperating with family in a spare room with all that I could pack into my subcompact Toyota. I had to suspend all my online selling, my artwork, and my crafting until I am (literally) on my feet again. Moving doesn't suck, it is a gut-wrenching life event that is like losing a loved one, especially if you aren't in charge of the decision. At this point, 17 days later, I don't know what I saved and stored and what was left to scavengers and the landfill. I have flashbacks about items that I'm not sure I still have in one place or the other. It was traumatic on so many levels that it will be some time before I am able to move forward, much less create and enjoy my arts again.

RESOLUTION: I am allowing myself time to heal. Writing about it is cathartic and hopefully will help others. I am so grateful for my dear friends who helped me through this and my beloved family who is helping me heal. Things can be replaced, people cannot! As long as your move includes those you love, you can always survive. 

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

PREFACE
With spring comes renewal. Grass becomes green again, budding leaves and flowers everywhere, and change is in the air. My life is going through a big change and I don't have a clue how it will all turn out!

STORY
My landlord's house was sold at foreclosure auction on January 22nd. I have been getting letters all about it as the "unknown tenant" but with my name right next to that. So "unknown" but named...lol. Fannie Mae bought the house at auction, and is the agency that guaranteed the original "underwater" mortgage. Funny how things work.

It has been very traumatic to have to move again, and in with family again after 5 years of being on my own in a beautiful town and neighborhood. In central Florida, 2 hours from anywhere I would want to go (but didn't, except to visit family...where I'm moving back to!). I'm under a monumental amount of stress right now, and I broke down into uncontrollable crying today, just to slow me down some more.

I am asking myself what decisions did I make to get me here? Was I using good judgement when I signed up for a graduate level class in November and then continued to pursue that decision until I became $1000 in debt to family friend and 3 weeks away from the end of semester, still not knowing if I can pass this course or not. And when I do pass the class, it won't count for anything if I'm not accepted into the MFA program to complete my degree (of which I have 40/60 credits). It's all hanging in limbo, just like me.

Moving back in with my family entails the loss of freedom. No more walking around naked in the morning or sleeping that way at night. No friends allowed over. My cat isn't allowed anywhere there is carpet, so just my room and the enclosed porch. None of my furniture (my bed!) is allowed in except maybe my computer desk. And if I don't pass my class, I'll have to leave...move again!

I am grateful that I have somewhere to go, even if for only a month or two.

CONCLUSION
I must re-examine what I am manifesting if this is where I am right now. I don't want to be at this point, with these decisions and pressure, moving back to where I gladly left 5 years ago. I don't want to be "let go" from another college teaching job after 3 years because I don't have my MFA! I just wish I knew what to do, what to decide. I will meditate (which I have been doing more and more lately) and ask again, and again, and again, until I get a clear answer. My life seems to be nothing but change and renewal. Happy Spring!

AND FALL IS UPON US

PREFACE
Good thoughts. Think of how you want your life to be and it will be. Thought becomes reality. I am really losing patience. Had a birthday, lost my job, may lose my home, car is in need of repair, haven't seen family all summer, NO dating prospects...

STORY
The weather is turning cooler, thank Mother Nature for that! It is a glorious time of year to be outside and to work in my gardens. I have three raised flower gardens in the front of the house and one veggie/herb garden in the back. The water from the well has quit twice now...very late this year for it to be short on water...hmmm. Got 23 plants on Friday from Lowe's, for $24! Such a deal!! Now I have to plant them before they wilt and die. I have been wanting some Cannas to plant and most of them are...some red flowers, some with variegated-striped leaves, some with dark coloring under the leaves...beautiful. And they were going to throw them away!!

I got notice that the house I am living in and have lived in for 4 years is going to be judged for a final foreclosure decision on Dec. 6, 2013. My backdoor neighbor said that even after that, it may be several months before any action against me takes place. I am expecting a miracle.

I haven't heard anything from the college about me teaching in the spring as yet. The schedule came out on November 1st and even if I'm not listed, they should know if they are going to bring me in to teach. I live for teaching, love it so much, and I don't know what to do when I'm not teaching. Teaching is what I am meant to do.

My health has suffered at my own hands. I have been idle for SIX months and my body is showing me that this has to be reversed or I am headed for trouble. My muscle tone is gone, my hip joints hurt...not to mention the increased pain in my knees and back, and I'm starting to look and feel my age. What a horror!! This is not how I want to be. I can change this. Exercise. I have lost 20lbs.

CONCLUSION
Get up, get moving, DO SOMETHING...build the life I want. Peace & Joy!

AND HERE WE ARE AGAIN

PREFACE
It seems that every three years, I am unemployed from teaching at college level. Never mind that I don't have my terminal degree (Master's in Fine Arts, like a PhD but not called a PhD, still no degree above it). Never mind that I get higher student review scores than full time professor colleagues. Never mind that I'm a woman, and post-secondary institutions are notorious for being male-heavy in their instructors/professors! Oh, and besides, I have no significant man in my life.

STORY
I have worked for this college for 3 years. I was told that my "credit hours" were to be cut due to Obamacare and I couldn't go over the requirements of 30 hours. WHAT!? I teach 10 hours a WEEK! That requirement to provide health insurance coverage for employees that work over 30 hours...is per WEEK. I teach 4 classes, 2.5hrs each class = 10 hours for fall semester (12 credit hrs). Plus 10 hours for spring semester (12 credit hrs).. Plus 2 classes, 6 hrs/week for 6 weeks for summer terms A and B  (12 credit hrs total). That comes to 36 credit hours for the YEAR! not per week. Ok, so cut me back to no classes in the summer = 24 credit hours (NO, TOO CLOSE TO 30!) Frustrating getting a straight answer out of anyone.

Along comes SACS accreditation and 4 adjuncts get axed due to no MFAs. 2 women, 1 black man out of 4. Hmmm. A vague promise to hire me back in the spring when SACS is off their backs. Meanwhile, I'm living on $692 (+ $162 food stamps) per month. Not a whole lotta living-wage jobs out there for a 57 yo woman without a masters degree.

CONCLUSION
I am confident that everything will work out for the best for me. Right now, my depression has kicked in and I have to go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day (actually it's already tomorrow...hmmm, looking out the window...looks like a better day!). Namaste'

RETIREMENT AGE DATING

PREFACE
I have to qualify the title "Retirement Age Dating" to what it means to me at this point in time. It means those single women and men just short of or at retirement age. Now retirement age use to mean 65 (and that is what it means to me) but now full retirement age is 67! or even 70! We are living longer and working longer. Of course, more women are living longer than more men but that's another article. There are a lot of places now that consider ME a senior at 55 and give me the senior discount!

STORY
(1) I have a sister 9 years and 5 months older than I and she has been single for more than 30 years. First single when her husband left her for a 16 yo girl (yes, really!) and then legally divorced from same husband 9 years later so he could marry same girl who was then 25 (!).  My sister raised her only son by herself, fighting tooth and nail for support from her well-paid fireman husband. She didn't date because of being legally married and also due to her son (not wanting a parade of men vying for his affections/approval, nor wanting any ammo for the estranged husband on her lifestyle or reputation). She had two serious relationships in the last 20 years but neither worked out satisfactorily. Just recently she put herself on a popular dating site with explicit wants and needs for a companion (not a sex partner or marriage prospect). She got DF who is perfect in a multitude of ways, but she is not romantically nor sexually attracted to him. He so far he is satisfied with the arrangement and caters to her needs and wants without looking for a love commitment or physical involvement.
(2) The lady next door is 63 1/2 and widowed now 5 years. She was very shy about starting to date again but has been steadily seeing a man 10+ years her senior. He is different than any man she has ever known and he doesn't treat her well. He's the first man she has had sex with since her late husband died. The sex is great according to her. Their relationship has been off-and-on over the past two years. He has broken her heart several times only to come back and start it all up again. He tells her to seek out her other options (date other men who are interested) and then becomes jealous and insults her when she does. She dated one man who is very wealthy and could take care of her in style, treats her like a queen (except when he wanted to have sex with her and after she said it was too soon, he said he'd be willing to pay...!...what is wrong with men in their 70's???). Her steady guy is on lots of medications and has recently been taken off two of them. He's back in her life again and she sees a big improvement. Maybe it has been the combination of meds that has made him so "bipolar!" but we'll have to wait and see on that.
(3) And then there's me...55...educated...full-figured...energetic...diverse interests/experiences..healthy sexual appetite. What do I find? Men who want one-night-stands or fall madly in love with me and I feel nothing or I really like them and never get a second date-or-phone call-or-any communication ever again...WTF? This happens across age groups and ethnic groups. I've dated men from 25-64 and most every race. I'm so tired of searching and being disappointed.

CONCLUSION
It is a crap shoot! In my opinion, you have nothing to lose in putting yourself out there, whether it's online or in real life. The only condition is that you have to be willing to accept love into your life. If you send good thoughts and wishes out into the universe, you will draw good things to you. Whether you pray or meditate, do morning and evening affirmations, write down your wants and needs, build a dream board or let go and let God...sooner or later, you will find someone right for you. My wish for you is that you recognize them when they come along!! Happy dating!

NOT REALLY INTO THEM

PREFACE
You meet for the first time, you know within five minutes that you are not into this person as a romantic interest. It might be possible that you could be friends but do you really want to invest the time in getting to know each other? Maybe, maybe not. You may even go so far as to give it the chance of a goodnight kiss. Still nothing. Do you tell them now? Before you part ways?

STORY
I hear different responses from different friends. (1) Tell the person right away that you are not interested in a second date. (2) Give it a chance by agreeing to a second date and see what happens. (3) Let them know as soon as communication exchanged between the two of you has given you enough indication that this relationship is not going anywhere. (4) Go out several times and give it enough time to grow to like/love the person. (5) Don't be so picky. Anyone can become a soul mate. (This last one I really DON'T understand!)

Are we so thin skinned that we cannot take rejection? Or so afraid of being insensitive or "the bad guy" that we can't be adult and honest? Is it better to be with someone who doesn't feel the same affection towards us, rather than be alone or to avoid hurting their feelings?

CONCLUSION
My answer...NO! DO NOT SETTLE!! Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Anyone can find things to fill "alone time" without having to be constantly entertained or affirmed. Go with your instincts and be honest. It is the only way to be true to yourself. And after all is said and done, you have to live with yourself! Happy Dating!!

OUTBACK: PART DEUX

PREFACE
Two weeks ago I went to dinner with AW at Outback. I was running late and called him on my way to the restaurant which is only considerate. I was 20 minutes late which might have sent many men into a tantrum but AW was cool with it. He's easy-going, polite, attentive, and attractive. So why wouldn't I give him a chance to make me happy?

STORY
I am not physically attracted to him. There...I said it. I can't imagine myself having sex with him. Women can say this. Men can think about having sex with any woman (they make a multitude of jokes about it) or go through with sex with a woman while thinking of another woman (not saying that women don't do this too). Women think too much. We over-think everything, most of the time. It is our un-doing!

The first red flag was his statement that he just wanted to go to dinner and not a movie, because he didn't want to share the time with a movie. Meaning that he wanted no distractions from concentrating his attention on me. He just wants to cuddle with me. To watch a movie at my house and just "chill" with a pizza would make him happy. Starting to sound too familiar.

CONCLUSION
So I was going to tell him that he shouldn't waste any more time pursuing me. But maybe he wants to...waste his time. I am too nice. There are numerous women who would have him take them to dinner, movies, expensive shows, concerts, and spend, spend, spend...not me. I like him but he doesn't stimulate me intellectually.

OUTBACK FOR BEGINNERS

PREFACE
I really am getting ahead of myself. I am about to get up from the computer, get dressed and drive 15 miles to Outback Steakhouse to meet yet another online contact. He is driving up from West Palm Beach (80 miles away!). I am treating this as casually as I can.

STORY
We met about a 3 weeks ago on this new site I just joined, BBPeopleMeet.com It is for people who are overweight or tall & overweight or men who like very curvy women. I have avoided this kind of online dating site because of some horror stories about Chubby Chasers (men who are borderline, and not so borderline, fetish or obsessed with overweight women). I prefer men who are average or athletic, even 30-40lbs over their optimum weight, but not obese. Reason being it makes for awkwardness in the bedroom, and sometimes downright a turn-off or impossibility. Two fat people trying to have sex can be very unsatisfying (at least in my experience).

CONCLUSION
I do like AM from our email exchanges and he has a pleasant voice on the phone. I am not turned on my the picture he has posted on his profile, and my gut feelings are that I am not expecting any sparks to fly. I am just expecting a pleasant meal and conversation for a change in my routine of late. I am hoping he is not expecting anything more than that. He invited me to dinner, but I will be honest with my impression and feelings for him...and then offer to pay for my meal. Stay tuned for more....

LOVE, MONEY, HEALTH & JOY

PREFACE
I was about to title this entry with NO in front of each word but stopped myself before attracting the opposite of what is desired. The Law of Attraction is restatement of positive thinking. Your mind does not hear the NO, NOT, NEVER. Always state things in the positive.

STORY
If you want NO pain, all your mind hears is PAIN. So you need to concentrate on PAINLESS or PAIN FREE. If you say "I don't want to leave" all your mind hears is "I want to leave" instead of saying "I want to stay and be happy." Negative thoughts are so much easier because we have been programmed by our environment, our parents, or spouses and friends...however well meaning they think they are. Being a positive thinker is hard work in some circumstances.

What we think is what will be. Thought is manifestation. I do believe that it all started with a thought...the BIG BANG...Creation...God. One thought...One idea. LOVE?

God lives within me, as me.

That which we think we are, we are. Everything that happens is of our own making. Our reality is of our own making.

CONCLUSION

Be deliberate in creating reality. Dream and then create.

FEBRUARY - FREE (E)HARMONY!

PREFACE
Well eHarmony has done it again! They put themselves out there...phishing for members...with a free month (the shortest of the year) of communication between ALL members, paying or not. Communication up to FREE COMMUNICATION through their site-based email.

STORY
I have been a member of eHarmony for 8 years now. No, not a paying member all that time (I'd be bankrupt several times over!). The advantage of being a non-paying member? None, except when they offer "specials" like 3 months for the price of one month, free weekends or three-day holiday weekends, and just recently, 10-day stretches of FREE. All with their own restrictions (in fine print) but shows that eHarmony is trying to be competitive. Their regular $59 per month charge is OUTRAGEOUS in terms of comparison to other dating sites charges and comparable results (no matter what their commercial ads say).

I took full advantage of the month and made a few connections but again, nothing that has progressed into an actual face-to-face meeting. I have made one contact who lives up north, far away. He seems to be a good match but there are "problems" with communication on the phone. I have run into "scheduled" phone calls before. Most of the time it means there is a wife or live-in girlfriend involved. Although his explanation is plausible in that I have encountered it myself. He says that the place where he lives interferes with cellphone signals and he can only talk in certain places in the house. He also has roommates (?) so talking on the phone can be annoying or disruptive to "them."

My similar situation was at my sister's house where I lived for a year...NO cellphone signal could get through her walls. I had to run out the front or back door into the yard to pick up an incoming call. To make a call I could sit very, very still next to my computer in my room or on the toilet (not necessarily doing any business), or out in the yard. I could send text messages...lower level signal so they could get through more often than not. Oh, and she didn't allow me to give out her phone number at the house to any of my dates (in case of psychos...not that I dated any...thank god).

CONCLUSION
I am a trusting person and always believe the best of people, until proven wrong. I am only suspicious when I come across the same scenario again and again. Suspicion may be too harsh a word. Be aware. Proceed with caution.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR!?

PREFACE
This new year has given renewed hope to me in the form of "try something new." The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing something the same way and expecting different results. I cannot keep trolling the dating sites, reading endless profiles, and going on countless 'first meetings' without some positive results. I have realized that I must lighten up (in many ways) and get on with what I want.

STORY
I figure I have read approximately 30,000 profiles, on more than a dozen dating sites...and that doesn't count the ones that I glanced at and dismissed for one RED FLAG or another. The RED FLAGS are different for everybody but I'm sure there are some that are universal; not bothering to fill out more than basic information (or filling it with xxxxxxxxx's or other symbols), no picture (along with no info), one picture from 50 yards away or close-up of hat & sunglasses (member of Wit-Sec??).

My personal RED FLAGS are; golfer (don't need to be widowed again), hates cats, just wants the hook-up (casual sex), someone whose body language in their picture says volumes (no smile, crossed arms, bar scene with drink in hand...mostly depends on how drunk they look in the pic), holding up BIG fish (as your main profile pic?? come on...really?), all profile pics are of toys (Vet, Harley, speedy boat...etc...compensating for a little penis, ED, or mid-life crisis?), women in the pic with no explanation as to who they are, men who live farther than a two hour drive (they will never make the trip to meet and just want internet sex...more on that later), former contacts that have changed their ID (more than once) or have multiple profiles but I recognize their picture, long-winded profiles with massive misspellings/horrible grammar, and more for another time.

CONCLUSION
It continues to amaze me that men and women (or any couples) get together with so many variables to consider. I don't judge any relationship that works, however it is configured. We are all God's creatures and as long as no one gets hurt, what is the big deal?? We all are worthy of love and there is someone for everyone. FINDING that someone is the biggest challenge.

Spring is in the air. Recent rain in my area has made the grass green again, one of the first signs of spring in Florida. The next three weeks are the BEST of winter in Florida and then SPRING pops out all over the place. I can only hope that LOVE is poised and ready to do the same! Oh, did I mention that eHarmony is having FREE CONTACT for a MONTH!! I told you there are signs of spring.

THE CANADIANS HAVE ARRIVED!!

PREFACE
I was driving to Fort Pierce on Friday and noticed three (3) motorhomes traveling south with Quebec license plates. Fort Lauderdale is the mecca for Canandians in January.

STORY
I was going to Ft. Pierce to apply for a payday loan and reflecting on these motorhomes...these self-contained, gas-guzzling, house-on-wheels...driving south to park for a month or more in south Florida in order to avoid the crippling cold of Canada. I don't blame them!

As an acclimated Floridian (one that's lived more than 30 years in Florida...actually 42 years for me), I chose to live here. I am a "lizard" and not a "snow bunny." I spent enough time in snow, cold weather with wind blowing 35 mph and not able to wear enough clothes to keep the cold wind from cutting through you...to the BONE! Nice to visit...not nice to live in. It is not quite far enough into the winter for it to be THE RIGHT TIME TO BE IN FLORIDA. The last week in January to the third week in February are the BEST time in Florida. It is the reason people come to Florida.

CONCLUSION
The "optimum time" of the season in Florida is what keeps the economy in Florida going for the rest of the year!! it officially runs from Labor Day to Memorial Day (Sept - May) but that is the whole "season" in Florida. There are four "optimum" weeks...and they are almost here...and so are the CANADIANS!! LOL God Bless 'em!

EHARMONY SUCKS! ONCE AGAIN

PREFACE
Again my original opinion of eHarmony prevails. They were running a "free" week of communication this last week of 2010. I have been given a few survey feedback opportunities in the past year and it seems their marketing department has been listening. eHarmony actually ran a 10-day "free" communication promo, which is unheard of in the annals of money-grubbing big business. It even allowed for open communication at that time. I have taken their offer of three months for the price of one month a few times this past year due to them also offering to bill it in three payments of $19.98 per month,

STORY
Free communication up to the OPEN COMMUNICATION! I was going through the steps with a promising contact and then I got to the last of the "guided" communication. There is suppose to be OPEN communication, just like regular email except based inside eHarmony. When I clicked on open communication, I was taken to the membership advertisement page with the selection of the different payment plans. I could not get back to the last questions I had asked and he had answered. I couldn't get back to any of the previous contact. That's just calculating and devious. If I had not figured out a way to contact this man outside of eHarmony, I would have been obligated to pay for membership to continue our exchange.

CONCLUSION
eHarmony is ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. They are not about people finding each other or making a connection that can be explored. It is not about happiness and love. It is all about dangling the carrot. They are DESPICABLE!

DO SOMETHING YOU HAVE NOT DONE BEFORE

PREFACE
If you want something to happen that has not happened before, do something you have not done before. To expect different results from doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity.

STORY
If you are single:

...walk up to five people of the opposite sex and say, "I think you are very attractive and I wanted to introduce myself to you. My name is ... and here is my card. Get in touch if you are interested. Have a great day." Only do it if you are genuinely attracted to them. What have you got to lose? Five business cards?

Join a group that shares an interest of yours. You will be among peers and make new friends.

Take a lesson. Sign up for dance lessons, flying lessons, swimming lessons, adult education classes...it could be JUST ONE CLASS. Try something new.

Go somewhere you have never gone until now...it could be a restaurant, a street you haven't explored, a neighbor you don't know, or out of town. Change your scenery, make a friend, try new food...it will do wonders for your enjoyment of the day.



CONCLUSION
A new day, a new year, a new decade...Happy New Year!

WELCOME 2011!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

PREFACE
A new day, a new year, and a new decade! 1/1/11...there MUST be something significant about THAT! Skeptics will say that any day can be a new start if you decide it to be. But come on! 1-1-11!?


STORY
For me it is a new start because I decide it is. I start teaching on Wednesday and I'm teaching FIVE classes. I'm so excited and I'll be making enough money to relax a little about my finances. It has been a long struggle back from a year of unemployment. And I am very happy to be a 'professor' again, teaching undergrads. I truly LOVE teaching (anything, to anybody) but I get a great feeling of accomplishment teaching at this level. The place, people, and students are wonderful!


CONCLUSION
No matter what your circumstances, there is always room for improvement. First there was the thought, then the manifestation. The WORD, and then the LIGHT! I am grateful for all I am, all I have, and everyone I know and love. I welcome 2011 and all the possibilities!

BAREFOOT IS THE BEST

PREFACE
I have been going barefoot all my life. Any time, anywhere I could get away with it. I even drive barefoot most of the time. There is now a shoe that was designed for barefooters like me!

STORY
Vibram Five Fingers Shoes which are shoes made with five toes like a glove is made for five fingers and they are finally coming into the mainstream. I've seen recent advertising and product placement in a current show (Rizzoli and Isles) on TV. I first saw these amazing shoes from following a link on Tim Ferriss's blog. I love these shoes and as soon as I can afford a pair, I'm ordering them! I am barefoot as much as I can possibly get away with. One of the most disappointing times in my life was when I was a kid and the local grocery store put up the first sign that read "Shoes Are Required, No Bare Feet." It was only to cover liability if someone got injured walking barefoot in their store but I have always been willing to take responsibility for my own decisions. If I stepped on broken glass, it's my fault. This country is too sue-happy and not willing to take responsibility.

CONCLUSION
We are not meant to stuff our feet into shoes that restrict the natural movement of our toes. Most back problems can be attributed to the wrong kind of footwear. Shoes cause most feet malformations and ailments. Barefoot is more healthy and these shoes allow your feet to be natural and protected. Be kind to your feet, what else are you going to walk on?

HOW MANY IS TOO MANY?

PREFACE
How many blogs is too many? What if I don't have anything to say? How about if I don't want to say it six times? or even three times? The proliferation of blogging has made it impossible to keep up with postings!

STORY
Yahoo and most social networks offer blogs now. Yahoo recently incorporated "live comments" into their email environment and I don't want to post what I'm doing! I'm checking my email!

I started with LJ, then set up a fairly regular blog on blogger.com (then two more separate ones, totaling three on blogger!). Then I joined Tagged.com (social but overtly adult) which has a place on your profile for 'journal' entries, besides a 'daily comment' box right by your ID. I'm also on Facebook, Twitter, and SEVERAL dating sites (all of which have forums and some have blogs on the profiles too). AARP has blogging on your profile (imagine grandma blogging?! well I do!). I'm on LinkedIn and Joined, which are business oriented networking sites, which you can link to your website, social networks, and Twitter accounts!

How much is too much information? Plus the older generation (and the younger one in fact) aren't really aware of who might be "Googling" their name and coming up with all the links to ALL their information. All the snarky remarks that you've vented about your boss on Twitter or Facebook or YOUR BLOG! Venting on the internet with ALL THE WORLD to see!? Not the best idea without some advanced thought about the consequences.

CONCLUSION
There have already been incidents of people getting fired over information posted on public blogs. I'm sure there have been law suits too (but since I cut myself off from daily assault by the news media, I'm not familiar with any). I post when I can, when I have something to say or something I want to remember. I have never cared if anyone reads what I post, but I have put some thought into who might read it. I don't post what I wouldn't want to see on the "front page of a newspaper" so to speak (since they are a dying media, not that I think print is dead or will ever be). What if all the wireless connectivity were to cease for some reason? Then what? We'd have to find a pen and paper again...